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This article was co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP. Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.
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This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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Sometimes we meet someone and we just know: it's love. However, it isn't always easy to see the wonderful qualities of the people right there in front of us. Therefore, it is good to know about some of the strategies that can make it more likely that someone will fall in love with you. Just remember that there is no way to make someone fall in love with you. All you can do is try to create the right conditions and see what happens.
Steps
Take good care of yourself. Physical appearance plays a huge role in whether or not someone will be attracted to someone else.[1] How well you care for your physical health and appearance is something that people can see right away, so it is worth putting some extra time and energy into while you are trying to attract someone. People will notice if you don’t care for yourself and this may make someone lose interest.- To ensure that you look your best, exercise, eat right, practice proper hygiene and wear clean, flattering clothing.
- Don't be afraid to capture attention.
Make a name for yourself, do something that they will remember and show them that there is so much more to you than just a pretty smile.- Make sure that your personality shines through and that they about your likes and dislikes. Being passionate about something is attractive, and others will take notice.
- Be proud of your accomplishments and confident in your abilities. Confidence is something that people admire, so don’t be shy about what you have accomplished.[2]
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Be kind. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. If you want others to treat you with care and respect, you should start treating others this way, too. People are more likely to fall in love with other people who have great personalities, who are polite, and who are kind to others.[3]
Show your flaws. Let him or her see how far you’ve come. For example, if you are fit and active now, but you used to be a couch potato, tell the person about your transformation. Revealing some of your past shortcomings to someone will allow him or her to see the real you and appreciate you even more.[4]
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Don't act like you're not bothered about the relationship. So many people do this. Pretending that you don't care about the relationship does not help and it makes the other person feel like a burden.
Be emotionally available. Relationships are hard. Before trying to get someone to fall in love with you, be sure that you are ready for one. If you are too hung up on a past relationship, are more interested in dating someone else, or just not ready for commitment, don't try to make someone fall in love with you.[5]
Ask yourself if you are truly in love. Is this the one? Consider how you feel about this person. Do you love them? You'll want to be sure that you feel romantic love for the person and not just the love felt between close friends. It can often be difficult to tell the difference. If you don’t love the person yet, then consider slowing things down. If it is meant to be then you will both develop feelings together.EXPERT TIPChristina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.Dating & Relationship Coach
Christina Jay, NLP
Dating & Relationship CoachOur Expert Agrees: It's tough to know if you're compatible with someone until you've been on your first date with them. To see if they'd be open to that, try flirting with them and letting them know you're interested in going on a date together.
Think about your motives. Think about why you want to be in a relationship. If you only want a person to love you in order to feel better about a breakup or to make your ex jealous, then getting that person to fall in love with you is a bad idea. This is inconsiderate towards the very real feelings they may end up developing. If you want someone to fall in love with you because you want to be with someone for a long time and have a mutually supportive relationship, then go ahead.[6]
Consider your goals. Determine your long-term goals for the relationship. If you can't see it lasting, there isn't much sense in trying to make someone fall in love with you. This is emotionally cruel to both yourself and the other person. There is nothing wrong with casual dating; if you want to date someone but don’t see it lasting, just enjoy it for what it is and don’t try to make it more serious. You don’t need to be in love to keep dating.
Believe that there are other people. Sometimes we have feelings for someone that are not returned. This is okay. You shouldn't feel like it's the end of the world or that there's no one else for you. There are eight billion people on this planet, after all. If someone doesn't return your feelings you should understand that it wasn't meant to be and that you wouldn't have been all that happy together. You'll find someone else before you know it and wonder why you ever felt upset in the first place.- Don’t try to be someone you are not to get someone to fall in love with you. Make sure that the other person is compatible with your true self.[7]
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Get to know the person better. The first step in getting someone to love you is to get to know the person better and allow the person to get to know you. Getting to know someone takes time and energy because you will have to ask the right questions and listen well.- Ask about what your love interest wanted to be as a child and what they want to do now. This will tell you about the person’s hopes and dreams, as well as other things that they want to get out of life.
- Ask about their likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, and goals.
Share the person’s passions. Show an interest in the things that your love interest loves and learn to appreciate the things that make them happy. Don’t fake your interest because people can often tell when you are not really interested in something. Try to experience the person’s interests through their eyes and share in that passion. This will give you something to bond over and put you on the path towards love.- For example, if the person is a big fan of a sport that you don’t know much (or anything) about, ask them to tell you more about it or teach you how to play. Or, if the person is really into a certain kind of music, listen to a lot of that music and find some songs that you like too.
