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This article was reviewed by John Keegan and by How.com.vn staff writer, Cheyenne Main. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
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This article has been viewed 116,775 times.
Although conversations and communication are important for a relationship, it’s not uncommon to run out of things to talk about with your girlfriend. Open the conversation with lighthearted questions about her interests, hobbies, or opinions, then dive into deeper and more vulnerable questions when you both feel comfortable. Let’s dive in!
Steps
Ask your girlfriend what she loves to do in her free time. Whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been together for years, one of the best topics is to ask about her favorite hobbies. What is it about her favorite interests that makes her happy? How did she first discover that she liked it? Explore the motivation behind what she loves to do.- “What do you like to do in your spare time?”
- “How did you get into knitting? What do you like most about it?”
- “Why did you start playing basketball?”
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Talk about the interests and experiences you share together. Sharing common interests with others is necessary to create and maintain social bonds.[1]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source You probably started dating your girlfriend because you had shared interests. Do you watch the same movies? Read the same books? To start a conversation, talk about what you both like or dislike.- “What was your favorite episode of that show we watched together?”
- “Which band has the best drummer of all time?”
- “What did you think about that new superhero movie?”
Talk about the 3 most interesting things that happened to you two today. Sometimes, just talking about what happened to you that day can spark interesting conversations. List 3 notable moments of your day, or follow the rose, bud, thorn method—talk about something positive that happened, a challenge you experienced that day, and what you’re looking forward to.[2]XResearch source- “What’s the most exciting thing that happened today?”
- “What was a challenge you encountered today? Is there any way I could support you?”
- “What are you looking forward to tomorrow?”
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Discuss what you have planned for the upcoming weekend. If you’re just getting to know each other, asking about your girlfriend’s weekend plans can be a great way to figure out what she’s like outside the daily grind. If the two of you have been together for a while, this could be the perfect opportunity to plan out what you’re going to do together.- “What are you up to this weekend?”
- “What would you like to do this weekend?”
- “Do you have any weekend plans?”
Talk about which books or movies changed your perspective on the world. Books and movies can have a transformative power over your life. Whether you’re into fantasy, sci-fi, or non-fiction, finding out if your girlfriend has read or seen something life-changing can be a great gateway into a conversation. Plus, she might give you a good movie or book recommendation.- “Have you read a book that’s changed your life? What book was it and why?”
- “Have you seen a book that’s changed your worldview? How?”
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- Ask her what her go-to morning meal or coffee order is. Does she prefer pancakes or waffles? Does she love a good pumpkin spice latte? Breakfast is one of the most important meals of the day, so why not ask your girlfriend what her go-to meal is? Plus, her answer might give you everything you need to surprise her with her favorite breakfast later.
- “What’s your favorite thing to order at a coffee shop?”
- “If you could eat anything for breakfast, what would it be and why?”
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- Talk about what you both want to do before you die. Everyone has at least 1 thing they’d love to do before they kick the bucket. Talk about some of the things you’d like to do and ask her what she has on her list. This also might be the perfect opportunity to plan a couple of ways to cross off some activities together.
- “What are 5 things you’d like to do before you die?”
- “Do you want to travel, learn a new language, or go skydiving?”
- “What’s the most unusual or surprising item on your bucket list? How did you come up with it?”
- Talk about what smells make her feel most nostalgic. Specific scents can trigger positive memories, lower stress, and increase positive emotions.[3]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source For example, the smell of freshly baked bread could remind your girlfriend of her mother’s homemade sourdough. To learn a little more about her, ask your girlfriend about her favorite scents and tell her about your own.
- “What is your favorite smell and why?”
- “What is a smell that instantly transports you to a specific childhood memory?”
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Find out who your girlfriend looked up to while she was growing up. Who your role models were can tell you a lot about who you are and what you value in life. Her role model might be a family member, a celebrity, an author, or an important historical figure. Tell your girlfriend about some of your role models, and ask her who she looked up to and why.- “Who’s your biggest role model and why?”
- “What are the traits that you admire about your role model?”
- “What are some ways you’d like to be like your role model?”
Learn more about your girlfriend’s career dreams and goals. Asking about your girlfriend’s goals and aspirations can be a great way to learn what kind of work she’d love to do. This can also be an opportunity to talk about what career you’d love to pursue and inspire you to look into different career paths for yourself.- “What does your dream job look like?”
- “If money was no object, what kind of work would you do?”
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Talk about what kind of house you’d live in if money was no object. Would she live in a huge mansion with tons of backyard space, or would she love a small cottage surrounded by plants and animals? Does she want to live right next to the beach or tucked away in the mountains? Asking your girlfriend about her dream home can be a great way to learn more about her.- “Where have you always wanted to live? Why?”
