Role Playing With Your Spouse: Sexy Scenarios, Fulfilling Fantasies, & More

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Set the stage for fun and excitement using this simple guide

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Choosing Roles

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Establishing Boundaries

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Setting the Scene

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Playing Your Roles

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Video

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Q&A

Role playing with your partner is a great way to bring a little spark to your relationship and get you excited about your sex life again. It's natural to be a little nervous about the idea at first, but once you get into it, you could have a lot of fun! Communication and planning beforehand are essential so that once you get in the moment, you can keep things light. Keep reading for ideas on how to choose your roles and set boundaries for your scene so you can have a great time together.

Things You Should Know

Talk to your partner about each other’s fantasies. If the idea of talking about it face-to-face is too scary, you can always send them a text!
Some fun ideas include pretending you’ve never met, playing with power dynamics, or pretending to be your favorite fictional characters.
Create healthy boundaries by communicating honestly with your partner. If there’s something that makes either of you uncomfortable, don’t do it.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Choosing Roles

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1
Talk about your erotic fantasies with your partner. When you're lying in bed one night, ask your partner to share one of their favorite sexual fantasies. Then, you can share one of yours. This can be a great way to broach the subject of role playing, and sharing fantasies is an intimate bonding experience.
- For example, you might say, "I sometimes think about how hot it would be if we met up at a bar and pretended not to know each other. You could use your best pickup lines on me. Do you ever think about anything like that?"
- If the idea of talking about these things face-to-face makes you nervous, you might try texting them instead.
2
Pretend you've never met before. This one's pretty straightforward—arrange to meet each other at a local bar (preferably one you've never been to before). When you're both there, chat each other up like you've never met before, and let the night run its course.^{[1]XResearch source}
- If you're feeling really creative, you can make up a character complete with a backstory or even a fun accent. But don't be afraid to just be yourself!
3
Play with power dynamics by casting one partner as the authority figure. For a lot of people, power dynamics produce the hottest role play scenarios. Teacher and student is a common pairing, but you could also try doctor and patient or police officer and criminal—really any situation in which one of you is in a position of authority over the other.^{[2]XResearch source}
- The teacher and student role play might include a little erotic punishment, if you're into that sort of thing. Likewise, a police officer could make use of some handcuffs.
- If you and your partner typically gravitate toward particular roles, it might be fun to switch it up. For example, if you're normally the more dominant one, you might try a more submissive role and let your partner take the lead.^{[3]XResearch source}
4
Enjoy a classic role as a service provider. These stories are erotic staples and they're relatively easy to set up. Maybe you can be the plumber who comes to fix the sink, or your spouse can be a pizza delivery driver. The erotic scenario unfolds from there and you don't necessarily have to take on an entirely different personality to do one of these. Here are some potentially steamy ideas:^{[4]XResearch source}
- Barista and customer
- Food delivery driver and customer
- Plumber (or electrician, or gardener) and stay-at-home spouse
- Flight attendant and passenger
- Cooking show host and guest
5
Create your own spin on your favorite fictional characters. You could re-enact a sexy scene from one of your favorite movies or shoes, or create your own erotic coupling between two characters. Superheroes and spies are good choices here, but go with whatever gets your motor running.^{[5]XResearch source}
- You can also combine fictional characters with other role play scenarios. For example, you might like the barista and customer idea, but you want it to specifically be the coffee shop from the TV show "Friends."
- Costumes are great for fictional characters—even better if you already have something you could use, such as an old Halloween costume.
- Fan fiction is a great place to find inspiring ideas about erotic encounters between different characters.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Establishing Boundaries

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1
Discuss why the role you chose turns you on. Different scenarios turn different people on for different reasons. If you both know why you're attracted to a particular scenario, you'll know how to act to enhance the pleasure. This helps you ensure that your fantasy plays out the way you want.
- For example, if you're role playing student and teacher, you might be into a punishment scenario, or you might be into the eroticism of plaid skirts and forbidden affairs.
- You might say, "I'm really drawn to the barista/customer idea because when I worked in a café I always fantasized that one of my customers would hit on me."
2
Talk about things each of you aren't comfortable with doing during the scene. Talking about your boundaries is super important before you get into a role play scene—even if you and your partner have been together for years. Talk about things that will likely happen in the scenario and let your partner know what you are and aren't okay with ahead of time. Limits can involve things you do to each other as well as things you say to each other.^{[6]XResearch source}
- For example, you might be okay with your partner calling you names, but there are certain names that you're not okay with—just let them know what those are.
- Generally, hard limits are things that are absolutely off the table. Soft limits, on the other hand, are things you might be okay with in the right circumstances.
- Have an open, honest discussion so that both of you have a good idea of what to expect from your scene and what sorts of things you're allowed to say and do with each other.
- You might want to have this conversation over text, rather than face-to-face. It can be easier if you're nervous and can be more comforting to have everything in writing so you know that you're both on the same page.
3
Set a safe word either of you can use to end the scene. Safe words or gestures are important for both of you in case the scene gets out of hand. If you're no longer comfortable in the scene, you need to be able to say so—and you might not be able to do that if you're role playing.^{[7]XResearch source}
- This is especially important if your role play scene includes an element of resistance or reluctance. Using a normal word, such as "no" or "stop," might not work in that scenario.
- If you're not comfortable using a random word as a safe word, consider using the stop light method: green means you're good to go, yellow means to slow down, and red means to stop.
- Gestures are important if one of you is going to be gagged or otherwise unable to communicate verbally.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Setting the Scene

