How to Get Revenge on an Ex Boyfriend

Breakups are painful, especially if your ex really hurt you. When you’re going through a painful breakup, it’s normal to want revenge on your ex. While revenge sounds fun in theory, it often makes you feel worse about the situation. If you really need to get back at him, there are a few easy strategies that won’t get you in trouble. However, the best revenge is showing him that you don’t need him. Additionally, you might feel better if you deal with your urge to get revenge, which shows you're in pain.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Getting Back at Him

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1
Send a text to another guy to him by “accident.” Make him think that you’ve already moved on to another guy by sending him a carefully worded flirty text. Immediately after you send it, text him again to say it was an accident. This will make him think that you don’t care about him anymore and quickly found someone new.^{[1]XResearch source}
- You might text him, “Thanks for taking me out last night. Can’t wait to see you again.” Then, send, “Oops, wrong number. Deleting your contact now.”
2
Post an embarrassing photo of him online or in public. While you should never post private photos of an ex, you can get away with posting unflattering photos. Share the photo on your social media page or have a friend post it. As another option, print out the photo or turn it into a poster, then hang it up around your ex’s neighborhood or at their favorite hangouts.^{[2]XResearch source}
- For instance, you might use a photo of your ex doing something stupid or one of them on a bad hair day.
- Don’t post a photo of your ex in the nude or partially dressed for any reason.
Warning: Keep in mind that this can turn into bullying if you continue to post their photos. If you decide to do this, only post the photo once.
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3
Hide something of his while collecting your things from his home. Tell your ex that you need to come over to retrieve something you left there when you were dating. While you’re there, hide an item that you know he loves, like his TV remote, his favorite video game, or pieces from a Lego set that he owns. This will drive him crazy until he finds the hidden item.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Don’t take anything of his because that’s stealing.
- When you hide the item, make sure that it won’t get damaged. For instance, it’s okay to tuck the remote between the couch cushions. However, it’s not okay to put it in the back of the toilet where it will get waterlogged.
- Put the item somewhere he’ll find it eventually. As an example, you might put his bottle opener in the wrong kitchen drawer but not in his air conditioning vent.
4
Send his new partner an anonymous message about what he did. If he’s already seeing someone, it’s probably very painful for you, especially if he cheated with this person. Try not to take things out on the new partner because they may not have known about you. However, it’s okay to let them know that your ex may be bad news. Send them a message via email, social media, or text that explains what happened in your relationship.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Create a fake profile on social media or use a dummy email address. If you want to send a text, try an app that lets you send a text from a fake number.
- You could say, “I heard that you’re dating Liam. I thought you should know that he was already in a relationship when he started seeing you. He cheated on his ex, and he lied to her constantly. I’d be cautious with him if I were you.”
5
Let him experience the natural consequences of his actions. This is a great way to get back at him because you don’t have to do anything. After he hurt you, it may have felt like he got away with treating you wrong. However, his actions will eventually catch up to him. Just sit back and watch him deal with the aftermath of his bad behavior.^{[5]XResearch source}
- For instance, right now he might seem on top of the world with the person he left you for. However, people will recognize that he’s a cheater, and that’ll hurt his reputation. Additionally, this new relationship started off in a bad place, so he and his new partner might develop trust issues. Think about those consequences whenever you feel upset about what happened.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Showing Him You Don’t Need Him

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1
Go out with your friends and have some fun. After a breakup, it’s normal to want to curl up and cry. While it’s totally okay to do that, you should also go out and have a great time.^{[6]XExpert SourceJulia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical PsychologistExpert Interview. 15 July 2021.} Invite your friends to do a fun activity and live it up. Then, post photos of yourself having fun so everyone knows you’re living your best life.
- For example, go rollerskating, go bowling, play mini-golf, audition for community theater, host a game night, get drinks, or sing karaoke.
2
Flirt with other guys whenever he’s around. While you might not be ready for a new relationship, there’s no harm in flirting. Plus, people tend to want what they can’t have, so seeing you with another guy may make your ex jealous. Casually compliment other guys and lightly touch them on the arm or shoulder. When your ex is looking, lean in close to the other guy so the situation looks more intimate.
- You might say things like, “You’re so funny!” or “This shirt really shows off your pecs.”
Tip: Post photos of yourself with other guys on your social media account if you think he still checks it. Even if the guys are just friends, he may get jealous and realize that you don’t need him.
3
Celebrate all the things that are going well in your life. Dealing with a breakup can make you feel really down, so it might be hard to think positively right now. To help you focus on the bright side, make a list of everything you’re grateful for in your life right now. Then, share your gratitude with others by telling your friends and posting about it online.^{[7]XResearch source}
- You might post online, “I’m so happy that I’m getting the chance to post my artwork at Good Beans Coffeehouse!” or “Feeling so grateful for my bestie, my pup, and a job I adore.”
4
Spend some time on your appearance so you feel your best. Put on your favorite outfit, style your hair, and put on makeup if you wear it. Consider pampering yourself with a manicure or new haircut. Then, snap some photos of yourself looking fabulous and post them online for everyone to see. Additionally, you might ask your friends to go with you as you pass by somewhere you know your ex will be.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Don’t worry about changing yourself or trying to improve your looks. You’re already amazing!
5
Try something new so you’re growing as a person. While you’re going through a breakup, it can be hard to spend time alone when you’re used to being a couple. Seize this free time and use it to do something you’ve always wanted to try! Make a list of activities, hobbies, or interests you could try out. Then, start checking off items.^{[9]XResearch source}
- For example, try a new restaurant, start painting, learn to play the guitar, or join a recreational sports team.
6
Avoid talking about him so he’ll think you’re over him. Since this guy hurt you, you probably want to tell everyone what a jerk he is. However, this just shows him that you still care. Instead, don’t mention his name at all. That way everyone will think you’re over him.
- If you still need to vent about what happened, talk to a trusted friend or relative.^{[10]XExpert SourceJulia Yacoob, PhD
  Clinical PsychologistExpert Interview. 15 July 2021.} However, don’t tell everyone you know how you feel.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Dealing with an Urge to Get Revenge

