This article was co-authored by Michelle Joy, MA, MFT. Michelle Joy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and serves on the Board of Directors for the Couples Institute Counseling Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. With almost 20 years of therapy training and experience, Michelle offers couples therapy intensives, communication workshops, and Marriage Prep101 Workshops. Michelle is also a certified Enneagram teacher, has presented at the 25th annual International Enneagram Conference, and is a graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy – Advanced Level. She received an MS in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University.
There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
How.com.vn marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, several readers have written to tell us that this article was helpful to them, earning it our reader-approved status.
This article has been viewed 530,537 times.
Attraction is an essential component of a marriage or long-term relationship.[1]XResearch source Marriages last longer and are more satisfying when spouses are attracted to one another. However, over the years it can be hard to prioritize attraction, especially when your other responsibilities increase. Pay attention to your physical self, develop your emotional self, and add excitement to your marriage in order to ensure that your husband remains attracted to you.[2]XResearch source
Stay well-groomed. There are a lot of aspects of your appearance that you cannot control. Luckily, however, attraction is based more on those parts of your appearance that you can control.[3]XResearch source Staying neat, clean, and paying attention to your appearance will attract your husband more effectively than undertaking any drastic makeovers.[4]XResearch source Be sure that you:
Buy nice clothes that fit. You shouldn't have to change your style to please your husband. However, having clean clothes that fit your body are key to seeming attractive.[5]XResearch source It also helps to wear clothes that are a bit more formal, so avoid sweatpants or ripped jeans.[6]XResearch source Look for comfortable, natural fabrics that are easy to care for such as cotton, wool, and silk: this will help you keep your clothes in great shape.
If you struggle to find clothes that fit, consider finding a store that specializes in your body type. The clerks should be able to guide you to well-fitting clothes that suit your tastes.
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3
Wear red. Men tend to be more attracted to women wearing red than women who wear other colors.[7]XResearch source Red evokes passionate feelings and emotions, so buy some special red clothing, undergarments, and lingerie if you want to make an impression.
4
Stay moderately fit. Age does not do the human body any favors. You don't need to be supermodel skinny or have a six-pack to look attractive to your husband, however.[8]XResearch source Simply manage your weight through a nutritious diet and moderate exercise to keep yourself healthy and in shape.
Maintaining a healthy and moderately fit physical appearance will also help you feel more self-confident. Self-confidence is often an attractive quality.
A little will usually go a long way. Take a brisk walk 20 minutes each day. Cut back on portion sizes and high-calorie foods.
5
Have good posture.Good posture makes your body look its best and inspires feelings of attraction in others.[9]XResearch sourceStand up straight, sit up straight, and resist the urge to slump or slouch. Keep your head up and your shoulders back in order to appear your best.
6
Buy with him in mind. Once in a while, buy some sexy lingerie or a similarly sultry piece of clothing. Show it to your husband and let him know that you made the purchase with him in mind. You can also consider purchasing something eye-catching in his favorite color.
The way you deliver the message can have just as big an impact as the message itself. For example, casually slip your newest piece of lingerie into his hand, then silently walk away with a slight sway in your hips. Your body language can convey more meaning than the words alone would.
7
Give yourself a mini makeover. You don't need to completely transform your appearance: changing even one quality in a subtle way can be enough to catch your husband's eye again.[10]XResearch source Consider getting a new hairstyle, adding highlights to your hair, or treating yourself to a day at the spa to give your skin a new glow. If you don't want the expense or permanency of a bigger change, try something as simple as buying a new shade of lipstick or eye makeup.
8
Smile.Smiling is one of the most significant acts you can do to catch a man's eye when you're single, so it's little wonder that smiling at your man once you've married him will move him in the same way. Looking friendly, pleasant, and happy are keys to making your husband feel attracted to you.[11]XResearch source
Project self-confidence. If you don't love yourself, your lack of confidence and self-esteem may bleed into the interactions you have with your husband. Confidence is an attractive quality, and conversely, a lack of confidence can make you seem unattractive.[12]XResearch source Tell yourself that you are sexy, attractive, and interesting. Focus on your favorite qualities about yourself, and remember that your husband fell in love with you for a good reason.
