How to Deal with Being Nervous

Feeling nervous is perfectly normal. In fact, everybody experiences nervous jitters from time to time, they just learn to hide it well. Whether you’re preparing for a big event or dealing with a surprise situation, there are several things you can do to manage your nerves and keep them from getting out of hand.

This article is based on an interview with our certified hypnotherapist, anxiety and stress management coach, Alexandra Janelli, owner and founder of Modrn Sanctuary. Check out the full interview here.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Preparing for a Nerve-Racking Situation

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1
Assess your nerves. In order to know what to do to best help yourself through nerves, take stock of your symptoms. This way you can focus on ways of calming yourself down that work best for you. Common symptoms include:
- Sweating
- Dry Mouth
- Shaking/trembling
- Butterflies
- Difficulty concentrating
- Stammering/shaky voice
- Rapid heartbeat
- Dizziness
- Shallow breathing
- Biting nails/ fiddling
- Defensive body language (like crossing your arms and legs)
^{[1]XResearch source}Just like everything else, we improve our confidence and abilities with extra practice. Try to imagine what it will be like to greet whatever you're nervous about. See yourself successfully and confidently meeting your goals for this situation. Don't try to plan everything to a tee (otherwise you'll end up holding yourself to it). While nervousness may never go away entirely, the duration of nervousness throughout the event diminishes rapidly with experience.
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^{[2]XResearch source}Try learning some techniques to take deep, relaxing breaths.^{[3]XExpert SourceAlexandra Janelli
Certified Hypnotherapist & Anxiety and Stress Management CoachExpert Interview. 27 August 2020.} These techniques will serve you in preparation of the moment and can even be done in moments of major nervousness. Whether you have a tendency to use shallow breaths, monitored breaths, or breath too rapidly, deep breathing will help you breath more efficiently. This way your body will be receiving more of what it needs to get through a moment of major energy expenditure. Also, relaxed breathing will relax your highly stimulated autonomic nervous system.^{[4]XResearch source}
4
Turn nervous thoughts into affirmations. Nervousness is just our adrenaline pumping--the production of energy. So, when we get nervous our minds are busy having tons of ideas that correspond with the stressful intensity of our feelings: "I can't do this." or "I'm not good enough."^{[5]XResearch source} While you may not be able to stop the racing thoughts, you can replace them with affirmations. Affirmations are positive descriptions of your capability, written in the first person. The following are examples of affirmative statements that you can drown out negative thoughts and poke hole in your belief of them:
- “I am the best candidate for this job”.
- “I am perfectly qualified to give this performance and I will”.
- “I can handle this”.
- “They want me to succeed on this test and I will”.
5
Use visualization techniques. Imagine yourself at the event you are nervous about not only doing the task successfully, but doing it with the most success imaginable. Feel yourself as purposeful and confident, and concentrate on the small details of what's going on around you. Go through the entire successful sequence of events and take in the feeling of accomplishment that runs through it. This technique is frequently used by athletes, and has proven powerful in increasing game time confidence.^{[6]XResearch source}
- For example, if you are nervous about talking to a crush, imagine yourself striking up a funny, engaging conversation that has everyone laughing and your crush looking at you in a whole new way.
6
Accept yourself and your skill level. In order to concentrate on what you're doing rather than being self-conscious, you need to accept your skill level. Not everyone is perfect at everything, and if you are doing something difficult for you, accept that and not judge yourself at a level you simply are not at. ^{[7]XResearch source}
- Determine what is expected, and what is a bonus. You might have higher expectations than what is really required. Maybe all you need is a C on that test to pass geometry--an A would be even better, of course, but all you need is a C!
- For example, if public speaking just isn't your strong point, don't judge yourself harshly for an occasional mistake or having lost your place. Realistic expectations based on skill level also makes it is easier to drop the judgmental attitude towards yourself that nerves commonly cause.
- Do not set out with outsized expectations. In your first martial arts tournament, you are unlikely to bring home a trophy. So putting pressure on yourself to do so will only make you more anxious. Instead, having the goal of completing your first match is likely more realistic.
- Accepting your skill level means honestly facing your strengths and weaknesses so that you can form manageable expectations. Learn more about cultivating self acceptance here.
7
Embrace your nervousness. It may seem counter-inutitive to accept and welcome being nervous...after all, you are trying to not feel nervous! But trying to squelch down natural feelings has a way of making them worse.
- Allow yourself to feel uneasy, but recognize that just because you feel uneasy does not mean you cannot do something.
- Accept that you will feel nervous as a natural state in a given situation...just as you would feel happy, sad, or angry in a given situation. Instead of running from the feeling, simply allow it to be present, but not overwhelm you.^{[8]XExpert SourceAlexandra Janelli
  Certified Hypnotherapist & Anxiety and Stress Management CoachExpert Interview. 27 August 2020.}
- Being nervous shows you care. And if you care, you are more likely to do well at something than someone who does not.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Managing Nerves on the Spot