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1
Give yourself permission to feel your emotions. You’re probably in pain right now, and that’s okay. It’s also understandable that you’d want to get revenge. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel whatever emotions come up, then let them pass.^{[11]XResearch source}
- You might tell yourself, “I’m feeling really angry at Seth for breaking up with me so close to Valentine’s Day. I thought he really cared about me. I want him to hurt as much as I do.”
Tip: You might feel a little guilty for wanting revenge, but there’s no reason to feel that way. It’s totally normal to fantasize about getting revenge.
2
Visualize yourself getting your revenge and the aftermath of it. Usually, thinking about revenge is much more satisfying than actually carrying it out. Picture yourself doing mean things to your ex, like spray painting a mean message on his lawn or burning his favorite shirts. Enjoy the satisfaction of watching him suffer. Then, imagine what might happen if you really did that.^{[12]XResearch source}
- For example, let’s say your ex cheated on you. You might picture yourself going to his house and spray painting “cheater” on his car. Then, imagine him having to drive around in the car and feeling embarrassed. Next, think about the fallout of actually carrying out this action. For instance, his mom might get really upset and you might get arrested or owe money for damaging his car.
3
Engage in a calming activity to help you relax and think clearly. You probably feel really upset right now, and you have every right to feel that way. Try not to make any decisions while you’re feeling really emotional. Instead, do something that helps you feel relaxed and in control.^{[13]XResearch source}
- For example, go to a yoga class, color in an adult coloring book, go for a nature walk, go window shopping with a friend, or play with your dog.
4
Try talking to your ex about your feelings if it might help. While you might not want to ever see him again, sometimes expressing your pain to your ex can help you feel better. If you think it could help, ask your ex to talk either in person or on the phone. Then, use “I” statements to tell him how his actions affected you.^{[14]XResearch source}
- “I” statements keep the focus on you without blaming the other person. For example, you’d say, “I feel like you don't respect me,” not “You don’t respect me.”
- You might say, “I feel like you broke my trust, and that really hurts.”
Variation: If you’re not up for a full conversation, send him a text or email explaining how you feel.
5
Feel sorry for your ex for being such a lousy boyfriend. Right now, you probably hate your ex, which is understandable. However, viewing him as a person who deserves your pity might help you feel better about what happened.^{[15]XExpert SourceJulia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical PsychologistExpert Interview. 15 July 2021.} Try to see him as a damaged or weak person who couldn’t handle your relationship. Then, think about how sad that is.^{[16]XResearch source}
- You might say to yourself, “It’s sad that he’s not mature enough to break up with someone before he moves on to someone else,” or “He must be really lonely if he thinks he needs two girlfriends. I feel sorry for him.”

Expert Q&A

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Question
How can you get over your ex?
Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.
Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Answer
Own the responsibility for something you may have done to bring about the break-up. If possible, try to improve yourself. Have compassion for your ex. Maybe your ex is also suffering because of the break-up.
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Question
How can I be more loving to myself?
Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.
Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Answer
It takes time and effort to become loving to yourself. Stop being critical of yourself. Accept your humaneness and your limitations. Be patient and gentle and create a new positive relationship with yourself.
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Is it good to get revenge on an ex?
Drew Hawkins1
Community Answer
While it may seem like a great idea or like it will be satisfying to get revenge on an ex, the truth is, it will make it more difficult for you to move on, and in the end, it doesn't really accomplish anything. If you really want to get back at your ex, try doing it by moving on and being happy without them. Go out with your friends and have lots of fun so they see that you don't miss them. Spend some time on your appearance by going to the gym and eating healthy so you look even better than they remember. The best revenge is to make them regret ever losing you.
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Tips

Remember the old saying, “The best revenge is a life well-lived.”
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Warnings

Don’t share any nude or sexually suggestive photos of your ex to get revenge. Not only is this totally inappropriate and, more importantly, disrespectful and wrong, it may also be illegal.
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Physically lashing out illegally or responding in kind illegally to your ex, or doing something illegal may feel good in the moment, but it may end up getting you in trouble as well.
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Getting your revenge may make you feel worse. It may be best to focus on making yourself happy rather than on making him suffer.
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