How to Talk to a Woman You Just Met

A good first impression can really set you off on the right foot, especially with someone you just met. Although it can be nerve wracking to make conversation with a stranger, there are a few things you can keep in mind to keep your convo flowing smoothly. Keep reading to learn how you can chat with a woman and maintain your confidence to make a deeper connection with her.

Method 1

Method 1 of 11:

Approach her if she looks comfortable.

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Look for certain signs that she’s ready to chat. She might be standing with her arms uncrossed, her body facing you, with a pleasant expression on her face. She might also smile at you or make eye contact with you as you walk over. These are all good signs that it’s okay to approach her and start chatting.^{[1]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- On the other hand, if she has her head down, her arms crossed, or she’s talking to other people, now’s probably not a great time to approach her.
- Remember to keep your own body language open by uncrossing your arms, making eye contact, and smiling. It will start you out on the right foot before you even get to chatting.^{[2]XExpert SourceImad Jbara
  Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 November 2019.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 11:

Introduce yourself to start the conversation.

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Give her your name to get the ball rolling. Since you two don’t know each other, you can shake her hand if you’d like to. Say something simple like, “Hi, I’m Bob” so she knows who you are. She’ll most likely tell you her name, too.^{[3]XResearch source}
- If you’re at a party or a group gathering, introduce yourself with how you know the host. For instance, you might say, “Hi, I’m Samantha. I’m Miranda’s next-door neighbor.”
- Avoid cheesy or overly sexual pickup lines, since those usually don’t go over well.

Method 3

Method 3 of 11:

Ask her a favor for an easy ice breaker.

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It’s an easy way to approach someone and quickly start talking.^{[4]XExpert SourceImad Jbara
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Even something simple like, “Could you grab me a straw?” or, “Will you watch my stuff while I go to the bathroom?” is enough to break the ice and make a connection. Keep it simple so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed, and make it something she can do right away.^{[5]XResearch source}
- You could also ask her to snap a quick pic of you or hold your drink while you tie your shoe.

Method 4

Method 4 of 11:

Ask her a question to start a fun conversation.

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Try to get to know her from the second you start talking. You could ask about how she likes her coffee, where she got her purse, or why she’s out shopping on a Sunday morning.^{[6]XExpert SourceImad Jbara
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 November 2019.} A simple, innocent question can start a lively convo in no time.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Try something like, “What brings you to the farmer’s market so early in the day?” or, “How’s that coffee treating you?”
- Stay away from anything too personal, like where she lives.

Method 5

Method 5 of 11:

Keep her talking with open-ended questions.

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Make sure she can’t answer with yes or no. Instead, ask her questions that she’ll need to answer with a story, or at least a few sentences. It will keep the conversation going so you two can talk more.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourcePubMed CentralJournal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of HealthGo to source}
- Instead of saying, “Do you have a job?” try, “What do you do for work?”
- Instead of saying, “Do you have any pets?” try, “I have 1 cat and 1 dog. How about you?”
Debra Fine, Interpersonal Communication Expert
When speaking with a woman you've just met, focus first on listening, not talking. Ask open-ended questions about her interests and goals, and share a bit about yourself when invited. Avoid invasive personal questions or monopolizing the dialogue. Most importantly, treat her with the same respect you'd give any human being, regardless of gender. A little old-fashioned courtesy goes a long way in making a new connection.

Method 6

Method 6 of 11:

Add onto whatever she says.

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The snowball method helps keep you both talking longer. Try bundling a simple sentence into an observation, like, “Your scrubs make me think you work at a dentist’s office or a doctor’s office. What do you do?” When she answers, reply with an observation and a question. For instance, if she works in a hospital, you might say:^{[9]XTrustworthy SourceAmerican Psychological AssociationLeading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologistsGo to source}
- “Working in a hospital sounds like it would be tough. All the medical professionals I know work crazy long hours. What made you want to go into this profession?”
- If she works at a dentist’s office, you might say, “I’ve heard dental school is pretty hard to get into. How long have you been working there?”

Method 7

Method 7 of 11:

Give her a few compliments.

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It will make her feel good and strengthen your connection. Since you two just met, compliment something you notice about her, like her laugh or her jacket. Stay away from anything too physical, though, or you could come off as creepy. Some good compliments include:^{[10]XResearch source}
- “You have an amazing laugh.”
- “Your scarf is gorgeous, where’d you get it?”
- “That purse is beautiful. Is it a designer?”

Method 8

Method 8 of 11:

Take inspiration from the scene around you.

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Observe something nearby for an easy conversation topic. For instance, if you’re at a grocery store, you might talk about the new bakery section that sells great donuts.^{[11]XExpert SourceImad Jbara
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If you’re at a party, ask her if she likes the drink she’s sipping on.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Try something like, “Do you like that beer? That brewery makes a great IPA that I love.”
- Or, “Have you seen the donuts they’re selling over there? The chocolate sprinkle ones are pretty good!”

Method 9

Method 9 of 11:

Add a little humor to the conversation.

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Crack a few jokes or tell a funny story. Stay away from slapstick or knock knock jokes—those rarely go over well. Sarcasm, situational humor, and silly stories usually entertain people, especially when you first meet them.^{[13]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- For instance, if you look out the window and see that it’s hailing out, you might say, “Ah, I love a light breeze.”
- Or, you could tell a funny story with a twist at the end, like, “The other day I woke up and I was so tired I could barely get out of bed. I stumbled around making breakfast and getting dressed, only to realize that it was 2 o’ clock in the morning!”
- Stay away from sexual jokes or political humor, since those can be a bit much for a first meeting.

Method 10

Method 10 of 11:

Listen to what she says.

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Don’t get too wrapped up in what you’re going to say next. Practice active listening by nodding your head, asking follow up questions, and making eye contact. The woman you’re talking to will feel more connected with you, and you’ll probably have a more interesting conversation.^{[14]XResearch source}
- Say things like, “Tell me more” and “Wow, that’s so interesting” to show that you’re listening.

Method 11

Method 11 of 11:

Ask for her number if you want to see her again.

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If your conversation went well, this is your next step. See if she wants to take down your digits or give you hers so you two can talk again. If she doesn’t seem comfortable with that, don’t push it.^{[15]XResearch source}
- You can tell it’s time to wrap up the conversation when she starts looking bored or giving you shorter answers.
- Say something like, “I really liked talking to you. Could I give you my number so we could talk again later?”

Expert Q&A

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Question
Is it OK to ask a girl out right away?
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Possibly, but trying a cold approach might trigger her defense mechanisms. Instead, try to start things off with a casual conversation so she feels like you aren't just angling for her number.
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Tips

Remember that the woman you’re talking to is human, too! Don’t put her on a pedestal or assume she’s perfect right off the bat.^{[16]XResearch source}
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