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Be extra prepared with a clear, strong starting point in order to provide the boost to carry you forward for the remainder of the time. If you're interviewing for a job, for example, come in with a friendly word of appreciation for some aspect of the company.
People who are prone to nervousness typically think more about themselves than about whatever it is that they’re trying to do.^{[9]XResearch sourceBlagden, J. Catherine, and Michelle G. Craske. "Effects of active and passive rumination and distraction: A pilot replication with anxious mood." Journal of Anxiety Disorders 10.4 (1996): 243-252.}Nervousness can double when you see the cause of the nerves (an interview, a test) as overly-reflective of you and your potential. Try to replace your thoughts about how you're coming off and what others think of you with rehearsals of the real juice of what you're doing. Maybe this is the material that will be on an exam, or lines from the piece of music you will play.
3
Watch yourself. Facial expressions, gestures, and intonation are all signs of whether or not we are feeling nervous. When you notice these details of how you present yourself, you can create the distance needed to adjust to postures and gestures that show more confidence. By changing these parts of your appearance, you are teaching yourself to "act as if" you're not nervous. When your body changes, your mind naturally follows suit.^{[10]XResearch sourceRiskind, John H., and Carolyn C. Gotay. "Physical posture: Could it have regulatory or feedback effects on motivation and emotion?." Motivation and Emotion 6.3 (1982): 273-298.}
- Some nervous body language that you might want to alter includes fidgeting, slouching, defensive posturing, little to no eye contact, and rubbing your face and neck.^{[11]XResearch source}
Rushing through whatever is making you nervous will only be confusing to others, and display how nervous you are. If the situation involves the need to speak (and it usually does) remember to speak low and slow. Slowing your speech will allow you to be more clearly understood, and lowering your voice just slightly will decrease the likelihood of a letting out a nervous squeak or vocal crack.
5
Keep the situation in perspective.^{[12]XResearch source} Remember not to sweat the small stuff. Most of what we're worried never happen, and those that do are rarely as bad as we anticipate. Try to focus on the grand scheme of things--whether or not any slip-up or fumble will matter, even as soon as next year.
- For example, if you are nervous about having to do a presentation in front of an audience, remind yourself that a mispronunciation or having to use your cue cards will hardly be memorable by the end of the presentation. What's more, even if the presentation is a flop, one presentation does not determine your self-worth--it's just one instance.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Making Long-Term Changes

