How to Attract an ISTJ Personality

Learn to connect and build rapport with ISTJ personalities using this simple guide

According to the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator, people with an Introverted-Sensing-Thinking-Judging (ISTJ) personality type are loyal, dependable, and devoted to their lovers, which makes them an ideal partner for many people. Because they are introverted and logical, however, it can take a while to attract one. ISTJ types like honesty, patience, and dependability in their partners. You may need to make the first move with ISTJ types, but they will appreciate your straightforward approach.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Meeting ISTJ Types

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1
Identify ISTJ types. ISTJ types are rather common compared to other personality types. This means that you should have little trouble meeting one as long as you know what to look for. Keep an eye out for common ISTJ characteristics.^{[1]XResearch source}
- ISTJs tend to dress modestly. Their clothing is usually more functional than stylish.
- ISTJs often have careers in technology, law enforcement, library science, or management.
- ISTJs value structure, order, tradition, and loyalty.
- ISTJs are very factual, and they can stubbornly believe they are always right. This means that they may start debates with you.
ISTJs enjoy strategy and trivia games, such as chess, Trivial Pursuit, or Risk. Find a local bar or game store that hosts game nights, and attend one. You may end up playing against an ISTJ type. Just be warned, they can be competitive!^{[2]XResearch source}
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ISTJs tend to enjoy sports. You may have luck meeting one by attending local sporting events. You can go to a live game or watch it at a sports bar. You might get involved with fan clubs or fantasy leagues where you can run into an ISTJ.^{[3]XResearch source}
4
Explore your social group. ISTJs can be homebodies, but they do like to socialize with close friends and family. Someone in your network or social group may know an ISTJ. Ask around to see if anyone is willing to set you up with one.^{[4]XResearch source}
- If your friends are uncertain what ISTJ means, tell them that you are looking for a partner who is loyal, honest, logical, and hardworking.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making a Connection

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1
Determine if you are compatible. Despite being introverts, ISTJs tend to be attracted to extroverted personalities, such as ESTP (Extroverted-Sensing-Thinking-Perceiving) and ESFP (Extroverted-Sensing-Feeling-Perceiving). They are least compatible with ENFP (Extroverted-Intuitive-Feeling-Perceiving) types.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Keep in mind that ISTJs have their downsides, too. They can be a bit stubborn, insensitive, and judgemental. Plus, ISTJs are rule followers, which means they may not be your ideal partner if you want someone with a spontaneous side.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Remember that personality type alone will not determine the success of a relationship.
2
Start conversations. ISTJs may be uncomfortable introducing themselves, but they often like people who make the first move. When trying to get closer to an ISTJ, don't be afraid to start a conversation or invite them to hang out.
- Send them a text every few days if you haven’t heard from them. Even if they don’t answer right away, this will help them open up to you.
- ISTJs enjoy group events. You can invite them out to larger group activities such as going to the movies, having a barbecue, or playing board games.
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Speak to them honestly. This is good practice in any relationship, especially one with an ISTJ, who tend to value honesty and integrity. When talking to them, always say what you mean. They are more open to constructive criticism, so you do not have to worry about offending them.^{[7]XResearch source}
- ISTJs do not pick up on other people’s emotions very easily. If you say “I’m fine,” the ISTJ will believe you. If you're upset, say something like “I’m having a bad day.”
If you want to flirt with an ISTJ, avoid giving hints. Tell them exactly what you like about them. You can say something like "I really admire how smart you are" or "I think it's really cool how devoted to your family you are."
5
Keep your promises. ISTJs are known for being extremely dependable. They typically want a partner who will be just as reliable. If you make a promise to an ISTJ, keep it as best as you can.^{[8]XResearch source}
- For example, if you agree to meet up at 4:00PM, don’t be late. Don’t arrive at 4:15 or 4:30. Be on time. Better yet, try to be early!
- Cancelling plans last minute may disappoint ISTJs. While it is sometimes unavoidable, don’t make it a habit.
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Give them space. Since ISTJs are introverts, they need time to themselves. ISTJs often plan their social events around a work or study schedule, so do not be offended if they are not always available to hang out. Respecting their space and time will help you demonstrate that you care for their needs.^{[9]XResearch source}
- Keep in mind that giving your partner space is a good idea in any relationship. It’s just that ISTJs may need a little more space than other personality types.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Asking an ISTJ Out

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1
State your feelings clearly. Do not expect an ISTJ to guess that you like them based on body language, clues, gifts, or subtle messages. Since they tend not to recognize the emotions of other people, it is best to state outright how you feel about them.^{[10]XResearch source}
- You can say, “I really like you, and I want to know if you would like to go a date with me?”
- Keep your compliments simple without sentimental praise. You can say, "I think you're a really cool person, and I really enjoy hanging out with you. Do you want to out on a date?"
2
Choose simple dates. An ISTJ type may take a relationship slowly. Since they tend to look for long term relationships over short hook-ups, dates where you can get to know each other are best. Avoid noisy or adventurous activities, like clubbing, barhopping, or karaoke.^{[11]XResearch source} Some date ideas include:
- Going out for dinner
- Studying together if you are in school or college
- Hiking
- Seeing their favorite sports team
- Visiting an arcade
3
Plan out the details ahead of time. ISTJs crave order. When planning a date, be as exact as you can. Make sure that the ISTJ knows exactly what will happen. Better yet, they may appreciate being able to plan the date themselves.
- Don’t say something like “Let’s go to a movie and then decide what to do.” Instead, plan out the specifics.
- You can say, “There’s a movie at 6:30, and then we can go to dinner at this great Italian place that I know.”
4
Avoid grand displays of affection. ISTJs may not express much affection or sentimentality at the beginning of a relationship. When asking them out, try to remain calm. Do not overwhelm them with gushing compliments or extravagant gifts.
- Flashy gifts like flowers, chocolate, or love letters may make them uncomfortable early in the relationship.
- Be patient. ISTJs tend to take relationships slowly.

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Tips

Be patient. It can take a while to attract an ISTJ type.
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ISTJs are not typically considered to be very romantic. Remember that they value loyalty and honesty over flirting and adoration.
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Warnings

Personality type is not an accurate predictor of whether a relationship will work or not.
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It’s ok to change some of your behaviors to fit with the other person’s style, but don’t completely change who you are. It could backfire down the line.
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