- “What does your dream home look like?”
- “If you had all the money in the world, where would you live and why?”
Talk about all the places you both would love to see. Not only is it fun to think about all the places you’d love to travel to, but learning about your girlfriend’s dream destinations can be the perfect way to learn more about how she travels. If you’ve been together for a while, this could also be a chance to plan your next vacation together.- “Where have you always wanted to go?”
- “Do you like road trips or flights more?”
- “Would you rather backpack across Europe or go on a cruise?”
- “Which do you like to do more during a vacation: sightseeing or relaxing?”
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Talk about your favorite songs, music artists, and what you listen to daily. Music can be a powerful way to connect with someone you admire. However, what you listen to at night before you go to bed might be different than what you listen to during a workout session. Try asking your girlfriend what kind of music she loves to listen to and when.- “What’s your favorite genre of music?”
- “What kind of music do you listen to while you work?”
- “Do you listen to music before you fall asleep?”
Reminisce about some of your best childhood memories with her. Nostalgia is a powerful tool that can help inspire tons of fun stories. Focus on the good times and ask your girlfriend about the best activities or experiences she had as a child.- “What were your favorite childhood memories?”
- “What kind of games did you play growing up?”
- “What’s your earliest memory?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 198 How.com.vn readers who've struggled with conversation topics, and 65% of them agreed the best topic is something positive. [Take Poll]
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- Ask what your girlfriend wanted to be when she was a kid. A firefighter? A doctor? A mermaid princess? The answer you get might tell you a lot about what your girlfriend was like as a child. Try asking your girlfriend what career she wanted to pursue when she was a kid and talk about what you wanted to be when you grew up.
- “What did you want to be when you grew up?”
- “What careers did you want to pursue as a child?”
- Ask your girlfriend who her friends are and what they’re like. The people someone chooses to hang out with can tell you a lot about who they are. Try chatting with your girlfriend about her friends, what they’re like, and who you hang out with the most.
- “What are your friends like?”
- “What’s the best memory you’ve ever had with your friends?”
- “Who would you say is your best friend?”
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- Talk about her current career, motivations, and daily work life. Your job is where you might spend most of your time, so it can be important to ask your girlfriend what she does in the first few weeks of dating her. If you’ve been together for a while now, asking where she’d like to be in the future can also be a great way to get to know each other better.
- “What drew you to your work?”
- “What does your day-in-the-life look like?”
- “Where would you like to be 5 years from now?”
- Talk about the best meals you’ve ever tasted and where you had them. Did she have the best spaghetti at a random gas station? Is her favorite meal the chicken and dumpling soup her grandmother used to make? Keep the conversation flowing by asking your girlfriend about what kind of foods she loves to eat or what her favorite meal of all time is.
- “What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?”
- “What did you grow up eating?”
- “If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
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Find out your girlfriend’s favorite flowers so you can surprise her later. Flowers are a classic gift to show your girlfriend how much you love and appreciate her and asking about her favorite can be a great way to learn what kinds of flowers she’d love to receive the most. To branch out the conversation, ask her why she likes that flower so much.- “What’s your favorite type of flower and why?”
- “What type of flowers would you love to receive?”
Talk about what would make the perfect date night. For a more romantic spin, try asking your girlfriend what activities she’d love for the two of you to do on your next date night. Whether she’d love to have dinner and see a movie or if she’s more interested in an adventurous activity, like skydiving or skiing, you’ll know what you can do on future dates together.- “What’s your ideal date night look like?”
- “What activity would you like to try together?”
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Ask your girlfriend what her favorite creative outlet is. Does she love painting, drawing, knitting, or writing? Asking about what your girlfriend loves to do to express herself might help you learn more about how she thinks and what inspires her. Who knows? You might learn that you love the same things.- “What’s your favorite creative activity?”
- “Are you interested in music, art, or writing?”
- “Do you play an instrument?”
Ask her what a perfect day would look like. The way that you spend your day is often how you spend your life. Talk about what an ideal day would look like for each of you—who would be there with you? What would you do? What does it feel like?- “If you were to plan the perfect day, how would you spend it?”
- “What does an ideal day look like to you?”
- “If you had the day off from work, where would you go and what would you do?”
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Tell her what you love most about her. Who doesn’t love a good, heartfelt compliment? Make your girlfriend smile by telling her all about the things you like about her. Try to not only talk about the way she looks but what makes you excited to see her or what little things she does that make you smile.- “I love when you point out how gorgeous the sunset is. You always see the beauty in everything.”
- “I really admire how you handle difficult situations—you’re always so calm and collected.”
