8 Reasons You're Sleepy Around Your Partner

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Explore the physical and emotional link between love and sleep

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• Physical Reasons
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• Emotional Reasons
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• Benefits of Sleeping with Your Love
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• Is it common?
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• Combating Sleepiness
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• Expert Interview
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• Q&A

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You’ve been excited to come home from work to your loving partner all day, but when you finally reunite, you can’t help but start yawning. Why is that? It turns out that the link between love and sleep is deeper than you might think and plays out in unexpected ways. In this article, we’ll explain the physiological and emotional reasons being with your true love makes you a little drowsy, plus explore the benefits of co-sleeping and how to have more energy around your partner. Let’s get started!

Things You Should Know

• Touching or being around your loved one releases the “love hormone” oxytocin, which promotes sleep and can make you feel drowsy.
• Being with your partner makes you feel safe and secure, both emotionally and physically. This makes you feel relaxed and makes it easier to fall asleep.
• Sleeping with your partner has many health benefits, including lower blood pressure, reduced stress and anxiety, and even anti-aging effects.

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Section 1 of 5:

Physical Reasons You’re Sleepy

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   Physical contact with your partner releases oxytocin, the sleep hormone. Also called the “love hormone,” oxytocin gets released when you sleep with your loved one, have sex, or even when you cuddle or hold hands with them. Oxytocin helps you fall asleep quicker and stay asleep longer, so it’s no wonder you feel drowsy in the company of your true love.

   • Being with your partner also reduces your cortisol (the stress hormone) levels, which helps you relax even more.
   • Some studies show that a variety of romantic activities (not just sex or cuddling) can trigger the release of oxytocin, too.
   • In women, love also significantly raises serotonin levels, which helps regulate mood and sleep patterns.
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   A couple’s heartbeat and breathing sync up, promoting relaxation. In a UC-Davis study, couples that sat facing each other were asked to mimic each other without speaking while connected to monitors. After a few minutes, the couples’ heartbeats tended to synchronize and they began breathing in and out in similar intervals. When men and women were paired with someone outside their relationship, this synchronization did not happen.

   • Both partners adjusted to each other, but female partners adjusted more dramatically and quickly (perhaps showing that women are more physiologically empathetic).
   • This synchronization might subconsciously make you and your loved one feel more connected, increasing your trust in them and allowing you to relax more.
   • Other studies show that a couple’s heart rates roughly sync up while co-sleeping (sleeping in the same bed together). If you regularly sleep with your partner, this means your hearts are beating together about a third of the time.
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   You’re completely relaxed around them. Whether you’ve spent all day together or are reuniting after a long day of work, chances are that you’ll let your guard down around your loved one, physically and emotionally. Seeing them leaves you feeling fresh, calm, and relaxed, which can make you a little drowsy (especially at the end of the day).

   • The more you trust your partner, the more at ease you’ll feel around them. This trust amplifies the sleepiness you feel when you’re with them.
   • Imagine how relaxed and half-asleep you might feel after a great massage. Being around your loved one can have a similar effect!
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   You might be tired from physical activity or poor sleep. The act of being in love—processing important feelings, getting excited around your partner, engaging in active dates or sexual activity—can be tiring all on its own. Plus, if you stay up late for pillow talk (or even texting if you’re not sleeping together), you might not be getting a good night’s sleep all the time.

   • Co-sleeping can be challenging and lead to restless nights, too, especially if you and your partner have different bedtimes and wake up times.
   • This could make you extra groggy in the mornings or evenings when you’re getting ready or winding down with your partner.
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Section 2 of 5:

Emotional Reasons You’re Sleepy

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   You feel mentally and emotionally safe around them. If you co-sleep with your partner, you probably find yourself opening up about your fears and anxieties more easily during pillow talk. It’s easier to be vulnerable when you’re snuggled up and secure in bed. This emotional security can carry over into the daytime, subconsciously bringing you to that sleepy, safe state of mind.

   • Plus, co-sleeping with someone makes you feel physically more secure and therefore relaxed, too.
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   You might find your partner’s scent or the sound of their voice soothing. Studies show that the scent of your partner can improve the quality of your sleep, regardless of whether you’re aware the scent is present or not. Similarly, the sound of their voice (or even just incidental noises they make) can bring you a sense of calm and security.

   • This goes to show you take in your partner with all your senses, not just sight and physical touch. The more you sense their presence, the more calm and safe you’ll feel, making it easier to feel sleepy.
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   You might just be bored. Maybe you’re in a secure, consistent, routine phase of your relationship where the “spark” has faded a little bit. This isn’t a bad thing per se, but too many evenings of Netflix on the couch in a row might leave you feeling unstimulated and therefore, a little drowsy (especially if you're used to more ups and downs in your relationships). Try going on an adventurous date night or breaking out of your normal routine to get some of your evening energy back.

