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Emotions are complicated, as are the words and phrases we use to express them. The meaning of “I have feelings for you,” for instance, has long been debated: does it express lust or love? Can it be used platonically or only in romance? Well, the truth is that there are several different contexts in which someone might say they have feelings for you (although most of them have something to do with romance). Read below for an explanation of every meaning of this fickle phrase, as well as similar English phrases and idioms with the word “feel.”
What Does “I Have Feelings For You” Mean?
When someone says, “I have feelings for you,” they’re most likely expressing a feeling of romantic or sexual attraction. This phrase is similar to saying, “I like you romantically” or “I have a crush on you.”
Steps
Why Someone Might Say “I Have Feelings For You”
- You’re interested in having a romantic relationship. The most common meaning of the phrase “I have feelings for you” is to express your romantic interest in someone. Phrased another way, you could say, “I like you and would like to date” or “I’m interested in being more than friends.”[1]
- Sometimes, you may say this to someone with whom you’ve previously had a “friends with benefits” relationship.
- While your relationship may have solely revolved around sex previously, you may have grown a romantic attachment to them that you want to explore through dating.
- Your friendship has blossomed into love. You may have had a platonic friendship with someone and have now realized that your feelings are stronger. The words “I have feelings for you” indicate a growing emotional attachment to someone that may include sexual or romantic feelings versus your previous friendly feelings.[2]Advertisement
- You have strong platonic feelings for someone. Sometimes, friendships and other platonic relationships may feel so tender and fulfilling, even in the absence of romantic love. You wouldn’t tell this person that you’re in love with them or turned on by them.[3]
- However, you may use the phrase “I have feelings for you” to express your deep liking and connection to this person.
- Be wary of this usage of the phrase, as most people will interpret “I have feelings for you” as a romantic confession.
- You have to get your feelings off your chest. You may be completely convinced that your feelings won’t be returned, but you feel like you have to confess them anyway. Having an intense level of romantic feelings for someone and keeping them secret can feel like an emotional weight.[4]
- So, you may decide to tell the object of your desires that you have feelings for them, even if you know that the relationship is a nonstarter.
- For example, maybe this person is happily married to your best friend, lives in another country, or isn’t in the same age group as you.
- You may be hoping that expressing your feelings will help you get closure, and hopefully, it will!
- You’re not ready to say “I love you.” Sometimes, “I have feelings for you” is used as a stepping stone to “I love you.” You may use this phrase when you’re first feeling the sensation of falling in love with someone but you’re not ready to say “I love you” yet.[5]
- Or, you may know that you are in love with someone but are scared that they won’t say it back.
- Often, male-identifying individuals are socialized to be more guarded with their emotions.
- They may be more likely to express their love for someone at the start of a relationship with “I have feelings for you” rather than “I love you.”
- You’re trying to let someone down gently. Perhaps someone has expressed their romantic feelings for you, either by telling you they have feelings for you or expressing a direct “I love you.” But…you don’t feel the same way.
- You may try to ease this person’s sense of rejection by saying, “I have feelings for you, too,” or “I care for you, too,” followed by a “but” and an explanation of why you can’t return their affection at this time.
- Alternatively, you may use this phrase to kindly break up with your committed partner (well, as kindly as possible).
- If you’re ending a relationship with someone you still love, you may say something like, “I still have feelings for you, but I feel like our communication has broken down and we can’t fix it.”
- Or, “I still have feelings for you, but it’s a dealbreaker for me that you don’t want to have children. I respect your decision, but having a family is really important to me.”
- You’re trying to scare someone off. If someone is interested in you on a physical level but you know they don’t want more, you might tell them that you have feelings for them. If this person has commitment issues or an avoidant attachment style, this faux admittance may make them run in the opposite direction.[6]
- Whenever possible, it’s always better to directly communicate with someone that you’re romantically or sexually involved with.
- Rather than trying to scare them off, express that you feel ready for a more committed relationship or that your feelings for them have lessened and you want to break things off.
- You’re trying to manipulate the other person. Sometimes, the phrase “I have feelings for you” can be used in a manipulative way, whether intentional or not. For example, maybe you’re in a situationship with someone and aren’t ready to commit, but you also don’t want to lose this person. You may tell that person you have feelings for them, even if you don’t.[7]
- While relationships and emotions are a complicated thing, avoid knowingly manipulating someone or leading them on when you know you don’t have deeper feelings for them.
- Other people may use the phrase “I have feelings for you” as a way to get someone to have sex with them.
- Whether purposeful or not, the line between love and lust can get blurred. Someone may claim to have feelings for a person when they’re really just trying to flatter that person into a sexual relationship.
Expert Q&A
Tips
- While “I like you” may express a similar sentiment as “I have feelings for you,” it’s less of a strong statement. Having feelings for someone implies more serious and intense feelings, while “liking” someone could simply mean enjoying the person’s company.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/what-does-it-mean-to-have-feelings-for-someone/
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/falling-in-love-with-friend#mbg-3ueQEulkhy
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/platonic-relationship#platonic-meaning
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/unrequited-love-meaning
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/when-to-say-i-love-you
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/man-with-commitment-issues/#11_signs_of_commitment_phobia_in_men
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-we-choose-situationships-when-its-not-what-we-say-we-want/
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/what-to-say-when-someone-says-they-like-you/
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/what-to-say-when-someone-says-they-like-you/
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/healthy-conflict-how-to-let-someone-down-without-ghosting-them/
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/what-to-say-when-someone-says-they-like-you/
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/healthy-conflict-how-to-let-someone-down-without-ghosting-them/
- ↑ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/feel--for
- ↑ https://www.oysterenglish.com/idiom-a-feel-for-something.html
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