Treat the person like a hero. Make your significant other feel like your hero when they’re around you. Let them help you with schoolwork (to make them feel smart), ask for personal advice (to make them feel wise), and ask for help or advice on subjects that are particularly important to the person (to give them a chance to demonstrate expertise). Asking for clothing advice or help reaching or opening containers are also ways that you can make your significant other feel useful and capable.[8]
Create trust. Trust is an essential component in a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Learn to trust your significant other and show that you trust them with your words and actions. Make sure that you show your significant other that you are trustworthy as well.[9]- If your significant other tells you a secret, keep it. If you find out about something that embarrasses them, don’t bring it up or tease him or her about it.
- Share your secrets with your significant other and reveal parts of yourself that no one else sees. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with your significant other and let them comfort you.
Support your significant other during difficult times. Offering support is very important to creating true love between two people. Most people want to be in relationships to begin with because they like having someone to support them. If you can be supportive and caring to your significant other, this will go a long way towards getting the person to fall in love with you.[10]- Sometimes you can support someone by offering to just listen and provide physical comfort. But other times, you may need to do something more. For example, if your significant other is struggling in school, you may need to help him or her study.
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Respect your significant other. Respect is important in a loving relationship. Always give your significant other a chance to speak and have an opinion, and when they talk, make sure that you listen. Respecting your significant other also means never giving them a reason to think that you're unfaithful. It's fun to flirt with other people, but if they see you flirting with everyone who walks down the street then they're never going to want to commit to you.[11]
Be a good friend. You should give your significant other the same consideration you would give a good friend. This means that you should always be there for them and be unselfish in your actions. But be a good friend to your significant other because you want them to be happy, not because you want something from them.
Remember that you are separate people. No one wants to feel trapped in a relationship. This is why many people keep themselves from getting too serious. If you give your significant other the freedom to do the things they love, you will go far in making the person feel comfortable with the idea of loving you. Respect your significant other’s independence; don’t try to change them and certainly don’t invade their privacy. They are allowed to have secrets and things that are just theirs.
Embrace your significant other just as they are. Celebrate the good things about your significant other and try to accept the things that annoy you. Don’t try to get your significant other to change for you.[12]- For example, don’t force your significant other to change their diet or personal style. If you make suggestions along these lines and they say “no”, respect that and don’t bring it up again.
Honor your significant other’s need for alone time and personal space. Alone time and personal space are important for both of you, so don’t try to make your significant other give up their personal time to spend more time with you. Be respectful of your significant other’s personal space as well and don’t try to rearrange your significant other’s room or go through their things.- Do things on your own or with your friends a couple of times each week. Don’t force your significant other to spend every waking moment with you or they may feel suffocated.
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Appreciate your significant other. Don't ever take the person for granted. If someone falls in love with you, you’ll need work to maintain that love. The best way to keep someone in love with you is to never, ever take the person for granted. Show the person that you appreciate him or her every day.[13]- For example, say thank you when your significant other does something nice for you. Make sure that the “thank you” is sincere and specific. For example, “Thank you for putting away the dishes and making coffee this morning! That made my morning so much easier! I really appreciate it.”
Spend quality time together. Just because you’re both in love and your relationship seems stable and at its peak doesn’t mean you should stop putting in an effort. Continue to go on dates, buy each other flowers, and things like that. This will show your significant other that you still care and are still invested in the relationship.[14]- Most importantly: tell your significant other “I love you” every day.
Keep things exciting. Don’t just do the same things you always do. Routines can be nice, relaxing, and even comforting but it’s important to break out every now and again and do something new and exciting together. This shows your significant other that there are still things to look forward to in the relationship and that their lives won’t stagnate by being with you. It can also help recapture some of the excitement associated with first falling in love.[15]- Do something daring like skydiving or rock climbing. Take up dance classes or learn to paint together.
- Learn something new together, like furniture building, which can be used to fill your living space with things you create together.
- Try introducing a board game night, which will give you the chance to have fun together and indulge your competitive sides.
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Find someone that's right for you. Finding the right person will increase your chances of being able to fall in love, be loved, and stay in love. The person you choose needs to be ready for a serious relationship, able to cope with the emotional stress of a relationship, and compatible with you. If the person does not meet these requirements, then you will be wasting your time and you may end up getting hurt.[16]- Think about your compatibility: Do you enjoy the same things? Do you have the same goals in life? People that make good couples tend to be kind of the same in terms of how they handle drama and what they prioritize in their life.
Set up a date. To set up a date, don't beat around the bush: Be straightforward and specific. Suggest a concrete activity that is entertaining for both of you and be honest about why you want the person to come. Taking control of the situation like this shows that you are confident, which is an admirable quality.- Tell your special someone something like, "Hey, I'd really like to go to the zoo this weekend and I would love it if you'd be my date."