   • Sometimes, boredom or stress from being unhappy in your relationship might make you feel tired around your partner. If that’s the case, communicate your feelings to your partner or consider couple’s counseling to try to get the “spark” back.
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   You’re simply “high on love.” The emotion and act of love releases a flood of hormones whose effects aren’t 100% understood by science yet, as well as changes in your thoughts and behavior. Some studies show that people in love tend to get less sleep than those who are single, meaning they’re more likely to be sleepy.

   • The same studies show that positive emotions like love and happiness increase sleep quality, even if the time spent asleep is lower.
   • In general, more research needs to be done to fully understand the connections between being in love and your sleep patterns.
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Section 3 of 5:

Benefits of Sleeping with Your Love

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   Good physical and mental health Co-sleeping with a partner you love has many benefits for your overall well-being. For starters, sleeping with a loved one is linked to lower blood pressure and a stronger immune system response in both men and women. On top of that, partners that sleep together experience less stress, anxiety, and depression and increased satisfaction with life overall.

   • Sharing a bed also seems to improve your relationship by increasing social support and feelings of relationship satisfaction.
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   Better quality sleep Even though love makes you get slightly less sleep, the quality is better—your sleep tends to be deeper and more restorative, and many people fall asleep faster next to their loved one. This makes lovers feel a little less fatigued in the morning than they otherwise might.

   • Sleeping with a partner also reduces your risk of developing sleep apnea and insomnia.
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   Improved relationship and feelings of closeness In a study analyzing how sleep positions affected the quality of relationships, psychologists found that the closer couples are to each other in bed, the stronger their relationship. This is because physical touch helps build attachment (especially if you get lots of skin-to-skin contact by sleeping in the nude or in undergarments).

   • Co-sleeping is also associated with better communication, which leads to better problem solving and relationship satisfaction.
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   Anti-aging effects Since sleeping with a loved one reduces stress and promotes relaxation, it’s no surprise that co-sleeping can make you feel and even look younger. Some neuropsychologists estimate that sleeping with a partner you love can take up to 10 years off of your appearance and energy levels.

   • These anti-aging benefits aren’t just from sleep. Quality time spent cuddling, touching, or having sex can have similar results.
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   Feelings of safety and security Co-sleeping makes you feel safe, which releases oxytocin and helps you fall asleep more easily. This gives you more time to cycle through the stages of deep sleep, leaving you refreshed in the morning. This makes you even more relaxed, secure, and trusting around your partner, which continues improving your sleep in a healthy cycle.
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Section 4 of 5:

Is getting sleepy around your partner common?

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1. 
   Yes, it’s totally normal for couples to feel sleepy around each other. Drowsiness is the natural response to the combination of physical and emotional effects of being in love and co-sleeping. In fact, it’s a good sign for your relationship—it means you’re very comfortable around each other and feel secure being vulnerable in your partner’s presence.

   • Drowsiness is only a problem if it’s affecting your relationship negatively, like if your partner feels aggravated that you’re always low-energy when you’re with them. In these cases, look for ways to combat your sleepiness so you can put more energy into your relationship.

Section 5 of 5:

Combating Sleepiness

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   Work with your partner to ensure you both get a good night’s sleep. If possible, try to coordinate similar bedtime routines so you’re going to sleep and waking up around the same times. Talk about what bedroom and mattress conditions are most comfortable for you—like room temperature, mattress firmness, or light levels—and look for compromises that will make you both happy.

   • Try getting regular exercise and spending some quality time apart from one another as well. Both of these things will give each partner more energy when they come together.
   • These strategies will help you find a balance between feeling energized and spending quality (but slightly drowsy) time together.
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   Try to get the “spark” back to fight sleepiness caused by boredom. Spend some time reminiscing on fond or steamy memories together, or bring back the small but butterfly-inducing romantic gestures you performed for each other when you first started dating, like coming home with flowers or offering an impromptu neck massage. Schedule date nights, too—just because you see each other often doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a night out on the town together!

   • Get out of your comfort zone and try new things together, like taking a cooking class or hiking a new trail. The thrill of learning something new together will re-energize your passion.
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• Question

  Recently I learned my partner slips me sleeping pills in my medication nightly and then touches me in my deep sleep. What do I do?

  

  Community Answer

  Talk to them about it. After that, if it ever happens again, it's time to leave. (You might also want to hide your medication.)

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