Speaking confidently and having a confident, upright posture will help you demonstrate your self-esteem.
If you are unable to remove the negative thoughts you have about yourself, consider taking up practices like meditation or therapy for a little extra help.
2
Be your own person. Being able to care for yourself emotionally can help you maintain a more positive attitude. If you depend on your husband completely, you are more likely to feel critical when your husband fails to make you feel better. This criticism could push him further away. In order to work on being your own person, you can:
Spend time with your close friends and family
Work on a hobby
Take a class in something you are interested in
3
Stay connected. Don't take your husband for granted. Value the time you spend together, and seek out quality time with him.[13]XExpert SourceMichelle Joy, MA, MFT Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 26 June 2020. Schedule dates or other ways to check in throughout the day. Talk to one another on the phone, Skype, or text at least once a day in order to display that he is in your thoughts.
4
Get help with chores when you're stressed out. It can be hard to focus on a marriage when you have kids, careers, homes, and other responsibilities. Be sure that you don't have too much on your plate if you want to concentrate on attracting your husband.[14]XResearch source If you find the stress building up, find someone who can help share the load. This will also help reduce the likelihood of nagging, which is a buzzkill. You could:
Use a cleaning service to take care of chores at home
5
Ask your husband questions about himself. Remaining curious about your husband is key to revitalizing your marriage. Don't act like he is predictable or boring: tell yourself there is always more to learn about him.[16]XResearch source Ask him to talk about his life, emotions, and experiences in order to grow your relationship and your attraction to one another.
6
Talk about your feelings. Don't keep your emotions a secret from your husband. Tell him what you are thinking and feeling. Don't be ashamed if you need extra support.[17]XResearch source Be honest and tell yourself that sharing your emotions is key to growing and developing a marriage rooted in mutual attraction.[18]XExpert SourceMichelle Joy, MA, MFT Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 26 June 2020.
7
Laugh together. As you grow older, you might start treating life with a greater degree of seriousness than you did as a young newlywed. Be serious when seriousness is called for, but make sure that you still know how to laugh—and make sure your husband knows that you can still laugh, too. In order to keep your sense of humor alive in your marriage, you can:
Develop inside jokes
Go to a live comedy show
Rent a funny movie
Let go of your inhibitions and act goofy or silly sometimes
8
Demonstrate your attraction to your husband. Show him that you still find him attractive. He will be more attracted to you in turn. There is nothing more attractive than being seen by others as attractive. In order to show your husband how attractive he is, you can:
Be supportive. Pay attention to your husband's needs and desires. Give him emotional and physical support when he's feeling low, even if he isn't honest about needing that support. Make sure your husband can feel love emanating from you through the sort of treatment you give him.
Take an interest in his interests. You don't need to force yourself to love everything he feels passionately about, but encourage him to talk to you about his passions by being an active listener.
Do something special for him every once in a while. Plan a surprise party on his birthday or cook his favorite meal. Offer to pack him a lunch or give him a shoulder massage after an especially long, tiresome day at work.
Show sympathy if he is having a hard time.
10
Don't play games. You might be tempted to think that making your husband jealous will cause him to come rushing to your side. However, this sort of thinking backfires more often than not. Attract your husband with your honesty and care, not with dangerous games.
11
Resolve conflicts quickly. Don't let problems in your marriage fester. Talk through your conflicts and problems in order to clear the air. If your husband seems distant or withdrawn, sit down with him and talk about what the problem is. Once everything is brought out into the open, the two of you can figure out how to make things better together.
Understand that problems in your marriage might have nothing to do with you. If your husband no longer finds you attractive, there could be a medical problem behind it, or there can be something going on with him psychologically, spiritually, or emotionally that you have no control over.
