How to Avoid Miscommunication

Miscommunications can be funny, frustrating, or upsetting. If you want to decrease miscommunications, speak clearly and remove your assumptions. Check in with the person to make sure you’re understood. When communicating electronically, be clear, concise, and informative. Being a good listener can help avoid miscommunications, too. When you put some effort into your conversations, you can lower your risk of miscommunicating.

Part 1

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Using Clear Communication

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1
Think before you speak. Thinking about your words allows you to organize your thoughts and prepare to say something meaningful. Especially if you’re about to have an important conversation, make sure your words are organized so that you can say what you mean.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Remember that your attitude and tone can communicate quite a lot. Keep your focus narrow and try not to get off topic.
- If you have trouble saying what you want to say, write down some bullet points to make sure you cover all you want to say.
- Take an intentional pause before speaking. Very often the instinct is to hurl headlong into a discussion. But purposefully putting in pauses and taking a moment to compose your thoughts before speaking will make it more likely your communication is clear, and your audience ready to listen.
2
Get their attention. Having a person's attention means making sure they are listening and understanding the words you say. Make eye contact and check in to make sure they are listening. If the other person is distracted or in the middle of doing something else, either get their attention or try another time. If they seem distracted by other things, ask for their attention by saying, “I need to make sure you understand this” or, “I’d appreciate your full attention.”^{[2]XResearch source}
- If the person seems distracted, say that you’ll talk later when they are more available.
- For example, if you need to talk to someone yet they’re in the middle of something, let them know that you need to talk and want their attention.
- Avoid calling out or yelling at people to get attention--go up to them and speak face to face whenever possible.
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3
Check your assumptions. You might assume that people understand what you’re saying or asking them to do. However, clarify anything that the person might be unsure about. For example, if you’re giving directions, clarify anything the person might need to do as prep-work. You may over- or under-estimate the amount of knowledge or ability someone has, so it’s best to ask.^{[3]XResearch source}
- This is especially true if you’re talking to someone from a different culture than yourself. You might assume they understand slang or other speech, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. If someone looks confused, try explaining it better.
4
Be courteous. Being courteous in your communication means being open, honest, and kind.^{[4]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.} You don’t say anything that might be passive-aggressive, sarcastic, or jabbing toward or about the person you’re talking to. Focus on being friendly and saying what you mean in a way that’s easily understood. If you're interrupting other people, being rude, and disrespectful, you will not communicate effectively.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Sarcasm can be easily misunderstood. While it may be meant to be humorous, saying the opposite of what you really mean can lead to misunderstandings. People may be confused to what you actually mean. Sarcasm can also inadvertently become mean.
5
Check for understanding.^{[6]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Check in with the person to make sure they have understood you. This can be as simple as saying, “Does that make sense?” or, “Do you have any questions?” This gives them the opportunity to voice any concerns or problems they have.^{[7]XResearch source}
- This can help people feel comfortable to ask questions or seek clarification.
- If you’re giving directions, ask them to be repeated back to you to ensure understanding.
- In some circumstances, it is appropriate to give a quick summary.
  - For example: "So I just want to be clear: We're going to address the Garcia account first, then we will do a quick meeting on how to problem solve the communication issues. Got it?"
6
Follow up. Follow-up with the person you’re communicating with to make sure you communicated clearly. For example, if you sent an email, send another asking, “How is everything going? Do you have any questions?” if you spoke to someone, ask them a day or two later, “Just checking in. Everything okay?”^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- If you think you may have miscommunicated, use this time to communicate clearly and clear anything that may be confusing.

Part 2

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Being a Good Listener

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Much of communication is nonverbal. Pay attention; it can be very important. Maintain eye contact and notice any changes in your eye contact or the other person’s eye contact. Notice a person’s posture and facial expressions and see if there are any inconsistencies. If you do notice differences, ask a question again or seek clarification.^{[9]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
2
Listen closely. Give your full attention when someone is speaking.^{[10]XExpert SourceKelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
PsychotherapistExpert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Many people try to think about what they will say next, but stay engaged with the person who is speaking. People appreciate feeling heard and understood, and one of the best ways to do this is through actively listening. Turn your body toward them and lean in. Don’t turn to distractions (like cell phones) and stay present with the person.^{[11]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Don’t just hear the words the person is saying, listen for information and how they are communicating. For example, the person’s voice might change when talking about something emotional or when they feel uncomfortable.
3
Avoid interrupting. If someone else is speaking, do your best not to interrupt them. Let them complete their thoughts before adding to them or saying something else. This shows that you’re listening and care about what they are saying. If you tend to interrupt people often, they may feel frustrated in talking to you and may not communicate all they wish to say.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Letting someone complete their thoughts means that you’re fully listening and are not preoccupied with your own words. This way, they will feel more comfortable in sharing everything and won’t miss something they meant to say because the conversation got sidetracked.
4
Ask questions. If anything is unclear or if there is anything that you do not quite understand, then make sure to ask a question about it. Try saying something like, "Would you mind clarifying what you mean by ___?" or "I'm not sure I understand ___. Can you elaborate?"^{[13]XResearch source}
- If the person is still talking and you don't want to interrupt them, jot the question down so that you do not forget to ask them about it.

Part 3

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Communicating Electronically

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1
Organize information. If you're trying to communicate information, you need to be sure the information gets to the person effectively. For example, if you're planning an event, you need to give important details: place, time, and what people need to bring. Spell out any directions or steps people need to take and make sure the information is clear.
- Before you send the information or invitation, check to make sure it has all the information necessary.
2
Use fewer words. When communicating through texts or emails, get to the point. A lengthy or wordy email can convolute what you’re trying to say. For example, if you’re making a request of something, get right to it and make your request. You might say why you need the request done, but don’t go on and on. Simply state what you need and end the email shortly after.^{[14]XTrustworthy SourceUniversity of North Carolina Writing CenterUNC's on-campus and online instructional service that provides assistance to students, faculty, and others during the writing processGo to source}
- If you tend to write lengthy emails or texts, people will likely skim them instead of reading them thoroughly. If you can’t get away from your long letters, consider putting the most important things at the top.
- Keep in mind that emails do not give such social cues as facial expressions and tone of voice. Therefore, use clear language and avoid sarcasm.
  - Emojis are useful in social emails, but in most businesses emails are not appropriate.
3
Focus on one topic. Keep the message as simple as possible. Don't ramble or go on to a lot of extra details, and avoid addressing several topics in one email. It’s best to focus on one item or topic at a time instead of lots of things in one email. If you have several things to address, talk about one at a time per email. That way, the person can delete each email as they address each topic and not forget to do something or address something.^{[15]XTrustworthy SourcePurdue Online Writing LabTrusted resource for writing and citation guidelinesGo to source}
- If you insist on addressing several topics at once, delineate them clearly. Use bullet-points or other organization to help clarify the content.
While it’s okay to start your emails with, “How are you?” or another pleasantry, don’t spend too much time talking about something unrelated from what you want. Zero in on your request or information you want to share with the person. Don’t dance around it or provide a lengthy lead-up. Instead, get to the point of what you want to or have to say.^{[16]XTrustworthy SourcePurdue Online Writing LabTrusted resource for writing and citation guidelinesGo to source}

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What is the best way to avoid miscommunication?
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Answer
You should always try to stay open and honest with the other person so your words don't come across as confusing.
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Be sure you don't use sarcasm in chat, instant messaging, or e-mails without emoticons. Sarcasm often does not communicate well through text, so best to do it in person instead.
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