Tell your girlfriend the story of how you met. There’s nothing more magical than how that initial spark turned into a beautiful, loving relationship. To make her feel appreciated and special, try telling your girlfriend what you were thinking when you met her and why you decided to date her in the first place.- “Do you remember when we met? I fell for you instantly. You’re so sweet and kind.”
- “I remember seeing you at the coffee shop, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful you were.”
- “When we matched on Tinder, I was so nervous to talk to you. As soon as we started chatting, I knew you were the one for me.”
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- Share all the interests you’re most passionate about with her. What are your dreams and motivations? What activities are you super enthusiastic about? Talk all about what you love, and ask your girlfriend what she’s interested in. Even if you don’t like all of the same things, this might be a good way to involve yourself in some of her hobbies and interests.
- “What are you the most passionate about?”
- “What interests make you feel the most happy?”
- Ask your girlfriend what she feels the most grateful for. Tons of studies have explored how gratitude can make you happier and improve your relationships.[4]XTrustworthy SourceHarvard Medical SchoolHarvard Medical School's Educational Site for the PublicGo to source Take the time to tell each other what you’re grateful for to foster positivity and satisfaction in not only your relationship, but your lives.
- “What do you feel grateful for?”
- “What are some ways that you cultivate gratitude?”
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- Share something you’ve learned about in the past week. Relationships are all about learning and growing together. If you’ve heard something interesting during the past couple of days, this could be a good opportunity to talk about it with your girlfriend.
- “I just learned that jellyfish have been around for millions of years, even before dinosaurs. Isn’t that cool?”
- “What’s an interesting fact you’ve learned this week?”
- Make your girlfriend laugh by talking about the worst haircuts you’ve ever had. Ever had a haircut you regretted as soon as you walked out of the salon? Tell your girlfriend all about it, and ask what the worst haircut she ever had looked like. Don’t be afraid to give tons of detail—did you accidentally fry your hair with bleach? Did you get a really bad buzz cut?
- “What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever gotten?”
- “Have you ever tried to cut your own hair as a kid? How did it turn out?”
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Ask your girlfriend if she thinks aliens have landed on Earth. Does your girlfriend think there’s life outside our universe? Does she think aliens have made it to Earth? Is the government trying to hide them from us? Ask her all about her opinions on aliens to start more a fun, lighthearted conversation.- “Do you think that aliens are real?”
- “Are UFOs alien ships? If not, what do you think UFOs are, really?”
- “Do you think there’s alien life at Area 51?”
Plan out how you and your girlfriend would survive during the zombie apocalypse. Ever thought about what would happen if zombies walked among us? Talk with your girlfriend about what you would do during the apocalypse—would you hold out in a house somewhere, would you look for a cure, or would you be outside fighting zombies?- “Where would you go during a zombie apocalypse?”
- “What would be the first thing you do?”
- “How long do you think it would take before you turned into a zombie?”
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Tell your girlfriend what 5 items you’d use to summon her if she were a demon. Another fun, non-serious topic is to think of what items you’d use to summon your girlfriend if she got turned into a demon. Then, ask her what she’d use to summon you.- “I’d use a mocha cappuccino, a laptop, a maple leaf, a cat, and a bar of chocolate.”
- “If I got turned into a demon, what 5 items would you use to summon me?”
Ask your girlfriend what she thinks about Bigfoot and other cryptids. Does your girlfriend believe in Bigfoot? How about Mothman or the Squonk? Finding out if your girlfriend believes in the supernatural can be a great way to break the ice and spark an interesting conversation.- “Do you think Bigfoot is a real creature?”
- “Do you believe in supernatural creatures? Why or why not?”
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Talk about the future of AI with your girlfriend. AI is an interesting and complex topic that tons of different people have unique opinions about. To start the conversation and find out if your girlfriend is excited, nervous, or frustrated by the future of artificial intelligence, ask her about what she thinks about the concept as a whole.- “What do you think about the future of artificial intelligence?”
- “How do you feel about the increased use of AI in daily life?”
- “How do you think AI will change the future of work, education, or entertainment?”
Dive into a conversation about the afterlife and religion. For a deeper, more personal discussion, try asking your girlfriend about her spiritual and religious beliefs. As you open up the conversation into more controversial territory, make sure to respond to your girlfriend’s opinions and beliefs with kindness and curiosity.- “Do you believe in the concept of an afterlife?”
- “Do you think there’s a God?”
- “What do you think the afterlife looks like?”
- “What are your spiritual beliefs?”
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- Ask your girlfriend what legacy she wants to leave behind after she passes on. Talking about how you’d like people to remember you after you’ve died can be a great way to talk about what you want to do while you’re still here.