Resolve to share exciting experiences with your husband. Studies show that marriages are more satisfying when couples do exciting, stimulating activities with one another. Experiencing new activities, foods, places, and ideas can help reinforce the marriage bond.[19]XResearch source Some good ideas to add excitement to a relationship include:
Integrate touch into your day. Positive touch is essential to maintaining a connection with your partner. Make sure this positive, intimate touch is routine throughout your day--not just during sex.[20]XResearch source Find ways to initiate sensual touching in your daily life. For example, you can:
Rub your husband's neck as he cooks dinner
Stroke his hair while you watch a movie together
Hold hands while you take a walk
Give him frequent pecks on the cheek
Offer to give him a backrub when he's feeling sore
3
Indulge each other's sexual fantasies. Make sure your sex life doesn't remain rote or routine. Ask your husband about his sexual desires, and tell him about yours.[21]XResearch source Support one another in bringing your sexual desires to life. Even if you might not have kinks to share, you can still add spice to your marriage by shaking things up in the bedroom:
Try a new sexual position
Rent a hotel room and order room service
Hire a babysitter to watch the kids overnight so you don't have to worry about being interrupted
Focus on quality, not quantity, of sex. It is normal for the frequency of sex in a marriage to decrease over time, especially if you have kids. However, you still have to focus on your sex life in order to keep your attraction strong.[22]XResearch source Tell yourself that it is better to have good, mutually pleasurable sex than it is to have a lot of bad sex.
5
Kiss at least 10 seconds per day. Kissing releases endorphins and allows couples to reinforce their bonds of attraction. Be sure that you take the time to kiss your husband for at least 10 seconds per day. You will feel closer, more satisfied, and happier with one another.[23]XResearch source
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Michelle Joy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and serves on the Board of Directors for the Couples Institute Counseling Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. With almost 20 years of therapy training and experience, Michelle offers couples therapy intensives, communication workshops, and Marriage Prep101 Workshops. Michelle is also a certified Enneagram teacher, has presented at the 25th annual International Enneagram Conference, and is a graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy – Advanced Level. She received an MS in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University.
If your husband's going through a hard time, let him know that you love him and are there for him no matter what. You should also take the time to really listen to him and validate what he's going through. Then, ask him how you can help. Everyone's different, so listen to how your husband would like to be supported.
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Working consciously on attraction in your marriage is important. However, it shouldn't be a higher priority than your own feelings and well-being. Don't let go of your own needs in order to please your spouse.
Understand that marriages will have many highs and lows over the years. Increasing responsibilities over time--especially children and careers--can take a toll on a marriage. Tell yourself that this is normal and will get better over time.
Focus on the physical and emotional components of attraction. Remember to make sure that your marriage is one that is rooted in respect and care as well as physical attraction.
A diminished sex drive can be the result of a medical condition such as depression, fatigue, low blood pressure, diabetes, or substance abuse.[24]XResearch source If your husband's libido is abnormally low, encourage him to see a doctor or therapist.
This article was co-authored by Michelle Joy, MA, MFT. Michelle Joy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and serves on the Board of Directors for the Couples Institute Counseling Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. With almost 20 years of therapy training and experience, Michelle offers couples therapy intensives, communication workshops, and Marriage Prep101 Workshops. Michelle is also a certified Enneagram teacher, has presented at the 25th annual International Enneagram Conference, and is a graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy – Advanced Level. She received an MS in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University. This article has been viewed 530,537 times.
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 530,537 times.
