How to Break Up with Someone You’re Not Officially Dating

The dos and don'ts of ending a casual relationship

When it comes to the world of dating, casual relationships can be especially hard to navigate. Maybe your relationship lost its spark, or you just don’t feel the same way that you did before. Telling the other person you want to end things can be intimidating and awkward, but you owe it to them, and yourself, to be upfront about your feelings. Not to worry—we’ve answered a lot of your frequently-asked questions, so you can move toward a happier, healthier chapter in your future.

Things You Should Know

End a casual relationship once you know it’s no longer working—but pick a good time when neither of you has anything else going on, and do it in person.
Be honest about how you feel, but be gentle about it. Try to weave some positives in, and ground your breakup in “I” statements: “I feel that it’s not working out.”
Avoid continuing to hook up or send any other mixed messages after breaking up, as this could make things messier and more painful for you both.

Question 1 of 11:

When is it time to end a casual relationship?

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End the relationship when you’re no longer interested in the other person. Don’t try to extend the relationship, or wait for the “magic” to come back. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel the same way you did before, but it’s best to let your hook-up know as soon as you can.
- Don’t keep the other person on “standby” until a new person comes along. Instead, break things off as soon as you can. This way, you can start looking for someone who really satisfies your needs—and so can they.

Question 2 of 11:

Should I end things in person?

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Yes, it's best to talk to them in person. Even if you haven’t been hooking up for that long, it’s still worth meeting face-to-face whenever you decide to break things off. Shoot them a text or give them a call and see if they’re free to meet up.^{[1]XResearch source}
- If you’re unable to make an in-person meeting work, try talking on the phone or chatting over video.

Question 3 of 11:

When should I have the conversation?

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Schedule the meet-up at a convenient time. Try not to meet up first thing in the morning, or right when the other person gets off work. Instead, pick a time when you both can focus on the conversation without any distractions.
- You might meet up on the weekend, or sometime in the early evening.

Question 4 of 11:

How do I break things off without being rude?

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Be honest but considerate about how you’re feeling. Let them know that you aren’t really into the relationship and that you need to break things off. Try to politely explain how you’re feeling, and let them know why things haven’t been working.^{[2]XResearch source}
- You might say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I can’t really see this relationship going anywhere. I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other.”

Question 5 of 11:

How do I end things on a good note?

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Express yourself with “I” statements. Using “I” statements puts the focus entirely on your feelings and experiences, rather than laying any blame on the other person. These statements are a great way to be honest without hurting any feelings in the process.^{[3]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source}
- You could say something like, “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and I’m not ready for a relationship” or “My schedule is really exhausting, and I don’t have the energy for late-night booty calls.”

Question 6 of 11:

Is it okay to end a casual relationship over text?

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It’s not ideal, but it’s okay to send a text. It’s preferable to end things in person, but texting is better than nothing. If the relationship is really casual, a basic text can break things off while still providing the other person with closure.^{[4]XResearch source}
- You could say, “It’s been fun getting to know you, but I don’t really feel a connection here. Best wishes!”
- You might also text something like, “I don’t feel like we’re a good match. It’s nothing personal, but I think it’s best if we stop meeting up.”

Question 7 of 11:

How do I end things with someone who won’t commit?

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Let them know that they aren’t satisfying your needs. It can be really tough when you and your hook-up have different long-term goals for the relationship. Instead, let them know that the relationship isn’t meeting your needs, and that you need to break things off. Stress that, while you don’t have any hard feelings, you don’t want to meet up with them anymore.^{[5]XResearch source}
- You might say something like, “I’ve had a fun time over the past few weeks, but I’m really looking for a long-term relationship. I really wish you the best, but I need to put myself first.”

Question 8 of 11:

Is it okay to delete them on social media after we’ve split up?

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Yes, deleting them on social media is perfectly fine. It can be tough to see an ex on TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram every time you log on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with unfriending, unfollowing, or even blocking them to give yourself a sense of space and privacy.^{[6]XResearch source}
- You could even mute them temporarily while you adjust to no longer being together. This way, if you eventually feel like you’d like to reconnect, you can do so easily.

Question 9 of 11:

Is it okay to ghost someone?

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1
No, ghosting isn’t usually a good idea. Ghosting, or cutting off communication without any explanation, may seem like the easy way out, but it leaves your ex with a lot more questions than answers. Instead, at least shoot them a text to let them know that you don’t want to go out anymore. This way, the other person won’t wonder what went wrong.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Try to put yourself in their shoes. Would you be okay with someone ghosting you, or would you rather get some kind of explanation?
If your ex is abusive, manipulative, or ignorant of your boundaries, it’s okay to cut things off without any explanation. Your safety and emotional wellbeing are most important!^{[8]XResearch source}

Question 10 of 11:

How will they react to me breaking up with them?

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Hopefully, they’ll be gracious—but prepare for some hurt. Breakups are unpleasant all around. Even if you do everything perfectly and it’s ultimately what’s best for you both, the other person could still wind up with some hurt feelings, especially if they were more invested in the relationship than you. Don’t expect them to retaliate (and you certainly don’t deserve it if they do), but prepare for the possibility that they’ll respond with anger or that they’ll blame you for the breakup.^{[9]XResearch source}
- Even if you want to stay friends after, realize they may not want to—and their friends may not want to, either. They may come around in time, or they might not.

Question 11 of 11:

Is it okay if we still hook up once in a while?

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Hooking up can lead to a lot of mixed messages, and will only complicate things in the future. Instead, try to break things off as cleanly as possible, so you can both move on.

Expert Q&A

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Question
What should I do if I'm not sure whether I want to break up or not?
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Ask yourself a series of basic questions about the relationship, and answer them honestly. Do they make you a better person? Do they make you happy? Do they make you better and stronger? If the answer to some, or all of those questions is "no," it's probably time to move on.
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Question
Why break up with someone if it's just a casual thing?
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Your time is valuable. If you don't see a future with this other person and you're not enjoying yourself, just move on. If you're still having fun and the other person adds something to your life, it's totally fine to stay together!
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