- “How do you want other people to remember you after you’ve died?”
- “What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?”
- Debate about what you think the meaning of life is. Is it to have fun and enjoy the time you have? Is it to do the right thing? Is it the number 42? This is a little bit of a cheesy question, but it can be a great way to pass the time when you’ve both run out of things to talk about.
- “What do you think the meaning of life is?”
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- Talk about what your family members are like and how you grew up. If you haven’t asked your girlfriend already, ask her about what her family is like. You could ask which family member she’s closest to, if she has siblings, or what her upbringing was like.
- “What’s your family like?”
- “Do you have any siblings? What about cousins?”
- “Which family member are you the closest with? What’s your favorite memory of them?”
- Ask her opinions on political issues or current events. Politics can be a difficult subject, but if you’ve been together for a while, it can help you understand the other person’s morals and values. Ask your girlfriend tons of clarifying questions and try to be open to her opinions, even if you may not agree.
- “What’s your opinion on climate change?”
- “Which political party do you most align with?”
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Describe your favorite memories and activities you’ve done together. If you’ve been together for a while now, you probably have a few memories you like to remember. Show your girlfriend how much you love your time together by reminiscing about what adventures you’ve been on together.- “What’s the best date we’ve ever been on?”
- “Remember that time we made a sandcastle at the beach and it washed away almost immediately?”
- “Do you remember when we went to the park and you fell off the swing?”
Open up to her about your most embarrassing memories. Talking about your most humiliating moments can be super funny and entertaining for others, but it can also make you feel incredibly vulnerable. Tell your girlfriend your most embarrassing moment, and maybe she’ll do the same—that way, you can laugh about it together.- “What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you?”
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Talk about your goals for the future with your girlfriend. Where do you want to be in 10 years? What do you want your future to look like? Talk with your girlfriend about your short and long-term plans for the future. Don’t be afraid to be open and vulnerable—the best conversations are ones where you both are willing to share more about yourselves.- “What are some goals you have for your career?”
- “What are some of the challenges you’ve had to face while pursuing your goals?”
Find out what habits, practices, or ideas make your girlfriend feel safe. One of the most basic human needs is the feeling of safety and stability in a person’s own surroundings.[5]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source In times of fear or stress, your significant other might seek out certain habits or behaviors to feel safer. Ask your girlfriend about what she turns to when she feels scared or unstable.- “What makes you feel safe and secure?”
- “Do you find more safety in your spirituality or in physical reminders of safety (locks on your doors, a warm soft blanket, etc.)?”
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Ask your girlfriend what actions make her feel the most loved and appreciated. Showing appreciation to your partner is incredibly important to build a greater bond and connection with them.[6]XResearch source Does she like when people give her compliments? Or does she feel the most loved when she receives a thoughtful gift?- “What makes you feel appreciated?”
- “Do you feel the most loved when someone gives you a compliment or when they do a task you’ve been dreading for you?”
Learn how your girlfriend reacts to and resolves conflict in her daily life. Does your girlfriend shut down and avoid conflict at all costs? Does she blow up in anger? Learning how your girlfriend responds to conflict might help you figure out how to resolve differences in a healthy way and build a more strong, rewarding relationship together.[7]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source- “How do you deal with conflict?”
- “How do you know when to let an argument go?”
- “Do you use humor to resolve conflict?”
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- Talk about what you both do to unwind and relax in times of stress. Does she like to take a hot bubble bath? Does she go for a walk in nature? Talking openly about what the two of you do to relax after a long day can help you read when each of you is stressed and know exactly what to do to help.
- “What’s your favorite thing you like to do when you need to unwind and de-stress?”
- “Do you prefer to go out with friends or enjoy a night in after a long day of work?”
- “What are your favorite ways to take care of yourself when you’re stressed?”
- Speak openly about the way you feel about your girlfriend. Being vulnerable and sharing your feelings is important for creating emotional intimacy and connection with your partner.[8]XResearch source Whether you’d like to express your love for your girlfriend, talk about your days together, or initiate physical touch by holding hands, talking about your emotions can be a great way to open up.
- “I feel so lucky to have you in my life. You make me smile every day.”
- “I really enjoy the time we’ve spent together, and I’m looking forward to where this relationship takes us.”
- “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
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- Ask her what she likes or dislikes in the bedroom. Intimacy can be a difficult topic to approach casually, but if you’re both lying together in bed, it might be a great way to give her space to talk about your intimate time together. Give her plenty of space to communicate her feelings and emphasize that you’d like her to feel safe and satisfied in your relationship.
