How to Prove Emotional Abuse

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Protect yourself, your child, or a loved one from emotional abuse

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• What is emotional abuse?
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• Proving Emotional Abuse in Court
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• Signs of Emotional Abuse in Children, Adults, & Elders
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• Reporting Emotional Abuse
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• Video
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• Tips

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Emotional abuse affects millions of people, both young and old. The effects of emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this. To prove that someone is emotionally abusing you or your child, you will need examples of the abuse—such as abusive emails or witnesses. If you have evidence that someone is being emotionally abused, you should contact the appropriate authorities immediately.

Proving Emotional Abuse

Keep a journal of each instance of emotional abuse, and hold onto any supporting evidence such as text messages, emails, smartphone footage, witness testimonies, and medical records. Ask for evaluation by a licensed psychologist who can look for signs of emotional abuse.

Steps

Section 1 of 4:

What is emotional abuse?

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1. 
   Emotional abuse is a pattern of intentional behavior that negatively impacts someone’s emotional well-being. Emotionally abusive acts are nonphysical, but they may be combined with physically, mentally, or sexually abusive behaviors. As a type of psychological abuse, emotional abuse may include any act of verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or confinement that diminishes someone’s self-worth or dignity, such as:

   • Swearing or yelling
   • Name calling, mocking, and insults
   • Verbal or physical threats or intimidation
   • Isolation or excluding someone
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Prove Emotional Abuse in Court

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1. 
   1
   Document any abusive behavior in a journal. List each incident of emotional, verbal, or mental abuse in your journal. Write down the date of the incident alongside details about what the abuser said, how it made you (or the abused individual) feel, and if there were any witnesses.

   • However, you should be careful not to leave the journal lying around. If you live with the abuser, then the abuser could find the journal.
   • Instead of keeping a paper journal, try a digital journal that’s password-protected. You can easily take notes on your smartphone or laptop and store them electronically.
   • If you yourself are not experiencing the abuse firsthand, talk to abuse victims and attempt to document the abuse that that person is suffering. Simply ask them how they are feeling to help them open up.
   • Some people might hesitate to tell someone else that they are being abused. Older adults, for example, may feel embarrassed that they are powerless, and children may be afraid that you’ll believe the things the abuser says about them.
2. 
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   Preserve any evidence of emotional abuse, like texts or medical records. Hold onto any letter, email, note, or voicemail in which the abuser uses abusive language—if you live with your abuser, entrust a friend with copies of these messages. Report the emotional abuse to a doctor so that the abuse is documented in medical records. Collect and compile other types of supporting evidence, such as:

   • Audio recordings
   • Smartphone footage
   • Character witnesses
   • Photographs
   • Medical or psychiatric records
   • Police or incident reports
   • Allegations of domestic violence
3. 
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   Speak to any witnesses who can testify to the abuse. Consider whether anyone in your life or the life of the abused individual can provide witness testimony about the abusive behavior, e.g. a relative, friend, teacher, neighbor, employer, or coach. The witness didn’t have to actually witness the abuse itself, but they can make a statement about any emotional changes or other signs of abuse in the person who experienced it.

   • For example, the teacher of a child who has endured emotional abuse may attest to that child’s sudden decline in academic performance or interest in socialization.
4. 
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   Ask for a psychological evaluation during your court case. If you are a defendant trying to prove emotional abuse in court, ask for a mental health study. If you are a parent trying to prove emotional abuse on behalf of your child, ask for your child and their other parent to have psychological evaluations.

   • A licensed psychologist may be able to find signs of emotional abuse in either the abuser or the abused individual.
   • The professional opinion or diagnosis of a psychologist may go a long way in proving emotional abuse in your court case.
   • If your case involves a child, ask for information from the child’s school or teachers about their recent behavior and demeanor.
5. 
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   If you’re proving emotional abuse on behalf of a child, focus on their needs. It’s very easy to get caught up in the fear and emotion of a divorce or custody proceeding—especially when it involves emotional abuse. However, it’s crucial to prioritize your child’s needs during this challenging time. Here are some ways you can continue to support and protect your child during an emotional abuse case:

   • Remind your child that the abuse is in no way their fault.
   • Keep your child’s life as consistent and stable as possible.
   • Maintain the same schedule that your child had before your separation or court case.
   • Fight for custody agreements that limit contact between your child and the abuser.
   • Use an attorney to communicate with your child’s other parent during your time in court.
   • Avoid any confrontation with your child’s other parent.
   • Take your child to counseling so that they can discuss their feelings and experiences with a professional.
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Section 3 of 4:

What are the signs of emotional abuse?

