How to Talk to a Girl at School (Boys)

If you are in elementary, middle or high school, the idea of talking to a girl might make you feel nervous or anxious. However, don’t be discouraged! With the right approach, you can have good conversations with girls and maybe even develop friendships or relationships with them.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Starting Off Small

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1
Stay calm. Try not to overthink the situation. Though you want to talk to this girl very much, remember that she is not perfect and may be as nervous as you. Girls have emotions and feelings just like you do and may be wondering the right way to approach you as well. Or she may be waiting for you to make the first move!^{[1]XResearch source}.
- Breathe deeply before you talk to her. Deep breaths help calm you down.
When you see her, greet her with a sweet smile. Smiles indicate friendliness and warmth. You may have never smiled at her before, so she may have no idea that you want to talk to her. Smiling at her will plant a seed in her mind that you have some level of interest. She won’t be as caught off guard when you actually do speak to her.
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3
Greet her with a “hello”. If you see her in the mornings or walk past her on your way to class, tell her “hello.” This will likely begin to spark an interest in her to know more about you and to talk to you. This also will guarantee that she notices you.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Unless you have spoken to her before, however, don’t use her name when you say “hello.” She might find it creepy if you know her name but she doesn’t know you or yours, especially if you go to a big school. Don’t look up any information about her either because this can come across as stalker-like behavior. Only use her name if she has told you what it is.
4
Ask a favor. One way to begin having small conversations with her is to ask her for a small favor. This is another way to guarantee that she notices you. For instance, you might ask her something like “can you grab a cup for me?” if she is standing by the cups in the cafeteria.^{[3]XResearch source}
- You might also ask something like “can you let me borrow a pencil?” if you have a class with her, just make sure that you give the pencil back.
- Don't do this too often. If you ask her to do things for you too often, she will begin to think that maybe you're using her.
5
Ask a question. Another great way to begin having small conversations is to ask her small questions. She will appreciate the opportunity to be able to help you if you ask questions like “what page did the teacher say we should turn to?” or “what is our homework assignment for tonight?”^{[4]XResearch source}
- If you’re lucky, she may begin to rely on you when she has questions as well and then you can spark up conversations.
You can also begin the conversation with her by making small statements that don’t necessarily require a response. Saying things like “wow, it’s a nice day today” or “this lunch is so good” are great ways to speak to her without fear, because such does not require her to respond. However, she will likely respond to you if she is interested, so continue the conversation from there.^{[5]XResearch source}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Developing An Effective Approach

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1
Look your best. One way to impress a girl that you have not yet spoken to is to always look great. Get up a few minutes earlier in the mornings and take a little extra time to get ready. A girl is more likely to notice you if you come to school looking handsome and clean cut regularly.
- Pick your outfit out the night before and iron it so your clothes look neat.
- Maintain your hygiene. Shower regularly and wear deodorant. Brush your teeth and floss.
- Put on lotion and wear chapstick.
- Get haircuts regularly to maintain a sharp hairstyle.
- If you have long hair, wash it regularly and comb it to keep it neat.
- Wear cologne, but don’t overdo it. Most girls enjoy when boys smell nice.
2
Try to make her comfortable. Be very respectful to her and avoid staring or making forward comments. Be respectful of her space, and don't try to get too close. Many girls have guys approaching them on the streets or on social media making inappropriate comments often. Do your best to avoid being one of these kinds of guys at all costs. A girl is unlikely to talk to you if she feels uncomfortable or if she feels that you only want her physically.^{[6]XResearch source}.
- For example, avoid saying things like “hey baby” or “nice butt” to her. She may think these comments are strange or offensive.
- Avoid using cheesy pickup lines or making comments about her body.
Though this girl may be wonderful, you must remember that she is also probably looking to connect and make friends with people, too. Before you approach her, take some time to think about all of the good aspects about you, as well. If you are a loyal friend or a kind person, show those qualities to the girl when you speak to her, without being cocky or bragging.
4
Go easy on yourself. Confidence comes from experience, you cannot fake it or if you do, you can only fake for so long. Be honest with yourself and about yourself.
- You are probably going to feel nervous to some extent. Accept it!
- Remember that she is just another person, do not put her on a pedestal or have any expectations when approaching her. Just be genuinely interested in what she has to say and let the conversation unfold as naturally as possible.
- Some ways that you can project confidence are to stand up straight and maintain eye contact with the girl.^{[7]XResearch source}
5
Speak assertively. When you do approach her, don’t stammer over your words or mumble, even if you are nervous. Speak calmly, assuredly, and with earnest behavior. Most girls like boys who are confident when they speak and find it easier to have conversations with them. If you act nervous, then it will trigger the opposite impression.
- Speak slightly louder than you normally would if you have been told that you are soft spoken.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Don’t overtalk her, either. Confidence is not about being the loudest or speaking the most. It might be best to let her do most of the talking. Try coming up with a list of open-ended questions to get her talking about herself. These are questions that do not have a simple yes and no answer. They invite elaboration. For example, you could ask her, “What do you like to do for fun?” or “How was your day?” This will help to show that you are a good listener and you can learn more about her in the process.
Don’t get caught up in thinking negatively about yourself or what could go wrong when you talk to her. Think positively and positive things will likely come to you. The girl will also likely feel this positivity from you and enjoy your spirit and personality. Most people don’t like hanging around people who are negative, so practice positivity before speaking to her.
7
Find the best time to talk. Often times, lunch period can provide a great time for conversation because this is allotted free time during your school day. However, there are other times that work well, too. For instance, in the beginning of the school day, there is some time that you could make to speak to her. After class is another great time.
- Speaking to her when she is around a large group of friends could be risky unless you are friends with some of them. Try to talk to her when she is alone or only with one or two friends.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Having a Conversation with the Girl

