Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Leslie Bosch, PhD. Dr. Leslie Bosch is a Developmental Psychologist, National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and Owner of Bosch Integrative Wellness. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in providing stress relief coaching services to individuals and groups using a variety of scientifically proven methods for change including motivational interviewing, positive psychology, self-compassion, non-violent communication, social learning theory, and self-determination theory. Dr. Bosch received training from the Andrew Weil Center for Integrative Medicine at the University of Arizona and earned a PhD in Human Development and Family Studies from The University of Arizona. She is also a member of the National Board of Health and Wellness Coaching Association. Dr. Bosch has published many papers and been featured in the media numerous times.
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Your nose may not be average, which might cause you think consider your nose as a hindrance to your social success and happiness.[1] It's natural to focus on yourself, but these thoughts don’t reflect what people find most important and valuable about you. Moreover, you can feel attractive and happy with a non-average nose. Read on to learn ways to come to terms with your nose and to embrace its beauty.
Steps
Identify why you are concerned about your nose. People tend to be influenced by their surroundings and the opinions of others. Maybe someone made an unkind remark about your nose to you one day, or you suddenly noticed an imperfection on your nose that bothers you. Or, you are focusing on the noses of others, like those of your friends or a famous model.- Write down your thoughts about your nose. Ask yourself what it is you dislike about your nose. Is it too long, too big, too small, too square, too round? This will help you identify what judgments you’re making about yourself.[2]
Figure out who or what influences your thinking. Unfortunately, people can say unkind things to you, even people close to you like friends or family. One of the first steps to combatting negative body image is recognizing who is saying unkind words to you. Because these are likely people you trust, you are probably taking their words to heart.- Consider the extent to which you may be influenced by society’s expectations and ideas about the perfect nose. You also may be hyper-aware of noses in magazines, online, and on TV.
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Think about social situations where you feel comfortable with your nose. This might be when you're around your parents or your close friends. Or when you doing an activity or sport that you love, as you are not focusing on your nose at all.- You might feel comfortable around certain people because you know they accept and love you, including your nose. They see all of your beautiful aspects. Keep this in mind as you go out into the world. There are people who accept you for who you are and what you look like.
Recognize when you are having extreme thoughts about your appearance. Often, negative thoughts come from imagining the most extreme or worst case scenario. Focusing just on your nose and making it the centerpiece of your life is an extreme behavior. There are so many other aspects of you that make you the way you are.- For example, extreme thinking would be if you feel like you need to layer on a lot of makeup to downplay your nose before going out in public. In reality, people will likely not notice your nose at all.
Recognize that noses change over a lifetime. A person’s nose will change shape over time. The support within the nose will weaken as a person ages, and the nose will start to slump. It may look a little longer or larger as a person gets older.- No matter how you think your nose looks now, it will continue to change, just as the rest of your body will change.
Try a cognitive belief exercise. This exercise helps remind us what we cognitively think is most important about a person. When we are asked what we like most about ourselves, we often name personality features over physical features. This reminds us that personality and capability are more important than physicality.[3] We are also reminded that we have the power to define our self-worth by our own terms, not by those imposed on us by our culture.- Make a list of your three favorite physical features. You can train yourself to think more positively about your body overall. This might help you accept your nose and see it as beautiful too. List three of your favorite features. For example, you might say, “I like my eyes, I have long eyelashes, and I have nice toes.”
- List your favorite parts of your personality. You might say, “I am a hard worker, I’m a good friend, and I have a good sense of humor.”
- Put your two lists together and rank them in order of importance. Write one sentence about each list item.
- Most people who do this exercise tend to rank personality traits higher than physical traits.
Increase your beauty self-esteem. Write down a few of your favorite physical features again. If you have trouble coming up with examples, think of the ones that bother you the least.[4]- Write a positive sentence about each of these features. For example, you might say, “I like my blue eyes because they sparkle in the light.”
- Use this information you’ve culled from within to make subtle changes in the way you carry yourself. If you think your eyes are a good physical feature, try wearing clothes that bring out your eye color. Wear makeup that accentuates your eyes.
Quiet your inner critic. Once you identify the sources of your negative thoughts, you can work on changing your thoughts and perceptions of your body. You may find yourself making negative comments to yourself. When you do, take note of these comments. Ask yourself the following questions:[5]- Is it a kind comment?
- Would I say it to a friend?
- Does it make me feel good?
Replace negative thinking with positive thinking. After you’ve become aware of when you criticize yourself, stop yourself. Replace the thought with something positive.- For example, you might think, “My nose looks like it takes up my entire face.” Stop yourself and think positively: “My nose is unique. Any other nose on my face would look strange. I am a beautiful person.”
Understand that beauty is constructed by culture. Different cultures value different styles and aesthetics of beauty. While one culture may appreciate small, upturned noses, another culture may appreciate larger, wider noses instead. Beauty is a value constructed by individual cultures.- For example, some cultures have historically valued nose rings and other decorations,[6] which accentuates the nose.
