Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Julianne Cantarella and by How.com.vn staff writer, Hannah Madden. Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.”
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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You’re lying in bed, about to head off to dreamland, when your phone buzzes with a late night text. But why is your potential date sending you messages so late at night? And how, exactly, should you respond? In this article, we’ll go over the reasons why someone might send a late night text and the responses you can choose from.
Steps
What does a late night text mean?
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It could mean that the person texting you is thinking about you. Maybe the person was trying to fall asleep, and you kept popping into their mind. If that’s the case, they’ll probably text you something innocent, and it can be a fun way to start some late night flirting with the person you like.- If the text is innocent, like, “Hey, thinking about you,” or, “Can’t sleep. What are you up to?” then it’s probably not a booty call.
It could mean they want to hook up. People typically text others after dark when they’re looking to hook up. If you want a strictly sexual relationship with this person, go for it! But, if you’re looking for something more serious, a late night text might be a red flag.[1]- If the text says anything like, “You up?” “Wyd?” or, “Come over?” then it’s most likely a booty call.
Should I respond to a late night text?
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If you're down for some late-night chatting or flirting, go for it! If the person texting you really does just want to chat, go for it! You can text them back and talk about how you can’t sleep, either. Ask them what they’re doing up, how their day was, and what they hope to dream about. This is a fun way to grow closer together, and it can keep you occupied until you fall asleep.- For instance, if they text you, “Hey, I can’t sleep.” You might say, “Weird, me neither. Maybe we’re both thinking about each other too much.”
- Or, if they say, “Hey, just thinking about you,” you might say, “Wow, you read my mind. Is that why you aren’t asleep yet?”
If you're not interested in hooking up and you think it's a booty call, don't respond. Accepting a booty call can make the other person think you don’t want a serious relationship.[2] By ignoring the message, you’re telling the person that you’re not down to do anything—and that’s totally fine. Simply ignore the message and continue on with your night.[3]- Unfortunately, responding to a booty call can sometimes blur the lines between friendship and committed relationship. This often leads to a “situationship,” where you’re hooking up with someone, but you’re not really sure what your label is.[4]
How to Say No to a Booty Call
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“Hey, it’s really late.” Let this person know that they probably shouldn’t have texted you this late at night. By sending this message, you can signal to them that their message isn’t well-received, without being rude or causing offense.
“Sorry, I’m sleeping.” If you get woken up, try this message. They’ll probably text back something like, “Oh, my bad.” Then, you can fall back asleep and not worry about replying.- This is also kind of a cheeky way to let someone know that they shouldn’t text you so late at night.
“If you’re looking for a booty call, I’m not it.” If you want to have a relationship with this person, tell them that a booty call isn’t appreciated. It’s totally valid for you to want to get to know them more before doing anything sexual, so just let them know. Hopefully, they’ll be understanding.[5]
How to Say Yes to a Booty Call
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“What are you doing up so late at night?” This is a cheeky, flirty way to let someone know that you’re still up. Then, you can get into some more witty banter before they invite you over to their place (or vice versa).
“Want to come over?” If you feel like hosting your booty call, you can cut straight to the chase. Ask them if they’d like to head over to yours, then send them your address. There’s no time to waste when it’s so late at night![6]
“Send me your address.” If you want to head over to theirs, get their location quickly. That way, you can figure out how you’re going to get there (driving? Uber?) and also if it’s worth the trek (if they live an hour away… maybe not). Either way, getting their address is the first step toward accepting a booty call.
Expert Q&A
Video
Tips
- If you do decide to accept a booty call, make sure you’re being safe! Text a friend where you’re going and who you’re with in case anything happens.Thanks
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about texting etiquette, check out our in-depth interview with Julianne Cantarella.
References
- ↑ https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/what-do-i-need-to-know-about-hooking-up/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201902/the-surprising-psychology-behind-booty-calls
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/texting-dos-and-donts-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/are-you-situationship-what-it-how-get-out-it-ncna1057141
- ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a29857787/booty-call-stages-types/
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