This article was co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and by How.com.vn staff writer, Sophie Burkholder, BA. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
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Marriages are meant to last a long time, but it’s natural for them to go through peaks and valleys as you and your husband change and grow. Sometimes, attraction fades, or you don’t feel the same pull to your husband as you did when you were first dating. This doesn’t mean your relationship is over or you don’t love your husband. We spoke to licensed counselor Tara Vossenkemper and clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael to find the best ways to overcome this phase in your marriage and rebuild your attraction to your husband.
Things You Should Know
- If you're not attracted to your husband, identify the core issue. Consider what has been pushing you away from your relationship and what you need going forward.
- Talk to your husband, but do it gently. Use “I” statements to discuss what you need rather than what he needs to change.
- For example, you could say, “We haven’t had much quality time together lately. I would appreciate planning at least one date night a month.”
Steps
Expert Q&A
Tips
- If you’re not sure whether you’re attracted to your husband anymore, look for signs that you’ve lost some of that spark.Thanks
- Common signs that you’re no longer attracted to your husband include thinking that he’s let himself go, becoming more irritated by things you used to find cute, or caring less about making an effort around him.Thanks
- Sometimes marriages do end. According to marriage counselor Tara Vossenkemper, the biggest signs a marriage is over are “contempt, which looks like eye rolling [and] sarcasm,” and “when it is entirely flatlined…no excitement talking about their past [or] looking forward to the future.”Thanks
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationship issues, check out our in-depth interview with Chloe Carmichael, PhD.
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202212/3-reasons-you-feel-bored-by-a-healthy-relationship
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34334944/
- ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/how-important-is-sex-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/is-lack-of-communication-a-red-flag
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201203/why-the-spark-fades-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201203/why-the-spark-fades-in-relationship
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/do-looks-matter-in-a-relationship#love-vs-physical-attraction
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22268980/
- ↑ https://theawarenesscentre.com/what-are-the-effects-of-a-lack-of-intimacy-in-a-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.uclahealth.org/news/talking-to-someone-close-about-a-touchy-topic-weight-gain
- ↑ https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/expert-tips-picking-relationship-battles-wisely/story?id=30116974
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/how-important-is-sex-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/what-maintenance-sex-it-may-help-strengthen-your-marriage-ncna956216
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/sexual-attraction-vs-romantic-attraction/
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