Reader Success Stories
Nooraini Ismail
May 27, 2016
"Thank you very much for the info. I always look down on my self as I am not young and attractive anymore. I always blame myself for not getting any attention from my husband. I will make this message my guideline. Thank you again. Wish me luck!"..." more
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Co-authors: 17
Updated: October 26, 2023
Views: 530,537
Nooraini Ismail
May 27, 2016
"Thank you very much for the info. I always look down on my self as I am not young and attractive anymore. I always blame myself for not getting any attention from my husband. I will make this message my guideline. Thank you again. Wish me luck!"..." more
Neelam Yadav
May 17, 2016
"I appreciate what you've written. It helped me in many ways. I'll surely follow these steps in the future, too, for our good relationship. Thanks to you for sharing such good points."..." more
Natalie Dantzler
Jun 16, 2017
"My fiance and I sometimes feel disconnected. At times I don't know any ideas on how to keep the attraction strong but this definitely gave me some strong pointers. "..." more
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May 5, 2016
"It's very helpful. I find my marriage very boring. I often find myself correcting my wife on how to sit and dress. Send me more of your good guides."..." more
Anonymous
Jul 6, 2016
"A kiss of 10 seconds every day, and also that it is okay if your partner takes a glance at other attractive women. Helpful."..." more
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Stay well-groomed. There are a lot of aspects of your appearance that you cannot control. Luckily, however, attraction is based more on those parts of your appearance that you can control.[3] Staying neat, clean, and paying attention to your appearance will attract your husband more effectively than undertaking any drastic makeovers.[4] Be sure that you:
Buy nice clothes that fit. You shouldn't have to change your style to please your husband. However, having clean clothes that fit your body are key to seeming attractive.[5] It also helps to wear clothes that are a bit more formal, so avoid sweatpants or ripped jeans.[6] Look for comfortable, natural fabrics that are easy to care for such as cotton, wool, and silk: this will help you keep your clothes in great shape.
Wear red. Men tend to be more attracted to women wearing red than women who wear other colors.[7] Red evokes passionate feelings and emotions, so buy some special red clothing, undergarments, and lingerie if you want to make an impression.
Stay moderately fit. Age does not do the human body any favors. You don't need to be supermodel skinny or have a six-pack to look attractive to your husband, however.[8] Simply manage your weight through a nutritious diet and moderate exercise to keep yourself healthy and in shape.
Have good posture. Good posture makes your body look its best and inspires feelings of attraction in others.[9] Stand up straight, sit up straight, and resist the urge to slump or slouch. Keep your head up and your shoulders back in order to appear your best.
Buy with him in mind. Once in a while, buy some sexy lingerie or a similarly sultry piece of clothing. Show it to your husband and let him know that you made the purchase with him in mind. You can also consider purchasing something eye-catching in his favorite color.
Give yourself a mini makeover. You don't need to completely transform your appearance: changing even one quality in a subtle way can be enough to catch your husband's eye again.[10] Consider getting a new hairstyle, adding highlights to your hair, or treating yourself to a day at the spa to give your skin a new glow. If you don't want the expense or permanency of a bigger change, try something as simple as buying a new shade of lipstick or eye makeup.
Smile. Smiling is one of the most significant acts you can do to catch a man's eye when you're single, so it's little wonder that smiling at your man once you've married him will move him in the same way. Looking friendly, pleasant, and happy are keys to making your husband feel attracted to you.[11]
Project self-confidence. If you don't love yourself, your lack of confidence and self-esteem may bleed into the interactions you have with your husband. Confidence is an attractive quality, and conversely, a lack of confidence can make you seem unattractive.[12] Tell yourself that you are sexy, attractive, and interesting. Focus on your favorite qualities about yourself, and remember that your husband fell in love with you for a good reason.
Be your own person. Being able to care for yourself emotionally can help you maintain a more positive attitude. If you depend on your husband completely, you are more likely to feel critical when your husband fails to make you feel better. This criticism could push him further away. In order to work on being your own person, you can:
Stay connected. Don't take your husband for granted. Value the time you spend together, and seek out quality time with him.[13] Schedule dates or other ways to check in throughout the day. Talk to one another on the phone, Skype, or text at least once a day in order to display that he is in your thoughts.