Be a great date. From the very first date, you want to be someone that's fun to be around. Even before your date you will want to create opportunities to spend time together in a way that shows just how wonderful you are.- Choose date activities that will be fun for both of you. If you don't know each other very well, choose something that will give you and your date something to talk about: like a movie. If you do know each other well, choose something that's outside the norm for both of you. This may allow them to see you in a new light
- Try a thrilling date, such as an action movie or a trip to an amusement part. These activities have been shown to increase feelings of attraction between two people.[17]
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Expert Q&A
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- QuestionShould I get back with an ex that I dumped?
Jennifer Boidy, RNJennifer Boidy is a Registered Nurse based in Baltimore, Maryland. In addition to her nursing career, she also works as a Healthcare Content Strategist & Writer, helping businesses and non-profits market their products and services to healthcare provider organizations, pharmaceutical companies, and other healthcare services vendors. Jennifer’s areas of expertise include pharmaceuticals & life sciences, health technology, medical devices & diagnostics, health insurance & managed care, and healthcare services & facilities. Her certification as a Registered Nurse was issued by the Maryland Board of Nursing. She graduated from the University of Maryland with a BS in Marketing and Finance. She received her Associate of Science in Nursing from Carroll Community College in 2012.
Registered NurseOnly you can answer this question. Evaluate the relationship you had with your ex, what worked, what didn’t work, and what could be worked on. Also determine if you are both willing to make changes to fix whatever went wrong. If neither of you makes a change, then you will essentially be re-entering the relationship you left, in which case you’ll want to remind yourself why it didn’t work and determine if you’re willing to put up with those things again in order to make it work. - QuestionWhat is the best body language to show my attraction and feelings for someone?
Community AnswerEye-contact and a smile is the best way to show your interest in someone. Let the person catch you glancing at them, and then smile. - QuestionWhat do I do if I like someone but I'm not ready for a relationship?
Community AnswerTry being friends with that person for now. This way you can still have them in your life and you can get to know them better and see if a relationship might be a good fit when you're ready. Just take it one step at a time.
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Tips
- Become interested in their hobbies. Showing an interest in what they enjoy, even if secretly you couldn't care less about what they're saying, will make them see you as a confidant, a friend, and even a potential lover.Thanks
- Pay attention to what they say and write things down. Surprising them with something they mentioned wanting, off hand, a long time ago will really melt their heart and show how much you care.Thanks
- Getting someone successfully interested in you won't make you better as a person, and make sure to not treat them as just arm candy meant to raise your status.Thanks
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Warnings
- You can't force something as life-changing as love and it doesn't happen overnight. The best kind of love is unexpected, if it is meant to be it will happen naturally. If you try to force someone to love you, it will most likely have the opposite effect.Thanks
- Don't be clingy or pushy with someone who's rejected your feelings. Anyone that you have to try too hard to convince to like you is not worth all the trouble and will probably never like you. Pursuing a relationship too hard will only make you creepy and push people further away.Thanks
- This guide is not guaranteed to make someone fall in love with you. If you do all of the things discussed above and they still don’t love you, then they are probably incapable of loving you (or already in love with someone else) and the two of you were a poor match. Some people are simply incompatible, even if one person feels very strongly about the other. It may be hard to hear, but you are better off ending a relationship if the other person simply cannot return your feelings.Thanks
- Don’t buy into the idea that you can use a certain pheromone, chemical spray, or food to make someone fall in love with you. While there is scientific evidence that such things affect the parts of our brain which deal with those emotions, these chemicals will not force someone to fall in love with you. There is no foolproof “love potion” as it were.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/face-it/201205/maintaining-attraction-in-long-term-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-confident-be-confident/200909/seven-simple-strategies-effectively-attracting-others
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201203/what-do-men-really-want
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-confident-be-confident/200909/seven-simple-strategies-effectively-attracting-others
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4516809/
- ↑ https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/5-benefits-of-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/7-simple-ways-you-can-become-better-partner
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/trust-and-vulnerability-in-relationships
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/the-secrets-of-happy-couples
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/the-secrets-of-happy-couples
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/the-importance-of-showing-gratitude-to-your-partner
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/benefits-of-play-for-adults.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-watching-movies-can-benefit-our-mental-health
About This Article
Dating & Relationship Coach
This article was co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP. Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University. This article has been viewed 4,101,605 times.
Co-authors: 239
Updated: March 2, 2024
Views: 4,101,605
Categories: Featured Articles | Falling in Love
Article SummaryX
To encourage someone to fall for you, get to know them by asking about their passions and dreams, then spend time with them doing things they love. Gain their trust by opening up to them and showing that they can do the same. Take care of yourself by wearing well-fitting clothes and walking with confidence, and show that you’re a good person by being kind to everyone and following your passions. Remember to always respect their independence and show that you love them just as they are. To learn more from our Counselor co-author, such as how to ask someone out on a date and develop a personal bond, keep reading!
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