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1
Start with a simple scenario so there's less pressure to perform. A really elaborate scene that requires a lot of prep work can make the whole thing seem like a much bigger deal than it actually is. When it's your first time, remember that a little goes a long way. You'll have more of a payoff if your scene doesn't take you hours to put together.^{[8]XResearch source}
- For example, meeting at a bar and pretending you don't know each other doesn't really require any specific setup, other than maybe wearing clothes you wouldn't normally wear.
- Other simple scenarios to start out with include plumber and stay-at-home spouse, or delivery driver and homeowner.
- You also want to give yourselves room to amp things up later. Start off simple and you have less room for error. Then, based on your experience, you know what you can add to improve on it when you do it again.
2
Wear a costume to more easily get into your character. Your costume doesn't have to be elaborate and period-accurate. Sometimes, even a single item is all you really need to establish your character.^{[9]XResearch source}
- For example, if you're a barista, an apron and a visor might be all you need. If you're a plumber, electrician, or other handyman, you'll be good to go with a tool belt.
- You might also experiment with makeup or different hairstyles to get in character. Sometimes even a small change, such as parting your hair on the other side, can make you feel like someone else.
- It's okay if you share some of these things with your partner, but try to keep some of them a secret so your partner will be a bit surprised by your look. This works especially well if you're pretending you're strangers.
3
Use props to further establish your role. Depending on your character, a prop or two might be exactly what you need. Props can be something you use yourself or something you include to set the stage for the scene.^{[10]XResearch source}
- For example, if you're pretending to be a masseuse, candles and soothing music are props that could help set the scene for you.
- If you're playing a police officer, you might want a pair of handcuffs or even a toy gun.
4
Arrange for a suitable location to get your role play started. Location is important to set the mood. If you're limited to doing your scene at home, make sure there won't be any distractions during the scene (put your phone on silent or take the dog out just before time for the scene to start).^{[11]XResearch source}
- If you're pretending to be strangers, you might want to book a hotel room so you're not coming home to a place where you both live.
- If you're starting your scene in public (such as at a restaurant or bar) and ending it somewhere else, arrange for transportation and have everything ready so the scene flows seamlessly.
- If you have kids, have them sleep over with friends or family so you don't have to worry about them.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Playing Your Roles

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1
Act naturally rather than trying to be a completely different person. Your first time, it's usually best to stick to a simple character that's not too far away from who you are. That way, you don't have to worry too much about what your character would say or do. But if you're ready for a challenge, brainstorm some dialogue or ideas ahead of time that would really get your character going.^{[12]XResearch source}
- For example, if you're meeting your partner at a bar and pretending to be strangers, you might talk in an exaggerated Southern twang and pretend you're from Alabama.
- It might help to start getting into character an hour or two before the scene starts. For example, if you're portraying a TV character, you might watch a couple of episodes of their show.
2
Acknowledge awkward moments and move on. You're going to break character. Silly things will happen or one of you will utter a ridiculous line and you'll both laugh. Have fun with it and then continue on with your scene. Don't let little slip-ups ruin the experience.^{[13]XResearch source}
- It's natural to feel a bit silly when you're doing role play for the first time. Just accept that the silliness is a part of it. Once you both get going, you'll immerse yourself in your role.
- Remember that there's nothing wrong with laughing or breaking character or delivering a line poorly—that's all part of the fun of role play.
3
Communicate throughout the scene. When you're trying to act in a role, communication during the event can be a bit difficult—but that doesn't mean it's impossible. Think about ways you can tell your partner what they're doing right and what's not doing it for you while staying in character.^{[14]XResearch source}
- For example, if you're playing a student to your partner's teacher, you might say, "Oh, Professor! I love how strong your hands feel around my waist."
- Body language helps a lot here. You can move and gesture in ways that tell your partner you're enjoying yourself, even if you're not saying the words.
4
Take it slow and enjoy the build-up. Sometimes, the anticipation can be just as hot as the act itself. Don't rush into it! Enjoy the little moments as you feel the sexual tension build between you and your partner.^{[15]XResearch source}
- If you feel yourself rushing, you might do something intentionally to slow things down. For example, if you're playing as though you're picking each other up at a bar, you might intentionally disagree with your partner (in character, of course) to start a bit of a fake fight.
5
Talk about the scene together after it's over. After the scene, check in with each other about the scene. Tell your partner what you liked and didn't like and find out what their favorite parts were as well. Together, you can come up with ideas for things you might change when you do it again. You'll also build a strong connection as a couple.^{[16]XResearch source}
- For example, you might highlight a particular line that you liked—something that made you laugh or something that really turned you on.
- What you need after the scene might look different depending on what happened. You might want to take a long bath, or you might want to cuddle with your partner.

Community Q&A

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Question
I haven't been able to get him to role play rough with me. How do I get him to do that without freaking him out?
Community Answer
Start by easing him into it. Tell him that this is one of your fantasies and you would like to try it with him. For example, you could ask him to spank you and then see where it goes from there. Be open and honest with him.
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Question
How do you get over the nervousness?
Community Answer
Nerves are very common because most people feel vulnerable even when they are acting as themselves during intimate moments. Try role playing with a scenario that is familiar to you. This way the "acting" won't be as difficult. If you break character that is fine, just move past it and keep going. The nerves will eventually leave.
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Question
What if a women wants to make love to her hubby outside and wants him to undress her but she is insecure about her body and he isn't into making love outside even if people cant see what they do?
Community Answer
Ask your wife what it is about making love outside that turns her on? Perhaps it is the idea of possibly being watched or getting caught? If this is the case, you could try another semi-public space that is not outdoors, for example, a car. Alternatively, you could try a place that feels like the outdoors, but is actually inside. For example, a screened in porch, or tent.
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