How to Apologise to Your Boyfriend Through Text

Have you hurt your boyfriend and are now regretting it? It’s okay—we’re all human, and sometimes our emotions get the better of us. All healthy relationships sometimes have moments where we slip up, and learning how to repair our relationships through apologies is an important part of mature communication. If you’re wondering how to convey your feelings over text, we’ve got you covered. We’ll walk you through this situation with our guide on how to apologize to your boyfriend over text.

This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, John Keegan. Check out the full interview here.

1

“I’m so sorry.”

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A genuine “sorry” can go a long way. Making amends really does start with a heartfelt expression of this simple word. It can mean a lot to your boyfriend to hear you say it. You can also say sorry over text with something like:^{[1]XExpert SourcePatti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating CoachExpert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- “I’m really sorry about the other night.”
- “I can’t express to you how sorry I am about what happened.”
- “I owe you an apology, and I’m really sorry.”

2

“I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

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Taking responsibility makes for an effective apology. Show your boyfriend that you’re aware that you made a mistake, and let him know that you have the self-awareness it takes to make this relationship work. Say something like:^{[2]XExpert SourceJohn Keegan
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
- “It was wrong of me to get upset at you when you were trying your best to make our night a good one.”
- “I was completely in the wrong to have called you those names.”
- “I shouldn’t have lost my temper—there was no reason that we couldn’t have had a calm discussion.”

3

“I feel terrible about what happened.”

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Showing remorse lets your boyfriend know how you feel. By letting him know that what you did has been weighing on you, you’re also letting him know that you care about him. Text him something like:^{[3]XTrustworthy SourceHarvard Medical SchoolHarvard Medical School's Educational Site for the PublicGo to source}
- “I’ve been thinking about our fight all day, and it’s really been bothering me.”
- “I really regret that I acted like that in front of you.”
- “I’ve been upset all night thinking about the fact that I yelled at you.”

4

“I was having a hard day, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

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An explanation can clarify your actions. Remember that while you shouldn’t try to justify yourself or be defensive, it’s a good idea to let your boyfriend know if something else was on your mind that caused you to act the way you did. Send him a message like:^{[4]XResearch source}
- “I’d just been dealing with my mom, and I came into our conversation already upset.”
- “I’ve been feeling really depressed lately, but you don’t deserve to be the target.”
- “Work has been really tough these past few days, but I should have left those feelings in the office.”

5

“I can see how what I said hurt you.”

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Empathy gives your boyfriend a chance to feel heard. Try to put yourself in his shoes, and tell him that you understand how he must be feeling. Empathy is a key part of every relationship, so show him you have what it takes to make this one work. Say something like:^{[5]XResearch source}
- “I know it must be really hard on you to have me constantly doubting your commitment to me.”
- “I know that you’re trying your best, and that our fight must have really bothered you.”
- “I understand that you’re a kind and sensitive person, and so expressing myself in an angry way like that must be really difficult for you.”

6

“You’re so important to me.”

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Demonstrating that you care about the relationship can save it. If you’re wondering how to apologize to your boyfriend, you probably really want this relationship to work. Showing him that it’s important to you can mean a lot to him. Send him a message like:^{[6]XResearch source}
- “I really love you, even if I don’t show it all the time.”
- “You’re my best friend, and I care about you so much.”
- “I value having you in my life more than anything.”

7

“I promise that this won’t happen again.”

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Making a plan for accountability rebuilds trust. A promise that you won’t repeat the same mistakes in the future can let him know that you’re committed to change. Giving him a more specific plan to make a change can work even better, so try saying something like:^{[7]XResearch source}
- “I know I’ve been pretty emotionally off lately. I think it would help our relationship for me to talk to a professional, and so I’ve scheduled an appointment with a therapist.”
- “I realize that my anger has become a problem for us. I want to make things better, so I’ve decided to start taking anger management classes.”
- “I’ve been really irresponsible with our money. How about if we work on making a budget together?”

8

“Can we talk about what happened?”

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An apology can be a good time for open communication. Every fight can actually be a great learning opportunity for both you and your boyfriend to learn how to communicate better in the future. Invite him to open up about what’s on his mind by saying something like:^{[8]XExpert SourceJohn Keegan
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
- “I really don’t want to have a repeat of last night, so could we schedule some time to talk about how we’re feeling?”
- “I want to learn how to communicate with you better—would you be okay with having a conversation about this tonight?”
- “I know that feelings were really hurt the other day. I think we could process this better by having an open conversation.”

9

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

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Repairing the relationship might take more than words. Asking your boyfriend if there’s anything practical you can do to make up for what happened is a great way to make amends. If you know what kinds of affection your boyfriend responds to best, offer to provide it to him by saying something like:^{[9]XTrustworthy SourceGreater Good MagazineJournal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier livingGo to source}
- “I want to show you that I care about you, so I made you this playlist that reminds me of you.”
- “I know we just went through a rough patch—maybe I could plan a date for us so that we can spend some quality time together?”
- “I’m really sorry for what happened, and I got you a gift that I think you might like to try and make it up to you.”

10

“Can we talk about this in person?”

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This conversation might be better face-to-face. Some issues are too big to be dealt with over text, and as scary as it might be, an in-person conversation can give you both the space you need to work through what happened. Say something like:^{[10]XExpert SourceCourtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating CoachExpert Interview. 27 August 2021.}
- “I really want to express how sorry I am to you face-to-face—can you carve out some time this weekend?”
- “How about if we head to the park this evening? I think it would be good to talk about what happened.”
- “Any dinner plans tomorrow? I want to get a chance to apologize to you not over text.”

11

“Do you think that you could forgive me?”

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Asking for forgiveness puts the ball in your boyfriend’s court. Requesting forgiveness is an important part of an apology, because it gives your boyfriend the chance to take his own feelings into account and make a decision. Say something like:^{[11]XResearch source}
- “I’d like to ask you for your forgiveness, if you’re ready.”
- “I want to be able to move on from this, but I know it’s not entirely my decision.”
- “I know I’ve really hurt you, but could you forgive me?”

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Tips

Try to apologize sooner rather than later. Taking too much time to apologize after you’ve made a mistake can make it harder for you and your boyfriend to see eye-to-eye.^{[12]XExpert SourceJohn Keegan
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
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If your boyfriend doesn’t forgive you, it’s sometimes best to move on. Give him some time to see if he’ll come around, but if he doesn’t, you’re not a bad person for ending the relationship.^{[13]XExpert SourcePatti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating CoachExpert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
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