Download ArticleDownload ArticleX
This article was reviewed by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
This article has been viewed 32,794 times.
Anger is a funny thing. Often the people we lash out at are the people we care about the most. As painful as it is, sometimes we lose control and do things we don't want to do. This article will help you to stop shouting at your parents.
Steps
Download Article
Make reminders for yourself. Write out reminders to stop shouting and to remain calm where you will see them often. This can be an affirmation to deal with conflict constructively.- Put a note on your bathroom mirror or locker.
- Wear a special glove or bracelet to remind yourself.
- Set an alarm on your phone or watch for every hour or at times of day that are stressful. When your alarm goes off, remind yourself, "That was to remember to stop yelling. I'm not going to yell."
- Remind yourself verbally. Tell yourself that you respond to conflict calmly and with courtesy. Always use positive self-talk to boost the behavior you wish to use instead.
Tell someone of your desire to stop shouting. If you have someone you can trust, tell them about your goal. Be aware that telling someone won't work for everyone. For some people, the objective works best if it is a secret.- Don't tell someone if you think they will respond negatively.
- Pick the one person you know will understand and encourage you.
Advertisement
Make and use an exit strategy. If you feel a fight coming on, immediately leave the situation. This will give you the necessary space to calm down, cool off and think clearly about how to approach the matter in a calmer way, later.- If you can, tell the person you were going to fight with what is going on. Tell them that you need some time to yourself to calm down.
- If the fight is too far along to explain yourself, just leave. You can apologize later.
- Go somewhere safe.
- Calm down.
Apologize for things you've done wrong. Be responsible for your own words and actions. Apologizing is actually a really good learning tool, as you don't forget how it felt.- Apologize only when the other person has calmed down.
- Be brief and sincere.
- If they accept your apology, say thank you and move on to another topic.
- If they reject you, leave again. Apologize once more, at another time, but don't pester them with apologies. (No one likes to hear "I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...")
If you get caught up in a fight, it will be very hard to leave.- Tell yourself, "It's happening again. I have to go."
- Leave.
- Don't go back until you are calm and so are they.
- Don't worry that by backing down you have let them win. The winner is the one who leaves and recognizes that fighting is worthless.
Write down, at the end of the day, your perceptions and feelings about your fights.- Write down every fight, big or small.
- Why did you get angry?
- Why do you think they got angry?
- What could you have done differently?
- What could they have done differently?
- How long did the fight last?
- What did you fight about?
- How important was (is) the fight to you?
- Do you think you will continue this fight in the future?
Avoid using yelling as a communication strategy. If your parents are yelling at you, don't yell back. Stay calm and lead by calm example.- Wait until they are done talking (unless you are getting too angry; then leave immediately).
- Tell them calmly and softly that you don't like it when they yell at you.
- Tell them that since you are making an effort to change your ways, you expect them to do likewise.
- If all else fails, say, "You're upset right now. There's nothing I can do to change that. I'm going to go somewhere else. Come find me when you are calm." Then go away.
- Don't look back.
Seek help for any long-term inability to control anger. If your anger issues become too much of a problem, it may be time to seek professional help.
Don't beat yourself up about your issue. Everyone has something they struggle with. Tell yourself, "That was wrong. I'm going to try to fix it. And I won't do it again." Recognize that you are doing your best.
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
SubmitAdvertisement
Tips
- This will take a long time. Be patient.Thanks
- Challenge yourself to see how soon you can detect contention and leave.Thanks
- Don't hide in your room, fearing that you will get angry.Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
Warnings
- Do not hurt yourself or attempt suicide. If you have a desire to do so, report this immediately to someone who will help you get prompt medical assistance.Thanks
Advertisement
About This Article
Clinical Psychologist
This article was reviewed by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association. This article has been viewed 32,794 times.
Co-authors: 8
Updated: November 2, 2022
Views: 32,794
Categories: Dealing with Conflict with Parents
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 32,794 times.
Reader Success Stories
"I have really started yelling at my parents ever since I entered teenage years. This article has helped me a lot."
Did this article help you?
⚠️ Disclaimer:
Content from Wiki How English language website. Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License; additional terms may apply.
Wiki How does not encourage the violation of any laws, and cannot be responsible for any violations of such laws, should you link to this domain, or use, reproduce, or republish the information contained herein.
- - A few of these subjects are frequently censored by educational, governmental, corporate, parental and other filtering schemes.
- - Some articles may contain names, images, artworks or descriptions of events that some cultures restrict access to
- - Please note: Wiki How does not give you opinion about the law, or advice about medical. If you need specific advice (for example, medical, legal, financial or risk management), please seek a professional who is licensed or knowledgeable in that area.
- - Readers should not judge the importance of topics based on their coverage on Wiki How, nor think a topic is important just because it is the subject of a Wiki article.
Advertisement
