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This article was co-authored by Kirsten Parker, MFA. Kirsten Parker is a Mindset and Action Coach based in her hometown of Los Angeles, California. She helps high achievers overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in increasing one's confidence and clarity by incorporating tools from positive psychology, mindful habit change, and self-regulation into her coaching. She is a Certified HeartMath Practitioner trained in Stress, Anxiety, and Intelligent Energy Management along with Emotional Intelligence and the Science of Self-Acceptance. She also holds an MFA from Yale University School of Drama in Stage Management.
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Personalities are our characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and having a great personality isn't about trying to be like other people.[1] It's about finding what is great about you and making that clearer to everyone else. There are always ways that you can improve yourself but the biggest thing is just feeling comfortable in your own skin. When you see someone that you think has a good personality it's probably because they are genuine and happy, not because they practiced having a good personality. Be real!
Things You Should Know
Someone with a great personality is compassionate, lighthearted, calm, and optimistic. To improve your personality, life coach Karuna Jain, MS says to “begin with individual transformation…If you can be more compassionate toward yourself, then you know how to be compassionate toward somebody else.”
Steps
Be honest with yourself, always. Awkward situations are always uncomfortable. Don’t try to be someone that you aren’t. If you meet some new people don't worry about not having anything in common with them, just make light conversation, be friendly, and ask questions.- For example, say you're at a party that you came to because you wanted to make friends. Say you're talking to someone you really don't enjoy talking to. Just be polite and end the conversation! You don't have to be fake.
Be Happy. Try to always look on the bright side, be positive and smile. No one can resist a happy person. This doesn't mean be fake or feel you have to hide your feelings. If something's really bothering you, never feel you have to fake a smile. Just make sure you try to see the best in things and show people that you're a happy person. [2]- Avoid comparing yourself to other people. Comparison can be linked to depression and will only bring you down.[3]
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Avoid trying to be popular. If it looks like everything you do is with the goal of getting other people to like you...well, you're not going to try to come off very well. The most important thing is developing a dependable group of friends who you care about and who care about you. Don't rush into having lots of friends just for the sake of numbers. Choose the people that you really enjoy hanging out with. If that ends up being a lot of people, great! If it's only three people, that's fine too.
Develop your interests. One essential part of having a good personality is having interesting things to talk about. That doesn’t mean you need to study astrophysics – you just need to have interests. If you are excited about something you probably will be able to tell other people about it in an interesting way. It really doesn’t matter what you like to do! Try to read something every day. [4] Watch movies. Look for new hobbies. Just try to experience what the world has to offer!
Have an opinion. This is similar to developing your interests. When you talk to people you want to have things that matter to you that you can talk about. Develop an opinion on politics or sports or animals or parenting or anything like that you are interested in. Don’t worry about agreeing with the other person as long as you can converse civilly. People will appreciate the personality of someone who is able to express their opinions about things. [5]- Having an opinion will help you talk to people and make your conversations more interesting. If you meet someone and they say something you don't agree with, don't be afraid to respectfully state your opinion. They probably will think you are more interesting than if you just agree over and over again.
- Write down specific traits you admire in others that you want to add to your personality.
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Ask questions and take interest in others. [6] This is an incredibly easy and rewarding habit to add to your personality. People love to talk about themselves and if you are a curious and insightful person you should always be able to find something interesting about the person. Imagine a metal detector on a beach. Keep asking questions until you get closer and closer to the topic that they like talking about the most. For many people, it’s their work, or their family, or their children. Find out what makes them tick and you’ll end up having an interesting and valuable discussion.- For example, if you meet someone try to find out what makes them interesting. It doesn't have to be a constant stream of questions but balance talking about your own experiences with what they say. Maybe you really like mountain biking and you notice they have a mountain bike. Don't start talking about how good you are at mountain biking - ask them a lot about what they enjoy.
Show your confidence. You don’t have to be someone you aren’t, but confidence can take many forms. Being confident doesn’t mean you have to suddenly be extremely extroverted and talkative. Reassure yourself every day that you are amazing. Just be confident in the personality that you have and other people will be drawn to you. There’s no use faking it. People are attracted to those that are real.- Practice vulnerability by showing your fears and desires without the fear of rejection. This can help you make better social connections.[7]
Remain humorous and lighthearted. People will thank you for bringing some fun into their world. Don’t make jokes at other people’s expense. Just keep a generally positive outlook on the world. When you encounter a problem try to laugh at it with other people rather than mope and complain. Everyone will appreciate this part of your personality and you will probably be happier for it too.
Try to be nice. This is the most important step. No matter who you are, if you are nice, the only reason a person can dislike you is if they are jealous of you. Never be rude to people. If someone is being unkind to you, try to imagine what might be causing them to act this way. Maybe they are going through a really difficult situation in their life and in reality, they are a wonderful person. Try to assume the best in people. You don’t have to be naïve and it’s okay to remain skeptical, but that doesn’t mean you ever have an excuse to treat anyone poorly. [8]
Remain cool, calm and collected. You always have to remember to keep your cool. This will earn you an enormous amount of respects, especially if you keep calm in situations where everyone else panics. Just try to take things as they come and don’t get too high or too low. This is something that you can do consciously and people will really respect your ability to keep everything together.- For example, try to find a way to make people feel comfortable and less tense if something bad happens. If your teacher moves your paper forward a week don't moan and complain - make a joke!