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1. 
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   Signs of abuse in children include low self-esteem and social disinterest. Identifying emotional abuse in children can be challenging, as children may lack the words to tell someone that they’re being emotionally abused or to describe abusive events exactly as they’re happening. However, common warning signs that a child is being abused or neglected include:

   • Withdrawal from social activities.
   • Difficulty making and maintaining friendships.
   • Diminished self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-belief.
   • Decline in school performance.
   • Desperation for approval and affection.
   • Excessive compliance and fear of getting in trouble.
   • Repeated ailments like stomach aches or headaches that do not have a medical cause.
   • Frequent outbursts and signs of emotional dysregulation.
2. 
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   Emotional abuse in romantic relationships often manifests as controlling behaviors. Emotional abuse can be every bit as damaging as physical violence in a relationship. Emotional abuse begins to take its toll on your self-esteem, happiness, and even your physical health, but there are certain signs you can look for to end the relationship before the abuse escalates. The emotional abuser in a romantic relationship may:

   • Criticize, judge, or humiliate you, even in public.
   • Try to control you and what you do, e.g. telling you what to wear or whether you can work.
   • Become jealous about the time you spend with friends and family, especially those of the opposite sex.
   • Constantly accuses you of cheating and wants you to ask permission before spending time with others.
   • Track your location so they can monitor where you are at all times.
   • Demand access to your phone, passwords, and social media accounts.
   • Gaslight you by making you question your reality and saying that things you know happened didn’t happen.
   • Love bomb you by piling on compliments and gifts that they use to manipulate you later.
   • Withhold attention or affection as a way to punish you.
   • Make you feel guilty, frigid, or dumb for not wanting to have sex.
   • Threaten to break up with or hurt you in order to win an argument or get what they want from you.
   • Blame you for their manipulative or unhealthy behaviors.
3. 
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   Emotionally abused elders may become shy and insecure. Elder abuse can be perpetrated by anyone who cares for the elderly, whether a family member or a professional. In the United States, over half a million cases of elder abuse are reported each year. There are many symptoms of emotional abuse in the elderly:

   • They often suffer from hopelessness or low self-esteem.
   • They become shy and withdrawn.
   • They experience sudden changes in sleeping or eating habits.
   • They express a desire to hurt themselves or someone else.
4. 
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   A victim of workplace emotional abuse may be abnormally fatigued after work. Professional emotional abuse is often described as “workplace bullying,” and it’s not limited to supervisors bullying subordinates. In fact, almost anyone can become the victim of bullying in the workplace. Some tension is common in most workplaces, but you may be the victim of bullying if:

   • You obsess about work while at home and have trouble sleeping at night.
   • You come home from work lifeless and without any emotional energy.
   • You are afraid to admit to loved ones that you are being bullied and may even suspect that you brought the abuse on yourself.
   • You are isolated by other employees, some of whom are afraid to work with you.
   • Nothing you do is good enough for your boss, and your boss expects perfect performance without offering adequate training or supervision.
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Section 4 of 4:

How to Report Emotional Abuse

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1. 
   1
   Call the police if someone’s physical safety is threatened. If the emotional abuse has gotten to the point where the person feels terrorized or is suffering severe physical ailments, then you should call the police. Only the police can extricate someone, like a child or older adult, from the custody of their caretaker or guardian.
2. 
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   Contact Child Protective Services (CPS) if any children are involved. If a child is being emotionally abused by an adult in the house, then you should report the abuse to your local CPS office. You can find the appropriate office by calling the Childhelp hotline at 1-800-422-4453. When you are connected to CPS, you may be asked for the following information:

   • Your relationship with the child
   • The child’s name and age
   • The child’s home address and current location
   • The suspected abuser and their relationship to the child
   • The parents’ contact information
   • The names of other witnesses and contact information for each
3. 
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   Report elder abuse to Adult Protective Services (APS). Each U.S. state has an APS agency. Call 1-800-677-1116 to find the agency in your area. You may also use this national Eldercare Locator. Be sure to provide the following information:

   • The older person’s name
   • Their address and contact information
   • The reasons why you suspect emotional abuse
   • The extent of the older person’s family or social support network
   • Whether or not you have seen abusive behavior firsthand
   • Any knowledge you have of medical problems such as dementia
4. 
   4
   Contact Human Resources to report workplace emotional abuse. Your company should have a grievance process in place. Check your employee handbook or manuals. If you can’t find any information, then reach out to Human Resources and ask for a meeting.

   • If you work for a small company without a Human Resources department, talk to the business owner to report bullying by your coworkers.
   • If your boss is the bully, then you may not have any other choice but to quit your job.
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Tips

• Most U.S. family courts judge emotional abuse and physical abuse on the same level, as they both threaten the abused person’s safety. In custody cases, a parent may gain sole custody if they can prove that the other parent has emotionally abused their child.
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• If you are in danger of serious injury because of the abuse, then you should seek immediate help. You can worry about documenting the abuse at a later date.
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• If you’re a survivor of emotional abuse, it’s easy to tell yourself that it’s not that bad because it’s not violent. Emotional abuse is just as valid and can be just as damaging as emotional abuse. You deserve help and support to escape and heal from it.
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