Download ArticleDownload ArticleX
This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 542,715 times.
Being able to talk to anyone is an excellent skill to have. It can lead you to make new friends or discover a romantic partner. It may even lead to new career or business opportunities. Humans are social creatures by nature, however, conversation does not come natural to everyone. It's never too late to learn to talk to others though!
Steps
Relax going into the situation. If you're nervous about the prospect of talking to others, it can be stressful to strike up a conversation. Going into a social situation, strive to relax. This way, you will be able to smoothly start conversations without fumbling over your words.[1]- Try doing something physical before social interactions to help you relax. meditate or practice something like progressive muscle relaxation.
- Find a quiet spot to engage in a relaxation ritual prior to a social event. This will help you go into the event calm. At a minimum, take a few slow deep breaths.
Watch body language. You want to make sure someone wants to talk before striking up conversation with them. You will not be able to talk to anyone if you approach people before they want to be approached. Watch for signs someone is ready to engage before beginning a conversation if they seem closed off, wait until they're more relaxed.[2]- Look for open body language. Someone should not be blocking their torso by doing things like crossing their arms. People who want to talk will be standing tall with their arms at their sides.[3]
- Someone may also catch your eye briefly, indicating they are open to conversation. This is a good sign it's safe to approach someone.
Advertisement
Open with a question. A question is a great way to open a conversation. It gets things going and conveys interest in the other person. Shortly after introducing yourself, try asking a question.[4] Also, it is best to ask an open-ended question that requires more than a "yes" or a "no" answer.- If you're at a party, for example, open by saying something like, "How do you know the host?"
- If you're at a networking event, ask someone about their work. Say something like, "What exactly does your job entail?"
Use your surroundings to strike up a conversation. You can also try working with what you have to begin a conversation. If you're stumbling to think of a question or a topic, comment on your surroundings. Look around the room and pull a conversation starter from there.[5]- For example, say something like, "I love the wood floors here. It feels so old fashioned."
- You can also invite the other person to share their input, which can spur a conversation. For example, "What do you think of this wallpaper? I've never seen anything like it."
Advertisement
Listen to the other person. People will naturally talk to those who listen. Everyone wants to feel important and heard, so if you want people to talk to you give them your full attention. Make sure you always listen when someone is talking.[6]- Try to follow the rule, "Listen first, talk second," after starting the conversation. Once you open things up, let the person share their input completely before interjecting.
- Show that you're listening by maintaining eye contact and nodding on occasion. You can also say things like, "Mmhm.." to convey interest.
Ask questions. Questions are a great way to keep a conversation going. If there seems to be a lull in conversation, push it forward with a few questions.[7]- Try asking about something someone just said. For example, "That's interesting. What was it like going to school in a big city?"
- You can also bring up a new topic through a question. Think about something that would be appropriate to introduce given the situation. For example, if you're talking to someone at school, say something like, "What did you think of that chemistry exam?"
Share information about yourself. People will not want to talk to you if you simply bombard them with questions. People are uncomfortable talking to people who ask a lot about others but share little about themselves. Make sure you divulge information about yourself so people will want to talk to you.- Try to make a pattern between asking questions and sharing information. For example, you ask someone how they're enjoying a book they're reading. After they share, make a comment about something you've recently read.
- You should also be willing to answer any questions someone asks you in return. If you seem like you're withholding information, people may become nervous and not want to talk to you.
Change topics when necessary. Watch to make sure someone is not getting uncomfortable with a topic. Someone may look nervous if you bring up a certain topic and get quiet. You also may simply have exhausted a given topic. If you're both struggling to think of what to say in a conversation, find a new topic.[8]- It's best to try to find a related topic. If you're talking about books, for example, move the conversation to movies.
- However, if you can't think of anything that's related, it's okay to introduce something new. Fall back on a general question, such as, "What do you do for a living?" or "Where did you grow up?"
Bring up current events. Current events can be a great way to keep a conversation going. If you stay up to date with what's going on in the world, it will be easy to talk to anyone. You will be able to make conversation about things people are thinking about in the present moment.[9]- You do not have to bring up serious current events, especially in a situation where someone may become uncomfortable. If you want to keep things noncontroversial, bring up the new hit movie, celebrity scandal, or a hit song on the radio.
Advertisement
Avoid trying to one up others. Sometimes, without realizing it, you're accidentally one-upping people during conversations. This is often due to nervousness. You may try to bring up a story that relates, but some stories may seem bigger or more important than the other person's story. For example, someone is talking about a weekend vacation to a city a few miles out of town. Do not bring up your month long trip to Europe after graduation. It may come off like bragging.[10]- Try to keep the stories you share equal. For example, if someone brings up a modest vacation, talk about a similar vacation you've taken. For example, talk about the weekend trips you took to your grandmother's house as a kid.
