Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Nicolette Tura, MA. Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University
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Do you tend to put other people’s needs ahead of your own? Maybe you’re nervous about being disliked. Maybe you were simply raised to put other people first. Regardless of the reason, learning to prioritize your needs is easy if you practice. It’ll take some time to adjust, but start by saying “no” to some things instead of “yes” to everything. Create some boundaries and make your voice heard and your opinion matter. Above all, make time to care for yourself.[1] In this article, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know about taking charge and learning to not be a people pleaser.
Steps
Expert Q&A
- QuestionHow do you handle social pressure?
Nicolette Tura, MANicolette Tura is an Empowerment Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University
Empowerment Expert
- QuestionHow do I stop being a pushover?Nicolette Tura, MANicolette Tura is an Empowerment Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University
Empowerment ExpertBe honest with yourself regarding what you can and can't do, and stay true to your integrity. Understand that if you continue to people please, you may end up lashing out and feeling burnt out. Try to have open and honest conversations with people, as that can encourage compromise. - QuestionHow can I stop wanting to please everyone?Nicolette Tura, MANicolette Tura is an Empowerment Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University
Empowerment ExpertWhen you find yourself people pleasing, ask yourself a few questions before you say yes to something. Does this action make me happy? Do I want to do this? Why am I doing this? Make sure you are staying true to your own needs and sense of integrity before giving a response.
Tips
- Don't worry about what other people think of you.Thanks
- Ask yourself if you tolerate things other people wouldn’t tolerate. Learn to identify and label unacceptable treatment from others and set limits on their behavior when they violate your boundaries.Thanks
- Be persistent. If this is a lifelong habit, it will not be easy to overcome. Maintain enough self-awareness so that you realize when you are being a pleaser.Thanks
References
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/21_ways_to_give_good_no
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2014/11/stand-up
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2014/11/stand-up
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romantically-attached/201608/4-ways-set-and-keep-your-personal-boundaries
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2012/10/compromising-when-compromise-i
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/12942-fostering-a-positive-self-image
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201310/how-stop-people-pleasing
About This Article
To stop being a people pleaser, start by telling yourself, "I can make a decision to say yes or no,” to remind yourself that you have choices. Then, practice saying “no” to small requests, such as going out with a friend when you’d rather stay in, so that you can build up to standing up for yourself in bigger matters. Additionally, don’t be afraid to speak up and let others know what you want while staying calm and firm. For example, if your friend invites you out for Italian food, but you’d rather have Korean, tell them you’d like to get Korean food next time. For tips on how to compromise while setting healthy boundaries, read on!
Reader Success Stories
"I always tend to please my friends thinking that it would make them like me more, but I get no recognition. I only end up wasting time and chances to do what I really want to do. I've realized that I need to learn to love myself more without their approval."..." more
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