How to Deal With Asking out and Being Rejected by a Girl

Getting rejected is a normal part of dating that everyone experiences at some point. Though you may feel incredibly hurt or embarrassed after it happens, there are a number of things you can do to work through your rejection and get back into the dating game.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Asking Your Crush Out Without Expectations

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When asking a girl out, remember that she has the right to say “no” for any reason at all, just like you have the right to say “no” when somebody asks you out. Remind yourself to stay calm if she says no.
2
Remind yourself that rejection happens to everyone. Rejection is an unavoidable part of the dating game. It’s something that everybody deals with and, if you want to go out with someone, you’ll have to face the possibility that they might say no. Before asking a girl out, remind yourself that:^{[1]XResearch source}
- Rejection is a normal part of life.
- Everybody gets rejected from time to time.
- Getting rejected is not a personal failure.
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3
Ask her out as clearly as you can. When you’re ready, approach your crush with confidence and ask her to go on a date with you. Make sure she knows that you're asking her out for romantic reasons and not as a friend. There’s no need for cheesy pickup lines or creative proposals, just be as honest and genuine as possible about how you feel.^{[2]XResearch source}
- If possible, ask your crush out on a specific date. For example, ask “Do you want to go to a movie?” instead of “Do you want to hang out?”
- Even if you’re scared, try not to procrastinate. Doing so will make you more nervous about the possibility of rejection.
4
Accept your crush’s answer. If your crush says “no,” don't ask her to reconsider by saying things like "Are you sure?" Instead, accept the decision she made. By doing so, you’ll maintain her respect and earn some closure for yourself.^{[3]XResearch source}
- If she says no, say something like, "Ok, thanks for telling me" or "Cool, I hope we can still be friends."
- If your crush is mean to you or tries to embarrass you after you ask her out, it’s a sign of her own personal insecurities. End the conversation politely and get out of there.

Part 2

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Coping with Rejection

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In most cases, romantic rejection is not a criticism of your character. If a girl decides she doesn't want to date you, it doesn't mean she dislikes you or even finds you unattractive. Though every instance of rejection is different, the common thread is that "you" are not rejected. Rather, your request to date is.^{[4]XResearch source}
2
Give yourself time to grieve. After the rejection, don’t be afraid to feel any emotions that come your way. Sadness, anger, fear, and similar feelings are all natural parts of rejection, and working through them now will make it far easier to move on in the future.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Don’t be afraid to cry or scream when you're alone.
- If you can, talk through your feelings with a close friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing your emotions with a supportive, understanding person can make a huge difference in your mental well-being.
3
Think about why she said no. Though returning to the rejection may hurt, doing so after grieving can help you better understand what happened and gain some closure. If you believe your crush said no because she dislikes something about you, think about whether it is something you should change or if it is a simple matter of preference. In addition, remember that there are plenty of reasons she might have said no that aren’t related to you, such as:^{[6]XResearch source}
- She is too busy to date.
- She has a different sexual orientation than you.
- She is working through personal or emotional issues.
- She already has a significant other.
- She has a crush on someone else.
- She enjoys being single.
- She is not interested in relationships.
- If she is a Christian, she prefers to go about her business, or perhaps she is thinking of becoming a nun.
4
Be kind to your crush even if things feel awkward. If your crush is someone you see a lot, it's normal to experience some awkwardness after a rejection. Over time, you and your crush’s nerves will cool down and your normal friendship can resume. Until then, try to be as kind, friendly, and polite to your crush as you can.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Say "hi" when you see her.
- Smile and ask how she is if you're nearby.
- Just treat her like a friend and eventually you'll feel better around one another.

Part 3

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Moving Forward after a Rejection

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1
Spend time with other people. A rejection can be a blessing in disguise if it helps you find happiness in other people's company. To get out of your rejection funk, spend quality time with friends and go to social events you normally wouldn't. If you’re feeling up to it, ask a different crush out or go on a blind date.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- While pursuing new relationships, you may find someone you like even more than your previous crush.
2
Keep yourself busy by pursuing personal interests. To start off, try picking up a brand new hobby or an old pastime that you haven’t touched in a while. If that isn’t enough to take your mind off things, try setting a personal goal you want to achieve. The busier you are, the easier time you’ll have getting over the rejection. Some major goals you can occupy yourself with include:^{[9]XResearch source}
- Training to participate in a 5K or other athletic event.
- Creating a work of art like a short story, a painting, or even a short film or skit.
- Learning an entirely new skill like cooking or woodworking.
3
Ask your crush again if you think her feelings have changed. Even if a girl rejects you once, you may still be able to date her in the future. After the initial rejection, give your crush as much personal space as she needs and try to be a good friend. If you and her grow closer, or if she starts flirting with you, consider asking her out again.
- Though it may work in the movies, relentlessly pursuing a girl even after she says “no” comes off as creepy and incredibly disrespectful.

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Question
What do I do if I constantly meet nice women like me that are already in relationships?
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Expert Answer
This can be frustrating, but remember that everyone won't always be in a relationship! Try to subtly find out the person's relationship status before asking them out, to avoid being rejected. Listen closely to what they say; people in a relationship will often talk about their partner casually, making this clue easy to miss.
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What do you do when the girl rejects you and then goes on to say hurtful things? This has happened to me more than once...
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Expert Answer
If a girl feels the need to say hurtful things, walk away. It may be hard to see it, but this is less about you personally and more a sign of her own issues. Go talk to a friend or family member and focus on turning your attention somewhere else.
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Warnings

Don't think it's the end of the world because a certain girl rejected you. Even if it's painful, allow yourself to grieve for a few days and then when it's over, try again with another girl. Remember that she is not the only girl in the world, any other girl could be the one who accepts you and likes you (of course as long as she is single, does not have a boyfriend and is not using you for interest).
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You don't have to think that because you were rejected and you don't think you're going to get another girl that you have to make drastic decisions like going to a seminary to study for the priesthood. This should not be taken lightly, because it is a very delicate matter of vocation, the life of a seminarian is not pleasant or easy.
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