Do not make assumptions about the other person. Go into the conversation operating under the assumption everyone is a blank slate. Do not assume someone will agree with you or share your values. People are biased to assume those they engage with share similar values and beliefs, but this often not true. In conversation, remember you do not know how this person feels about a given topic.[11]- Debates can be enjoyable and, if someone seems open to the idea, it's okay to share your beliefs. However, make sure not to introduce a topic in a way that makes assumptions. For example, when commenting on a recent election, do not say, "That was such a letdown, right?"
- Instead, bring up the topic in a way that invites the other person to share their beliefs. For example, "What did you think of the recent election?"
Refrain from judgment. People do not want to make conversation with people who are judgmental. During any conversation, remind yourself you're trying to learn about another person. You are not there to make judgments or assumptions. Refrain from analyzing what's being said and instead focus on listening. This will give you less time to judge, making people comfortable sharing with you.[12]
Make sure to remain in the present. It's easy to let your mind wander during conversation. Make sure not to do so. If you seem absent minded, people will not want to talk to you. Keep your mind in the here and now and avoid thinking about what you're going to say next or daydreaming about something else altogether.[13]- If you're having trouble staying in the present, do something physical to bring your senses back to the present moment. For example, wiggle your toes.
Advertisement
Example Conversation Starters
Expert Q&A
Search
- QuestionHow can I talk to a businessman?
Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerWhen talking to a businessman, try to remain clear. Ask questions that pertain to the topic that is related to the business. Don't mix in personal topics, although making one general comment about it being a nice day is fine. Try to stay on task, and accomplish what it is you want to learn. - QuestionHow do I talk with anyone clearly?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerTry to follow the conversation, and comment on what is being talked about. Show that you are tracking the conversation by either nodding your head, or say uh-huh. Try to also ask a related question that will bring out more information on the general topic.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
SubmitAdvertisement
Tips
- Be mindful of the other person's nonverbal cues. For example, note their body language and facial expressions and use them to inform your own reactions. If someone's crossing their arms, for example, they may feel tense and want to change the conversation topic.Thanks
Tips from our Readers 
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of How.com.vn readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on How.com.vn, please submit it in the field below.
- Try to maintain eye contact for at least three seconds. Avoid immediately turning away if you're feeling nervous. Instead, turn slowly or look at the bridge of their nose.
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/optimizing-success/202206/9-easy-ways-start-conversation-stranger
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201107/10-tips-talk-about-anything-anyone
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/talk-strangers
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201107/10-tips-talk-about-anything-anyone
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/want-to-be-close-to-someone-ask-these-36-questions
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
- ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103122000750
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201809/5-tips-how-stop-repeating-the-same-mistakes
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sustainable-life-satisfaction/201909/are-you-guilty-of-making-too-many-assumptions
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/client-centered-therapy/
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/active-listening/
About This Article
Licensed Social Worker
This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 542,715 times.
Co-authors: 12
Updated: April 16, 2024
Views: 542,715
Categories: Social Interactions
Article SummaryX
If you want to feel comfortable talking to anyone, smile and make eye contact as you greet them. Greet the person in a friendly, open way, such as “Hi, it’s so good to see you!” or “How have you been?” As the person is talking to you, try to match their tone, and avoid questions or comments that could make the person feel uncomfortable, like comments about their body or questions about their political or religious views. Instead, stick to light-hearted subjects like pets, hobbies, movies, and sports. Scroll down to find out some common mistakes to avoid in conversation, like one-upping someone.
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 542,715 times.
Reader Success Stories
"It is an awesome article. It helped me to improve my mindset."
Did this article help you?
⚠️ Disclaimer:
Content from Wiki How English language website. Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License; additional terms may apply.
Wiki How does not encourage the violation of any laws, and cannot be responsible for any violations of such laws, should you link to this domain, or use, reproduce, or republish the information contained herein.
- - A few of these subjects are frequently censored by educational, governmental, corporate, parental and other filtering schemes.
- - Some articles may contain names, images, artworks or descriptions of events that some cultures restrict access to
- - Please note: Wiki How does not give you opinion about the law, or advice about medical. If you need specific advice (for example, medical, legal, financial or risk management), please seek a professional who is licensed or knowledgeable in that area.
- - Readers should not judge the importance of topics based on their coverage on Wiki How, nor think a topic is important just because it is the subject of a Wiki article.
Advertisement