Ignore those who tease you. Many people become self-conscious about their noses only when someone teases them about it. The best strategy is to ignore the teasing, as the teaser is just trying to get a rise out of you. Follow these steps to ignore teasing:[7]- Play it cool: Don’t show any reaction to the teasing. Keep your facial expression neutral and don’t let your body show aggression.
- Zip your lip: Don’t respond with any verbal response, especially an aggressive response.
- Walk away: Leave the situation. This might be either physically leaving, by walking out the door, or mentally leaving, by turning away and engaging in another activity.
Redirect attention onto others. Worrying about how your nose looks takes up valuable brain power. People will like you regardless of your nose if you listen to them.[10]- One way to ensure that someone’s attention is not on your nose is to turn the conversation onto him or her. Everybody is proud of something, such as his occupation, family, church or beliefs. If you are worried that this person will notice your nose, listen closely to discover what someone is proud of.[11]. Once you have identified a point of pride, compliment the person about that. If possible, extend it into a related friendly joke.[12]
- Focusing on other people can be challenging. Practicing this will take your focus away from your nose in social situations, make you feel more positive, and be more likeable to others.
Find role models with unique noses. Your nose does not make or break your success in life, but it can still be helpful to find examples of successful people with unique noses. These can be your role models as you build your confidence. Some famous people with large or unique noses include: Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler, Andy Samberg, Sofia Coppola, Oprah Winfrey, and many others.
Confide in a trusted friend. Talk with your best friend about how you feel about your nose. Oftentimes, when you express an anxiety out loud to someone else, you find out that you’re the only one who has noticed it.
Talk to a relative. Chances are, someone in your family has a nose that looks like yours. Talk with this person about your concerns. Ask if he has experienced a drop in self-confidence because of his nose. Ask how he has dealt with it.
Join a body image support group. Check your local area for a support group that brings together people who feel uncomfortable about their physical appearance.
Talk to a mental health professional. If you still have trouble accepting your appearance, you may find it useful to talk with a mental health therapist. This person can help you work through your emotions about your nose. He can also help you come up with strategies for coming to terms with your nose.- Ask about body dysmorphic disorder. People who suffer from body dysmorphic disorder think that a feature of their body, such as their nose, is so undesirable that their lives become restricted. This one feature takes over their entire lives.[11]
Expert Q&A
Video
Tips
Warnings
- Keep in mind that plastic surgery, such as a nose job, will be a very temporary solution to the problem. While you may experience an initial feeling of relief, you may still feel negatively towards your nose after the surgery. You may also transfer your negative feelings to another part of your body. It is better to learn how to accept your nose so that you can be happy with the way you are without resorting to elective surgery.Thanks
References
- ↑ Chakraborty, Rituparna; De, Sonali. “Body image and its relation with the concept of physical self among adolescents and young adults.” Psychological Studies. Vol.59(4), Dec 2014, pp. 419-426.
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/i-hate-my-nose
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/face-it/201202/3-ways-raise-your-beauty-self-esteem
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/face-it/201202/3-ways-raise-your-beauty-self-esteem
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/06/negative-self-talk-think-positive_n_3009832.html
- ↑ http://www.desiblitz.com/content/the-nose-ring-past-to-present
- ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2277292/
- ↑ Lavanya, T; Margret, F. Maria. “The relationship between perceived body shape and self esteem among adults.” Indian Journal of Community Psychology. Vol.9(2), Sep 2013, pp. 338-349.
- ↑ Berner, Michelle L; Fee, Virginia E; Turner, Andrea D.“A multi-component social skills training program for pre-adolescent girls with few friends.” Child & Family Behavior Therapy. Vol.23(2), 2001, pp. 1-18.
- ↑ Kuiper, Nicholas A; Grimshaw, Melissa; Leite, Catherine; Kirsh, Gillian. “Humor is not always the best medicine: Specific components of sense of humor and psychological well-being. Humor: International Journal of Humor Research. Vol.17(1-2), 2004, pp. 135-168.
- ↑ http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd
About This Article
Medical Disclaimer
The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.
If you're struggling to accept your nose, try to remember that beauty standards are a social construct, and there's really no such thing as a good nose or a bad nose. Just because your nose isn't like someone else's doesn't mean it's bad, it just means it's unique! Try writing down 3 things you like about your appearance, whether it's your eyes, hair, or something else, and practice focusing on those parts of yourself instead of your nose. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts about your nose, replace them with positive thoughts instead, like, "My nose is unique and I am a beautiful person." You can also find inspiration in famous people who have unique noses, and you can use them as role models while you build up your confidence. For advice from our expert co-author, like how to deal with negative people who tease you about your nose, keep reading!
Reader Success Stories
"I loved the instructions on what to do when someone teases you about your nose. I've always thought my nose was perfectly fine, but a few comments by mean people have caused me to be really insecure. Now I know what to do if it happens again. Walk away."..." more
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