How to Accept and Show Love to Someone Who Loves You

Falling in love is one of the most beautiful and scary things you can experience. Showing love to someone who loves you can feel like a challenge at first, but there are techniques you can use to open up your heart.

Here are 10 tips to help you open up and love someone who loves you back.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.

1

Name the things you two have in common.

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You’re more likely to fall in love with someone with similar interests. Sit down and think about all the things you two have in common: it could be little things, like both liking ice cream, or big things, like how you both want to move abroad someday. The more things you two have in common, the more likely you are to work out.^{[1]XResearch source}
- The myth that opposites attract is rarely ever true—couples with too many differences tend to get into fights more often.

2

Treat them with kindness.

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Research shows that being kind can make you feel more love. When you interact with this person, make sure you ask them how they’re doing or pick them up a special treat. The more acts of kindness you can show them, the more likely you are to fall in love.^{[2]XResearch source}
- You could also rub their feet after a long day, make them dinner when they’re hungry, or buy them flowers for a special occasion.
- Be kind when you talk with them, too. Even if you get frustrated or upset, try not to say anything mean or hurtful.

3

Tell them what you like about them.

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Go back and forth, naming 5 things you like about each other. It could be anything: their appearance, their personality, their sense of style, their laugh, or their kindness. Try to name a few things that you appreciate to feel more love and work toward expanding your feelings.^{[3]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.}^{[4]XResearch source}
- Try to do this in a quiet, private place. You’ll feel more connected to each other that way.

4

Open up to them.

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Tell them about your fears or your dreams. Don’t close off because you’re scared of being hurt—instead, let them get to know you on a deeper level.^{[5]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.} You don’t have to do this all at once, but keep an open mind about it.^{[6]XResearch source}
- For instance, maybe your dream is to go to culinary school and become a professional chef. You can share this with the person who loves you, and they’ll probably support your dreams and tell you to go for it.
- Or, maybe you can open up about how you’re afraid of dying alone someday. The person who loves you might be able to relate, and it could spark a deep discussion between the two of you.

5

Hang out with them often.

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Proximity makes people fall in love faster. If you can, try to spend quality time with them a few times per week to get to know them better. If they live far away, try doing FaceTime dates or video chats until you two can get together in person.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Repeated exposure is also key. You’re probably not going to fall in love the first time you meet someone, but you can make it happen if you hang out with them for a longer period of time.

6

Have deep conversations.

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Go beyond small talk and pleasantries. Try to talk about what you want to do in the future, what your goals are, and what you’re passionate about. The more you get to know each other on a deeper level, the more you’ll be able to fall in love with someone.^{[8]XResearch source}
- This probably won’t happen on the first date, but you can try deeper conversation topics on the second or third dates.

7

Stare into their eyes.

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Studies show that 4 minutes of eye contact can facilitate love. Head somewhere private and set a timer on your phone. Stare deeply into the other person’s eyes, and try not to look away once. At the end of the 4 minutes, you may feel more of a spark than you did before.^{[9]XResearch source}
- This can (and probably will) feel pretty awkward at first. Try to push through the weird feelings and let it happen.

8

Maintain your own identity.

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It will help you keep your sense of self as you fall in love. Be sure you’re making time to do hobbies and hang out with friends like you normally would.^{[10]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.} If you can hang onto who you are, you’re more likely to fall in love in a healthy way rather than becoming infatuated with someone.^{[11]XResearch source}
- Your partner should maintain their own sense of self, too. If they become so dedicated to you that they don’t do anything else, it might not be the healthiest of relationships.

9

Don’t resist their love.

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Falling in love can feel scary. If you’ve been hurt in the past, you might be resistant to someone’s efforts. If you can, really try to fight that feeling off and open yourself up to being loved.^{[12]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.} It’s better to try it out than to wonder what could have happened.
- Try not to pull away from the person who loves you, and avoid the urge to ghost them or suddenly stop replying to them. If they ask you out on a date, accept it! If they open up to you, try to return the favor!
- If you’re really struggling with your feelings, it may be helpful to talk to a mental health professional.

10

Let them know if you don’t love them.

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Sometimes love isn’t going to happen, and that’s okay. If you find that you really aren’t in love with someone who loves you, try to let them know sooner rather than later. You can both extract yourself from the relationship and work on finding partners that love you unconditionally.^{[13]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.}^{[14]XResearch source}
- There’s no specific timeline for how long you should wait for love to happen. However, if it’s been a few months, it’s probably time to move on.

Expert Q&A

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Why is it so hard for me to accept that someone loves me?
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Answer
You're likely following a long-term pattern from your past. For instance, you might be scared to get hurt or vulnerable, or had poor relationships modeled to you as a child.
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If you have trouble working through your emotions surrounding love and relationships, consider talking to a therapist.^{[15]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
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