Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
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Sometimes you know a break up is coming and you do all you can to avoid it, and other times you are caught completely off guard by your significant other deciding to leave the relationship without any input from you. Whichever way your break up goes, a relationship's end can be crushing emotionally, psychologically and socially. Move on after a break up by focusing on yourself, cutting all ties with your ex and looking for things to do that will keep you from brooding or slipping into a depression.
Steps
Allow yourself to have mixed feelings. Even if the relationship was unhealthy, you need time to grieve. Accept and acknowledge feeling sad, angry, confused, frustrated and relieved.[1]
Take some time for self-reflection. Sometimes, people change when they are in relationships. Figure out what you like best about yourself as a single person and focus on making that part shine.[2]Advertisement
Rally your support network. If your break up means you lose some mutual friends, that's okay. Talk to your good friends, family members and others who will stand by you during this difficult time.
Talk to a therapist. Some people are better able to identify their feelings and get over the break up fast with the help of a mental health professional.- Reader Poll: We asked 299 How.com.vn readers who've been through a breakup, and only 6% of them agreed that the best way to cope is by getting professional help. [Take Poll] While in many cases you can handle a breakup on your own, if you’re struggling, never hesitate to seek professional help.
Try not to call, text, message or follow your ex. This will be uncomfortable for the both of you and it will not help you move on after your break up.[6]- Make it clear to your ex that you wish to put some distance between the two of you. Sometimes, former partners think they can stay friends. While this might be possible down the road, the weeks and months immediately following your break up are not good times to keep in touch.
Discontinue talking or getting together with your ex's family members. If Sunday brunch with your ex-girlfriend's mom was on your schedule permanently, you will have to cancel and fill that time slot with something else.[7]
Stop romanticizing the relationship. It is over, so it was not the perfect fairy tale you might be imagining now.
Delete him or her from all your social networking contacts. If you really want to move on, you cannot be Facebook friends.
Seek the company of old friends. You may have let some relationships fall to the side while you were in love, but those friends have not forgotten you. Go out and have fun with people you like.
Discover new interests. Learning something new is a great way to take the sting out of a break up. Take cooking classes, learn a new language, start exploring photography or plant a garden.[8]
Consider dating again. People are ready at different times. Some are ready to jump back into the dating pool and others are hesitant.[9]- Let everyone know you are ready to date again. This will inspire introductions, blind dates and other potential set-ups. You can also think about online dating.
- Make new friends if you are not comfortable dating just yet. Friendships can develop into something more romantic down the road.
How Do You Cope With a Breakup?
Expert Q&A
- QuestionHow do I stop hurting after a breakup?
Sarah Schewitz, PsyDSarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
Licensed PsychologistFocus on yourself to move on from a breakup. Going to therapy, reading books on personal growth, and listening to podcasts can all help you move on. Digging into personal growth is the best way to move through the hurt and pain of a breakup and get into the growth and understanding that can come from it.
Tips
- Recognize signs of depression. It is normal to be sad and depressed for a while after a break up, but if you find yourself unable to feel better and you are unwilling to participate in moving on, seek professional help for depression.[10]Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.lifehack.org/696285/how-self-reflection-gives-you-a-happier-and-more-successful-life
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/physical-activity-its-important
- ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/eight-tips-for-healthy-eating/
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/in-depth/walking/art-20046261
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201612/4-reasons-stay-out-contact-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201501/7-mistakes-you-need-avoid-after-breakup
- ↑ https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/20-hobbies-which-will-make-you-more-productive.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201611/15-questions-help-you-decide-youre-ready-date-again
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201208/coping-distress-and-agony-after-break
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201209/7-phrases-will-help-you-get-over-breakup
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201502/after-the-break-when-moving-seems-impossible
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/relationship-boot-camp/201105/how-get-through-break
About This Article
While it can be hard to move on after a break up, giving yourself time to recover and cutting ties with your ex will help you get off to a great start. Take some time out to express your feelings, whether they are sadness, confusion, anger, or fear, since you can’t move on until you’ve processed the emotional impact of your break up. It's also important to stop calling, texting, or following your ex on social media, which will give you the space you need to look forward rather than back. Meet up with friends so you can maintain an active social life, which will help you stop thinking about your previous relationship. For tips from our Relationship co-author on how to approach dating after a break up, read on!
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