How to Know if a Narcissist Is Finished with You

Being locked in a cycle of abuse with a narcissist is distressing to say the least. Because a narcissist's emotions are so volatile, it can be difficult to tell where you stand with them. Narcissists act this way on purpose—they want you to be confused. To help, we've tapped expert psychologists to explain a narcissist's cycle of abuse, the meaning behind the behavior, and how to tell if they're finished with you. For our comprehensive guide to decoding a narcissist's behaviour, read on.

1

They show no emotion.

Download Article

A narcissist drops the emotional mask once you're invested in the relationship. At first, they were incredibly charming and affectionate. In fact, you may have even felt overwhelmed by the amount of attention they were giving you. This tactic is called love-bombing and narcissists use it to manipulate partners at the beginning of a relationship. Then, once you’re fully invested, the narcissist discards you.^{[1]XResearch source}^{[2]XTrustworthy SourceNational Domestic Violence HotlineOrganization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuseGo to source}
- Did their initial adoration seem excessive? Did they rush you into a commitment? These are classic signs of love-bombing.
- Don’t blame yourself for getting caught up in their behavior. Wanting to feel desired and attractive is human nature. Love-bombing is effective because it takes advantage of our humanness.

2

They criticize you constantly.

Download Article

Narcissists make you feel inadequate when they're ready to move on. At the end of a narcissist’s abuse cycle, nothing you do is good enough and they'll take every opportunity to belittle you. Often, they'll zero in on an imaginary defect or a tiny mistake you made and blow it way out of proportion. Before long, criticism is the only thing you get from a narcissist at all.
- Narcissists lack self-esteem, so they criticize others to build themselves up. They want to undermine your self-esteem—because if they can’t have any, neither can you. Don’t buy into their false narrative.^{[3]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}

3

They blame you for everything.

Download Article

A narcissist can't take responsibility for their issues, so they blame you. Narcissists have low self-esteem, and their way of hiding that from the world is to inflate their ego.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source} They can't take personal responsibility for anything, so they use you as a scapegoat. This behavior usually starts slowly and gets worse as the relationship draws to an end.
- Narcissists are extremely skilled at making people feel guilty. They'll convince you that you’re to blame and may even manage to get an apology out of you (even though you had nothing to do with it).
- Typically, fighting back is futile. Your perspective doesn’t matter to a narcissist; they'll always double down no matter how much evidence you have to support your innocence.^{[5]XResearch source}
- It’s upsetting to be manipulated this way, but now that you know what to watch for, you can reclaim your power.

4

They’re always irritated or angry.

Download Article

A narcissist will treat you like an inconvenience out of fear. In the beginning, they probably put you on a pedestal and practically worshiped you, right? These days, you can't even breathe right around them. Your very existence seems to annoy them, and the constant negativity and aggression can be really hard to deal with.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Why did they change? Once you invest in the relationship, a narcissist secretly starts to panic. They’re afraid you’ll see who they really are and leave them, so their solution is to make you feel bad first.

Quiz

How.com.vn Quiz: Am I Dating a Narcissist?

Only a mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder), but there are plenty of red flags you can look out for. Take this quiz to find out where you stand.

1 of 12

How did they act when you first started dating?

Super lovey-dovey. They thought our relationship was written in the stars!

Extra charming. They really knew how to lay it on.

A little flirtatious. Nothing too overkill, though!

Friendly and respectful. They had a healthy sense of boundaries.

5

They pick fights over trivial things.

Download Article

Narcissists do this to disorient you and sow the seeds of negativity. They'll pretend like this trivial matter is the end of the world no matter how meaningless it truly is. For example, they may fly into a blind rage because you “loaded the dishwasher wrong.” Typically, they'll drag conflicts out for as long as possible until you're completely exhausted.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Not only will you be unfairly blamed during these conflicts, but the narcissist will also try to rationalize their outbursts. There’s no point in engaging or arguing with them. In their mind, you’re wrong and they’re right, end of story.

6

They take advantage of you.

Download Article

A narcissist will exploit you in every way possible before discarding you. They’ll ask for favors, borrow money, fish for compliments/praise, drain your emotional energy, cross your boundaries, and anything else they can get away with. To the narcissist, you’re an object to be used for their personal gain.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Once you start noticing this pattern of behavior, try to refuse their requests as much as you can.

7

They withhold physical affection.

Download Article

Do they avoid touching you and squirm away when you reach out? Withholding affection is another common way a narcissist flips the script on you. Suddenly, they won’t kiss or hug you, recoil from your touch, and reject you in the bedroom. As always, this behavior is about control.^{[9]XTrustworthy SourceCleveland ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitalsGo to source}

8

They accuse you of cheating.

Download Article

Narcissists might try to find a "reason" to break up with you. Have they suddenly become paranoid that you’ve betrayed them? These accusations are most likely a ruse so the narcissist can justify the breakup. It’s important that the breakup be entirely your fault, and a narcissist has no problem spinning lies of this magnitude to validate their actions.
- They may also start telling other people that you cheated on them, or spread other malicious lies, to devalue you and ruin your reputation in the process.^{[10]XTrustworthy SourceCleveland ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitalsGo to source}

9

They gaslight you.

Download Article

Their goal is to control you, confuse you, and tear you down. Gaslighting is when a person lies or denies reality in order to confuse you. For example, they may try to make you question your memory or perception of events. Gaslighting behavior usually starts early on in the relationship and tends to ramp up at the end.^{[11]XResearch source}^{[12]XResearch source} Common gaslighting techniques include:
- Tone policing: they tell you that you’re overreacting or to calm down as a way to invalidate your feelings. For example: “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
- Blocking/diverting: they make you question your memories and doubt yourself. They say, “You’re crazy, that never happened” or “It’s all in your head.”
- Stonewalling: they refuse to discuss the problem altogether. If you bring it up, they change the subject, pretend they didn’t hear you, or walk away.^{[13]XResearch source}

10

They ignore everything you say.

Download Article

Narcissists use stonewalling behavior to belittle you. At the end of their abuse cycle, a narcissist wants to make sure you feel worthless. They'll tune out your remarks and avoid your questions until you feel invisible. If it seems like they're stonewalling you 24/7, it's likely they're getting ready to end the relationship. They’ll still grace you with their presence, but they’ll be blatantly unresponsive if you attempt to communicate.^{[14]XResearch source}

11

They stop all communication.

Download Article

When a narcissist discards you, they rarely have the spine to confront you. Instead of facing you and providing closure when the relationship ends, they'll block your access to them and just assume you’ll get the picture. They’ll ignore your texts, refuse your calls, unfollow you on social media, and do everything they can to pretend you don’t exist.^{[15]XResearch source}
- You don’t deserve any of this and it hurts, but the cycle is over now. It’s important not to let this person back into your life.
- They may try to wheedle their way back into your good graces, but only so they can repeat the cycle of abuse once again. If they contact you, don’t reply.