How to Maintain Romance

Whether you are married or in a long-term relationship, keeping the romance fresh and alive can be a challenging task. With demanding work schedules, romance often suffers, which can have catastrophic consequences for your relationship. Maintaining the romance in your relationship will support your long-term mental and physical health, increase the connection between you and your partner, and possibly lead to a more fulfilling life.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Sustaining Your Physical Romance

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1
Start your day with a physical display of love. As soon as you wake up, kiss your partner on the cheek to give them a reminder of your love. Studies show that starting your day off by warmly greeting and physically touching your partner leads to a better outlook on the rest of the day. Physical contact in the morning will set a positive tone for your day.^{[1]XResearch sourceLaurie Puhn, “Love and Sex: The Secrets of Close Couples,” Women’s Health, Jan/Feb 2011, 106.}
- Wake up just a few minutes before your partner, turn off the alarm clock, and gently kiss their cheek to wake them.
- If you are apart for some reason and cannot offer physical love, try sending loving text messages for your partner to wake up to.
EXPERT TIP
"Try bringing your partner coffee or breakfast in bed periodically to make them feel special."
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
2
Tease your partner. Walk around the house in just a towel or stroke their back as you walk by them. Do small acts to tease and tantalize your partner. Build their anticipation and desire for your touch.
- Full body massages are great ways to build the tension and feel intimate and connected.
3
Show affection in public. Touch is the primary language of compassion, and it conveys trust and safety. When you touch your partner in public, you both receive these benefits, plus the added benefit of knowing that others know about your love. Showing your love in public, conveys that you are not ashamed of your partner, and you want the whole world to know you are together.^{[2]XTrustworthy SourceGreater Good MagazineJournal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier livingGo to source}
- Hold the door for your partner, and as she walks by, place your hand on the small of her back.
- When you are waiting in line at the bank, face each other and embrace in a hug.
- Do not be inappropriate in public, as it can be illegal when taken too far.
4
Purchase “The Kama Sutra." Sex is a critically important aspect of a happy and long-lasting relationship.^{[3]XResearch source} Find ways to have romantic and meaningful sexual encounters. Purchase books like the “Kama Sutra” to learn new ways to pleasure your partner.
- Talk to each other about your likes and dislikes in bed. Learn your partner’s turn-ons, and do your best to make them happy.
5
Create a “Fantasy Jar.” Write down all of the erotic fantasies you would like to engage in with your partner, including role play or public affections. Sharing fantasies with your partner reveals a deep and private side to you, which will enhance your connection and intimacy.^{[4]XResearch source}
- When your partner shares their fantasy, do not judge them; instead play along. You both have to be fully engaged and committed to each fantasy to increase the pleasure.^{[5]XResearch source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Improving Your Emotional Connection

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1
Communicate often and honestly. Open and honest communication is a cornerstone to a happy and romantic relationship. Telling your partner exactly how you feel, including your likes and dislikes, will increase clarity between you two, and help maintain overall happiness. Spend at least five minutes per day checking in with each other about the status of your relationship. Talk about how certain situations made you feel or how you would like to see some things happen differently.
- When you communicate with your partner, try to frame things positively. For example, if you did not like that your partner said you would attend their work event without asking, instead of saying “Don’t make my decisions for me," say something like, “I love to support you in your job, however I would really appreciate it if we could discuss going to social events before you RSVP.”
2
Leave love notes around the house for your partner to find. Create small acts of kindness that let your partner know you are thinking about them when you are apart. Your partner will appreciate the effort and will feel your love in your absence.
- Other acts of kindness could include sending love texts while at work, writing “you are beautiful” on the mirror, packing their lunch the night before, or cleaning the house.^{[6]XResearch source}
Appreciation adds value to your partner and to your relationship. Express the physical, personal, and professional attributes that you value in your partner to make them feel loved and respected. Focus on the positive qualities, such as their hair, humor, or selflessness. ^{[7]XResearch source}
4
Accept your partner for their mistakes and flaws. Your partner is not perfect and you knew that going into the relationship. Accept that they might not put away dishes, or that they run chronically late. Do not try to change your partner; instead, focus on promoting the good things about them such as their intelligence or ability to light up a room!^{[8]XResearch source“Improving intimate relationships: Targeting the partner versus changing the self” from Journal of Social and Personal Relationships}
- Become aware of your own flaws and recognize you are not perfect to help you accept your partner’s flaws.
- Be respectful of your partner and their flaws. If they are chronically late, respect that it is their decision to be late, but allow yourself to be on time.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Changing Your Routine

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1
Plan a novel and exciting date night. Forget a pleasant evening at a French restaurant you have been to fifteen times. Try going on exciting and fresh dates, such as paintball or white water rafting. Science shows that couples who engage in exciting dates were more satisfied than those engaging in pleasant and routine dates.^{[9]XResearch sourcePope, TP. 2011. For Better: How the surprising science of happy couples can help your marriage succeed. Plume.}
- Go on dates that allow you to participate as a couple such as dancing, kayaking, or building a fort.
EXPERT TIP
Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Building romance takes effort and mutual appreciation. Building romance relies on both people actively nurturing that connection, not just waiting for anything to change. Initiate fun activities together, and don't forget to show appreciation for each other's gestures, big or small. Those little moments of positivity really cement the bond.
On a first date, you make a significant effort to impress. If you strive to look your best and be on your best behavior each time you go on a date with your partner, you will both feel happier and more satisfied.^{[10]XResearch source}
3
Go away for one weekend a month. Leave your home for two days a month and visit a place you have never gone with your partner. You can plan the getaway or make it spontaneous. Throw a dart at a map and go to wherever it lands. If money or children make travelling difficult, try spending time in a different part of your house you often neglect.
- Try to just change your setting as much as possible. By being with your partner in a different environment, you may see them in a different light.
- Going on trips can also test your relationship by revealing your compatibility, showing how you manage each other when you are together 24/7.^{[11]XResearch source}
4
Spend time apart. Taking time for yourself in a relationship is a healthy step because it promotes independence and adds mystery into your lives. If you love going to art museums but your partner does not, going on your own can encourage self-love, which will be carried into your relationship.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Have a “girl’s or boy’s night” and hang out with your own group of friends. You can talk about things you wouldn’t necessarily discuss with your partner, and you will be reminded of yourself as an individual, instead of yourself in a partnership.
5
Give your partner a gift just because you love them. Everybody loves to get gifts! It doesn’t have to be a birthday or Christmas to present your partner with a gift. If you are at the store and see something that reminds of you your partner, purchase it, wrap it up, and give it to them that evening at dinner. Your partner will be surprised by the unforeseen gift and appreciate your kindness and generosity.^{[13]XResearch sourceBuchli, V.2004. Material culture: critical concepts in the social sciences. Taylor & Francis}
- Give gifts in moderation. Do not buy every item that reminds you of your partner.
- Purchase gifts that are fiscally responsible. Buying your partner a red Mercedes is not practical and could get you into financial trouble.

Become a Better Lover with this Expert Series

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Ready to become the best lover you can be? We've put together this expert series to help you spice things up in the bedroom and foster romance in your relationship.

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Become a Better Lover

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Spice Things Up in the Bedroom

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Make Love Last

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Be a Better Boyfriend

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Become a Romantic Man

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Tips

Relationships take a lot of work. You cannot expect that things will get better on their own. Work at making each day special and romantic.
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The words "please" and "thank you" do a world of good in making a person feel appreciated.
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Warnings

If your relationship continues to lack romance and you feel that you and your partner are in trouble, considering going to therapy and seeking professional help to work through your issues.
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