- “What do you like most when it comes to intimacy?”
- “What unexplored fantasies do you have?”
- “Is there anything I could do better in bed?”
- Have a conversation about how you can make your relationship better. In a healthy relationship, it’s important to cultivate a space where you and your partner can make each other feel safe, heard, and not judged.[9]XTrustworthy SourceNew York State GovernmentOfficial website for the State of New YorkGo to source Whether it’s quality time, communication, or maintaining healthy boundaries, talk about what aspects of your relationship you’d like to work on.
- “What are areas of our relationship that could be improved?”
- “What do you think we could do to make our relationship even stronger?”
- Try using “I” statements to share your thoughts in a non-aggressive way. Instead of saying “I hate it when you don’t do the dishes,” say “When I come home from a long day at work and see dirty dishes in the sink, I feel unappreciated.”
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Explore what your girlfriend thinks about marriage. If you’ve been with your girlfriend for a while, you might be starting to think about your future together. Asking your girlfriend if she ever wants to get married and having an open and honest conversation about your future can be a great step to take things to the next level.- “What do you think about marriage?”
- “Do you ever want to get married?”
Ask your girlfriend if she’d like to have kids or how many she’d like to have. If you’ve already talked about whether or not you’d like to have kids, ask her about what she’d like your future together to look like. If you haven’t talked about it yet, ask your girlfriend when you’re in a calm, comfortable setting, and be honest with her about your desires and goals.- “Do you want to have children someday?”
- “How many children would you like to have and how do you want to raise them?”
- “If we don’t have kids, what would you like the future to look like?”
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Set healthy boundaries so you can maintain a healthy, balanced relationship. While it’s usually best to set boundaries early on in your relationship, establishing healthy rules can help strengthen a relationship at any stage.[10]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source Tell your girlfriend what you need from her and clearly communicate your boundaries.[11]XResearch source- “I get frustrated when I don’t get enough alone time because that’s how I recharge after a long day. I would like at least 30 minutes after work to recharge.”
- “I feel embarrassed when you joke about me to your friends. I would like you to stop.”
Talk about her experiences in her past relationships. This topic can help you two talk about what did and didn’t work in your previous relationships so the two of you can build a healthier relationship together. However, this can also be a sensitive issue, so make sure to give her room to talk and try not to pry her for more information.- “What was your experience in past relationships?”
- “Were your needs met in your previous relationships?”
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- Talk about your biggest fears and phobias. Fear is an incredibly vulnerable topic that can give you more insight into your girlfriend’s inner world. Before asking her questions, try opening up about some of your biggest fears to give her the confidence to open up about hers.
- “What’s your biggest fear?”
- “What were you afraid of as a child?”
Talk about what you regret most in life. Knowing what your girlfriend regrets the most can reveal a lot about what values she holds close. Has she betrayed a friend? Did she tell a secret she wasn’t supposed to? Tell her that whatever she feels is valid and let her know you support her no matter what.- “What’s your biggest regret?”
- “If you could relive the past 5 years, what would you do differently?”
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Confess your deepest, darkest secrets to your girlfriend. Knowing your girlfriend’s secrets is important to having an intimate, emotional bond.[12]XResearch source Secrets can be a fun, intimate topic, as long as you’re both willing to be completely open, vulnerable, and accepting.- “What’s your biggest secret?”
- “What’s something you’ve never told anyone before?”
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Tips
- To keep the conversation flowing naturally, ask open-ended questions and let the conversation move organically rather than trying to force it to go in the direction you want.[13]XResearch sourceThanks
- If your girlfriend starts to give short, abrupt answers, try switching to more fun, non-personal topics to lighten the mood.Thanks
- Try rephrasing what your girlfriend says to make her feel loved, heard, and understood. For example, you might say something like, “So what you’re saying is…” or “I think I understand what you’re saying. You're saying _______, is that correct?”Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29232617/
- ↑ https://www.mindfulschools.org/inspiration/mindful-reflection/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039451/
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5050353/
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/the-importance-of-showing-gratitude-to-your-partner
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/happy-healthy-relationships/202203/the-importance-vulnerability-in-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.htm
- ↑ https://www.uaex.uada.edu/life-skills-wellness/extension-homemakers/BoundarySetting_Worksheet.2.pdf
- ↑ https://www.oprah.com/omagazine/your-guide-to-confessing-your-deep-dark-secrets/all
- ↑ https://stanfordmag.org/contents/how-to-talk-to-strangers
About This Article
This article was reviewed by John Keegan and by How.com.vn staff writer, Cheyenne Main. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 116,775 times.
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Updated: March 29, 2024
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Categories: Featured Articles | Ideas for Dates
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