What Does It Mean When Someone Pats You on the Head?

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Determine whether a head pat is friendly, romantic, or taboo

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Meanings

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Interpreting Head Pats from Guys

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Responding to a Head Pat

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Are head pats culturally offensive?

Getting a head pat from a friend, family member, or romantic interest can definitely leave you wondering what it means. This simple gesture can fill you with someone’s love and care or make you feel patronized. If you're a girl getting a head pat from a guy, his touch can be romantic or platonic depending on his body language and your relationship, too. In this article, we’ll uncover what a pat on the head can mean, how to determine if it’s romantic or friendly from a guy, and how to respond to it. Read on to learn more!

Things You Should Know

A friend, family member, or romantic partner might give you a head pat to express their love and affection for you or to comfort you.
Some people might pat you on the head to indicate that they feel superior to you, so it can sometimes feel condescending or offensive.
A guy’s head pat might mean he likes you if he makes lots of eye contact, gets close to you, and angles his body towards yours.

Section 1 of 4:

Pat on the Head Meanings

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They love and care for you. A gentle pat on your head is a simple way for a friend, family member, or romantic partner to convey their affection for you. This is a sweet, intimate gesture that’s typically shared with people you’re close to. Their tender touch says they love having you in their life and fills you up with warmth in a similar way to receiving a hug.^{[1]XResearch source}
- A pat on the head can signal platonic or romantic love. Depending on their body language and your relationship, it can be a sign that you share a deep bond and are friends, or that they think you’re adorable and are attracted to you.
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They want to comfort you. If you’ve had a bad day, a friend, family member, or significant other might pat you on the head to console you and help you feel better. A pat on the head is a gentle, nurturing touch that says they’re for you and everything will be okay with them by your side.^{[2]XResearch source}
- People who aren’t big on hugs might prefer to give you a head pat to comfort you and cheer you up.
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Sometimes, getting a pat on the head is a friendly, light-hearted gesture that means someone likes joking and laughing with you. If you’re bantering with a close friend, partner, or family member, they might pat you on the head to tease you right back.^{[3]XResearch source}
A head pat can also be a flirty, playful gesture that means someone is interested in you. This might be their way of breaking the touch barrier, signaling to you that they want to deepen your romantic connection. Just look out for other signs that they’re interested, like making eye contact, leaning into you when you talk, and complimenting you.^{[4]XResearch source}
When someone really cares for you and wants to keep you safe, they might pat you on the head to express their feelings. If you’re feeling upset or you simply want to feel protected, this reassuring gesture communicates to you that your friend, partner, or family member is looking after you.
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They’re saying they’re proud of you. Adults commonly pat kids on their heads to show that they approve of something they did and they’re proud. Receiving a head pat from someone older or the same age as you can also indicate that they are impressed by you and appreciate your efforts. It is typically a sweet, familial touch that says, “Good job” or “Well done.”^{[5]XResearch source}
- For example, if you’re golfing with a friend who plays a lot, they might give you a pat on the head after you make a hole-in-one to show that they’re proud of you.
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They want to be friends. Getting a head pat from someone you’re becoming close to can be a sign that they really like you and want to strengthen your bond. When you’re hanging out, they might greet you with this intimate, friendly touch to indicate that you’ve made it into their inner circle and they see you as a part of their family.
- Let them know that you want to be great friends with them, too. Invite them to hang out with you, open up to them about things going on in your life, and be there to support them.
Sometimes, a head pat is just a way for a friend, family member, or partner to get you to notice them when you’re walking by or facing away from them. They might have something to share with you or talk to you about. Or, they might simply want to be with you and enjoy your company.
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They’re establishing dominance or patronizing you. Some head pats can feel demeaning and insulting, especially if they come from someone you don’t like or don’t know well. Getting a head pat can remind you of being a child and indicate that the person feels superior to you, too. It is a condescending touch that can be a way to put you down and say they know better than you.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Because people also commonly pat dogs’ and cats’ heads, receiving a head pat can also feel dehumanizing, as if you’re being treated like an animal.
- For instance, if you’re making dinner plans with family and offer up a new restaurant to try, an older family member might reject your suggestion and pat you on the head to remind you that they’re the one who makes decisions.

Section 2 of 4:

Interpreting What a Head Pat Means from a Guy

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Look for flirty body language to tell if his pat is romantic. If you’re wondering whether a guy friend or crush is interested in you, look at his nonverbal communication. Holding eye contact, smiling, mirroring your body movements, and getting physically closer to you are all signs that he might like you more than a friend.^{[7]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Examine the context of the head pat, too. If he gave you a head pat while you were alone in an intimate setting, it might be a sign that he likes you.
- But, if he wasn’t being nice to you or your conversation felt tense, his head pat might be condescending.
- If a guy is not romantically interested, he might keep his arms crossed around you, break eye contact quickly, or angle his body away from yours.
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Determine if you have a close, friendly relationship or a flirty one. If you have a strong bond and tight friendship with a guy, his head pats might signal his love, care, and appreciation for you. But if you have an electric connection with him and feel a romantic spark, getting a head pat from him can be a sign that he sees you as something more.^{[8]XResearch source}
- If you’re still not sure whether a guy’s head pat means he likes you or not, ask him how he feels about you. For instance, say something like, “I’ve been getting the feeling that you might like me. Do you have feelings for me?”
- A guy that has a crush on you might treat you differently than other people, go out of his way to do things for you, and always want to spend time with you.

Section 3 of 4:

Responding to a Head Pat

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Show your appreciation for the head pat if you like it. Express your gratitude for receiving a head pat whenever a friend, partner, or family member gives you one. You might tell them that it makes you feel loved, supported, and secure, or simply let them know that it feels good!
- Or, communicate your appreciation without words by giving them a hug or a head pat back.
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Tell them if the head pat makes you uncomfortable to curb the behavior. Whether you don’t like being touched, don’t know the person who patted you well, or feel like the pat was condescending, let the person know how you feel if you disliked the head pat. Then, set boundaries about the amount and types of physical contact you are comfortable with and what you’d like the person to do instead in the future.^{[9]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- For instance, say, “It makes me feel uncomfortable when you pat me on the head. I’m not a child and it feels like you’re patronizing me. Will you please stop?”
- Or, tell them something like, “It’s sweet that you want to support me with a head pat, but it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. Can you give me a high-five or hug instead?”

Section 4 of 4:

Are head pats offensive in different cultures?

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In countries like Thailand and Vietnam, your head is believed to contain your soul. It is regarded as a very sacred part of your body, so touching someone’s head is an invasive and offensive gesture. Some people even believe that touching someone’s head can harm their soul or health.^{[10]XResearch source}