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1
Ask her about her day. After you have successfully began making small talk with her, you can now have an actual conversation. Ask her how her day is going to show that you are interested in her life. Most people enjoy talking about themselves, so she will likely welcome the opportunity and be flattered that you asked.
- You can approach her and say something like “Hey, how’s your day going so far?”
2
Make her laugh. Being funny can be a great way to get a conversation going with a girl.^{[9]XExpert SourceEddy Baller
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 7 February 2020.} There is an old adage that says that “the way to a woman’s heart is to make her laugh”. If you don’t know her, making her laugh might be difficult since you aren’t aware of her sense of humor. However, you can work on picking out little funny things about your school that she is likely to find funny.^{[10]XResearch source}.
- For instance, maybe your teacher does something that is funny to you like using the word “irregardless.” You could say something humorous like “I think it’s so funny how we have an English teacher who uses words that aren’t words!”
3
Find out more about her. Take some time when you talk to her to find out more about her as a person. If you don’t know her name, start there. If you don’t know what year she is, ask her if she’s the same year as you. She will gradually begin to open up and you can start asking more personal questions like “what do you like to do for fun?” or “what’s your favorite movie?”^{[11]XExpert SourceEddy Baller
Dating CoachExpert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- Talk about yourself some, as well, but don’t overdo it. You don’t want to dominate the conversation. You might say something like “I’m in the 7th grade, too” or “I got into college and I’m really excited about it.” She will likely ask some questions about you, as well. Aim to talk slightly less than you listen..
4
Pay her a small compliment. After establishing some rapport with her, you can pay her a small compliment. Don’t give compliments that are physical or that are overly detailed just yet. She may be put off by that and uncomfortable talking to you thereafter.
- You might say something like “you’re really good at soccer” or “I saw you stick up for your friend to that bully. You’re a really nice friend, it seems.”
5
Invite her to sit with you. If you have spoken with her several times, then you might try asking her to sit with you. For example, you can invite her to sit with you at lunch so you can talk some more. If she still wants to sit with her friends, don’t be pushy. You can try asking her again at a later time once you have had more conversations.
- She may be intimidated to sit with you if you sit with a lot of your guy friends, so tell her that you two can sit alone if she likes.
6
Ask for her number. The conversations with her don’t have to stop after this first real interaction. You can continue to speak to her after this, even when you are not at school. Ask her for her phone number and see if she’s okay with you calling or texting her sometimes.
- Ask her something like “I really have enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your number so I can call or text you sometime?”
- She may prefer to give you her social media information. You can talk to her that way, as well.
- Her parents may be strict and may not allow her to talk to boys. If so, be respectful. You can still talk to her at school.

Expert Q&A

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Question
How do you talk to a girl in school you don't know?
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Answer
Ask a girl questions about herself and talk about the things you have in common to keep your conversation going.
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How do I make her want me more?
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Answer
You make her want you more by liking yourself more. The more you like yourself, the more she will see that you are content with yourself and don't care if she is in your life or not. That makes you more attractive!
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Question
What do I do when me and a girl are being awkward and not talking?
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Answer
Depends on the situation. Sometimes it's best not to say anything. Sometimes just having some open ended questions can help get the conversation flowing naturally again.
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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of How.com.vn readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on How.com.vn, please submit it in the field below.

If you get nervous talking to her, try chatting about school-related topics first. Once she seems more comfortable, you can try making her laugh by saying or doing something silly (but not offensive).
At lunch, make sure to wipe your face often so you don't have food on it. You can even pop a mint afterwards so your breath stays fresh when talking to her.
If she smiles at you a lot but acts sort of mean sometimes, she may just have a "tough exterior" and actually be interested. Look for other subtle signs.
When working up the courage to talk to her, focus on her positive qualities and what you admire about her. Thinking this way can help calm your nerves.
Don't wait too long before making a move and asking her out. You don't want another guy to swoop in first while you're holding back. Just go for it!
If she's working in a group in class, use that as an opportunity to join the conversation. She'll likely engage with you too.

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