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^{[13]XResearch source}If you feel nervous frequently, try slowing down and letting yourself feel your nerves completely without a fight.^{[14]XExpert SourceAlexandra Janelli
Certified Hypnotherapist & Anxiety and Stress Management CoachExpert Interview. 27 August 2020.} Don’t put a time limit on it--instead just allow nervous feelings free rein for however long they last. You'll feel awful for a minute or so, and then all of a sudden your nerves will recede. This is an important exercise for teaching yourself that nerves are not long-term threats (as we often perceive them to be).
^{[15]XResearch source} Do you fidget or always bounce your leg when you're seated? Try to notice or ask someone to point out your nervous behaviors and body language. You can stop doing these behaviors by doing so intentionally, monitoring and changing the behavior as it happens, or by giving yourself minor punishments when you do them, like snapping a rubber band on your wrist. Doing this will calm the jitters these behaviors cause, and change way people respond to you. Both of these fixes will raise your confidence in the long run.
Oftentimes nervousness goes along with magnifying our imperfections, ignoring all that we do well, and judging our own mistakes harshly.^{[16]XResearch source} Even if you make mistakes, rest easy knowing that everyone makes mistakes. What's more, nothing is more impressive than recovering with grace and keeping going.
Maintaining an active lifestyle is crucial for a healthy body and mind. Jogging, or any other aerobic activity will help burn off adrenaline and the nervous symptoms it produces. Regular exercise will keep you more calm day to day, reduce stress and tension, and increase energy. You can view it as a preventative measure for facing moments of great stress.
Even with the disruption of your nerves, try to get 7 or 8 hours of sleep per night. Compounded lack of sleep, fatigue, compromises your ability to cope with stressful situations, and you may find yourself feeling moody and unable to focus.^{[17]XResearch source} Just as it's important to get a good night of sleep before the situation you're nervous about, good sleep reduces anxiety overall.
6
Learn relaxation exercises.^{[18]XResearch source} Instead of trying to relax by watching television or browsing the Internet, try a deep relaxation practice that has a physical effect on the mind. For instance, deep breathing relaxes a major nerve that runs from the diaphragm to the brain, sending a message to your whole body to loosen up. These exercises are quite helpful in preparation for especially nerve-wracking situations. The following are popular methods for sustaining a relaxed lifestyle:^{[19]XResearch source}
^{[20]XResearch source}When your brain is afraid that it won't remember something, it rehearses it over and over again.Your mind may cause nervous thoughts by bringing your focus to a worry or fear more than necessary. By writing out your thoughts, especially the ones the recur, you are releasing yourself from the responsibility of keeping them fresh in mind. A journal can act as your trash bin for the thoughts that you decide you don't want to keep around all the time, like self-defeating beliefs and judgments.
^{[21]XResearch source} Having a strong support system that you don't hesitate to use can do more than just distract you from nervousness. By talking about how you feel, you may find that people can't tell that you're nervous the way you imagine them to. Also, it can be helpful to remember that others experience nerves themselves. This means they reasonably expect nerves to come into play, especially in situations that we deem valuable and worthy of our devoted attention.

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How do I cope with speaking anxiety?
Alexandra Janelli
Certified Hypnotherapist & Anxiety and Stress Management Coach
Alexandra Janelli is a Certified Hypnotherapist, Anxiety & Stress Management Coach, and owner and founder of Modrn Sanctuary, a holistic health and wellness facility in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. With over 10 years of experience, Alexandra specializes in helping clients push through their roadblocks to achieve their goals using her hypnotherapeutic approach. Alexandra holds a BS from the University of Miami. She graduated from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute with an Advanced Training Graduate Diploma in Hypnotherapy and Handwriting Analysis. Alexandra is also a Certified Life Coach from the iPEC Coach Training Program. She has worked with Academy Award Nominee Actors, world-renowned photographers, singers, top-level executives, and professionals across many sectors of business. Alexandra has been featured on MTV, Elle Magazine, Oprah Magazine, Men's Fitness, Swell City Guide, Dossier Journal, The New Yorker, and Time Out Chicago.
Alexandra Janelli
Certified Hypnotherapist & Anxiety and Stress Management Coach
Expert Answer
Expose yourself more and more to what makes you anxious so you're less likely to be affected by it.
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If you think you may have a more severe mental health condition, look into counseling for choosing a therapy that can help you address root causes of nervousness.
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