Get help with chores when you're stressed out. It can be hard to focus on a marriage when you have kids, careers, homes, and other responsibilities. Be sure that you don't have too much on your plate if you want to concentrate on attracting your husband.[14] If you find the stress building up, find someone who can help share the load. This will also help reduce the likelihood of nagging, which is a buzzkill. You could:
Ask your husband questions about himself. Remaining curious about your husband is key to revitalizing your marriage. Don't act like he is predictable or boring: tell yourself there is always more to learn about him.[16] Ask him to talk about his life, emotions, and experiences in order to grow your relationship and your attraction to one another.
Talk about your feelings. Don't keep your emotions a secret from your husband. Tell him what you are thinking and feeling. Don't be ashamed if you need extra support.[17] Be honest and tell yourself that sharing your emotions is key to growing and developing a marriage rooted in mutual attraction.[18]
Laugh together. As you grow older, you might start treating life with a greater degree of seriousness than you did as a young newlywed. Be serious when seriousness is called for, but make sure that you still know how to laugh—and make sure your husband knows that you can still laugh, too. In order to keep your sense of humor alive in your marriage, you can:
Demonstrate your attraction to your husband. Show him that you still find him attractive. He will be more attracted to you in turn. There is nothing more attractive than being seen by others as attractive. In order to show your husband how attractive he is, you can:
Be supportive. Pay attention to your husband's needs and desires. Give him emotional and physical support when he's feeling low, even if he isn't honest about needing that support. Make sure your husband can feel love emanating from you through the sort of treatment you give him.
Don't play games. You might be tempted to think that making your husband jealous will cause him to come rushing to your side. However, this sort of thinking backfires more often than not. Attract your husband with your honesty and care, not with dangerous games.
Resolve conflicts quickly. Don't let problems in your marriage fester. Talk through your conflicts and problems in order to clear the air. If your husband seems distant or withdrawn, sit down with him and talk about what the problem is. Once everything is brought out into the open, the two of you can figure out how to make things better together.
Resolve to share exciting experiences with your husband. Studies show that marriages are more satisfying when couples do exciting, stimulating activities with one another. Experiencing new activities, foods, places, and ideas can help reinforce the marriage bond.[19] Some good ideas to add excitement to a relationship include:
Integrate touch into your day. Positive touch is essential to maintaining a connection with your partner. Make sure this positive, intimate touch is routine throughout your day--not just during sex.[20] Find ways to initiate sensual touching in your daily life. For example, you can:
Indulge each other's sexual fantasies. Make sure your sex life doesn't remain rote or routine. Ask your husband about his sexual desires, and tell him about yours.[21] Support one another in bringing your sexual desires to life. Even if you might not have kinks to share, you can still add spice to your marriage by shaking things up in the bedroom:
Focus on quality, not quantity, of sex. It is normal for the frequency of sex in a marriage to decrease over time, especially if you have kids. However, you still have to focus on your sex life in order to keep your attraction strong.[22] Tell yourself that it is better to have good, mutually pleasurable sex than it is to have a lot of bad sex.
Kiss at least 10 seconds per day. Kissing releases endorphins and allows couples to reinforce their bonds of attraction. Be sure that you take the time to kiss your husband for at least 10 seconds per day. You will feel closer, more satisfied, and happier with one another.[23]
Michelle Joy, MA, MFTMichelle Joy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and serves on the Board of Directors for the Couples Institute Counseling Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. With almost 20 years of therapy training and experience, Michelle offers couples therapy intensives, communication workshops, and Marriage Prep101 Workshops. Michelle is also a certified Enneagram teacher, has presented at the 25th annual International Enneagram Conference, and is a graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy – Advanced Level. She received an MS in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University.
"Thank you very much for the info. I always look down on my self as I am not young and attractive anymore. I always blame myself for not getting any attention from my husband. I will make this message my guideline. Thank you again. Wish me luck!"..." more