Remain open to new relationships. Don’t pass judgment on anyone too quickly or assume you already have all the friends you need. Even if someone seems like they would be the type of person you normally really dislike, give them an opportunity. That’s what you would want, right? It’s the golden rule – treat other people the way you would like to be treated. You don’t need to try to make friends with people who are more popular than you or people you think can help you get ahead. Just deal with the people you meet on a case-by-case basis and surround yourself with the people you really enjoy. Always remain open to new friends and new relationships.
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- QuestionHow can I be more unique?
Kirsten Parker, MFAKirsten Parker is a Mindset and Action Coach based in her hometown of Los Angeles, California. She helps high achievers overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in increasing one's confidence and clarity by incorporating tools from positive psychology, mindful habit change, and self-regulation into her coaching. She is a Certified HeartMath Practitioner trained in Stress, Anxiety, and Intelligent Energy Management along with Emotional Intelligence and the Science of Self-Acceptance. She also holds an MFA from Yale University School of Drama in Stage Management.
Mindset & Action CoachI would challenge the premise that anything needs changing. Who says you need to change? What's the reason that you are believing that you're not unique enough and you need to be more unique? Because my guess is that your authentic self isn't the one judging how unique you are. What are the reasons that you have to be more unique? And do you like those reasons? Are your reasons for wanting to be more unique so you'll be more impressive or you'll be more accepted or your parents will finally approve of you or you'll get societal accolades? Do you like those reasons for investing your very limited resources in this kind of change? If you were on a desert island and nobody else's opinion had anything to do with you and they couldn't reach you, what would you want then? Would you be unique enough? What would you want to change if no one could ever see you again or talk to you? It can be really helpful to question where this thinking is coming from. - QuestionHow can I become a successful person?
Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorFirst, define an area of success that you would like to aim for. Second, find the beliefs that people who are already successful in that area have in common and focus on adopting those same beliefs.
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Tips
- Don't try to be somebody you're not.Thanks
- Never get too caught up in yourself. Don’t show off or try to get other people to notice you in a negative way.Thanks
- Find things that you are interested in. This is a huge part of having a good personality. Find your passions!Thanks
Tips from our Readers 
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of How.com.vn readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on How.com.vn, please submit it in the field below.
- Being yourself is important — trying to copy others usually comes across as fake. Just focus on developing your own interests and opinions.
- Stay positive when you can. People are drawn to those with a sunny outlook. However, don't get in the habit of hiding your true feelings.
- Having varied interests gives you lots to talk about. Read, watch movies, take up new hobbies — it all makes you more well-rounded.
- Treating everyone with kindness shows good character. You never know someone's full story, so give them the benefit of the doubt.
- Ask people questions about themselves. Letting them share makes most people feel good. Just balance talking about yourself too.
- Finding a few close friends you genuinely connect with is better than trying to impress big groups. Quality over quantity.
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References
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/
- ↑ https://dailypersonalitydevelopment.com/11-ways-to-develop-an-awesome-personality/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3404130
- ↑ https://dailypersonalitydevelopment.com/11-ways-to-develop-an-awesome-personality/
- ↑ https://www.thechangeblog.com/develop-a-magnetic-personality/
- ↑ https://dailypersonalitydevelopment.com/11-ways-to-develop-an-awesome-personality/
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-being-vulnerable-can-expand-your-world/
- ↑ https://www.thechangeblog.com/develop-a-magnetic-personality
About This Article
Mindset & Action Coach
This article was co-authored by Kirsten Parker, MFA. Kirsten Parker is a Mindset and Action Coach based in her hometown of Los Angeles, California. She helps high achievers overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in increasing one's confidence and clarity by incorporating tools from positive psychology, mindful habit change, and self-regulation into her coaching. She is a Certified HeartMath Practitioner trained in Stress, Anxiety, and Intelligent Energy Management along with Emotional Intelligence and the Science of Self-Acceptance. She also holds an MFA from Yale University School of Drama in Stage Management. This article has been viewed 1,089,678 times.
Co-authors: 58
Updated: April 28, 2024
Views: 1,089,678
Categories: Featured Articles | Social Interactions
Article SummaryX
To have a great personality, start by trying to look on the bright side of things since a positive outlook will make you and others happier. Even during hard times, if you can remain cool, calm, and collected, you’ll earn people’s respect. Another easy and rewarding habit is learning to ask questions and take interest in other people. Additionally, remain open to new relationships by not judging others too quickly. Instead, get to know people before deciding if you want to be friends with them. To learn how to be nice to yourself and others, keep reading!
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