How to Give a Lap Dance: 23 Sexy Tips

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Rock your partner’s world and leave him wanting more

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Setting the Mood

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Performing the Lap Dance

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Trying Different Techniques

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Video

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

What better way to spice things up in the bedroom with your boyfriend or hubby than with a sexy lap dance? If you're not really sure what you're doing though, don't worry. Performing a sexy, erotic lap dance that your partner will love is actually way easier than you'd think, and as long as you’re having fun, your S.O. is sure to be impressed. Try out some of the moves below, and your partner will be begging for more.

Things You Should Know

Wear a couple of layers to take off while you dance. Pick out clothes that make you feel sexy and confident at the same time.
Sit your partner down on a chair, then play a sultry, seductive song that you’ll love dancing to.
Walk toward your partner while dancing slowly, then sit on his lap and grind on him.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Setting the Mood

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1
Give your partner some flirty rules to follow. You are in charge. Take your time, take control, and take pleasure in teasing them. Remind your partner of these rules:
- At no point during your entire performance is your partner allowed to touch you. You can touch, lick, rub and caress him all you want. A slow seduction is a sure recipe for lap dancing success. The whole point of a lap dance is to drive your partner crazy with anticipation and desire.
- If they reach out in your direction or start to grind back, slap their wrist and let them know that if they do it again, the dance is over, no exceptions.
2
Accept and enjoy yourself regardless of your shape or size. You won’t look sexy if you don’t feel sexy! Accept and enjoy yourself regardless of your shape or size. Remember that you’re beautiful, and your partner is totally lucky to have you putting on personal show for them! This is your time to be seductive, to nurture and release your sensual spirit. Drop your inhibitions and throw caution to the wind.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Feeling a little nervous still? Build your confidence by practicing your dance moves ahead of time in the mirror. Once you know how good you look, you’ll feel much more comfortable dancing for your partner.
3
Choose an outfit that makes you feel confident. There’s a wide variety to choose from. From erotic dance-wear to bras, panties, garter-belts, stockings, chemises, robes, teddies, swimsuits, club-wear, fetish-wear, oversized button-up shirts, and so much more. The key is to build up a collection of layers that are easy to remove. Don’t be afraid to show some skin.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Underwear: these items will be the last to come off. You might try a sexy bra, g-string, stockings, and perhaps suspenders.
  - Or, try full bottomed panties, thongs, g-strings and booty shorts to see which works best for you.
  - Add sex appeal to any outfit with thigh-high stockings, worn with or without garters. If you plan to keep your stockings and garter on for the duration of your dance, wear your panties on the outside of the straps so that they can be removed without having to unhook your garters.
- Top layers: try a pair of hot pants, an innocent sheer robe, sexy teacher/student uniform, a dominatrix outfit, or a classic red or black evening dress with some retro lingerie underneath.
- Shoes: high heels and stilettos usually work best with any outfit. They make your legs look toned, sleek, and longer. Even if they’re slightly uncomfortable, give them a try because you won’t be wearing them for long anyway.
- Pro tip: A shirt with buttons can also be a very sexy item of clothing to remove. Play peek-a-boob with each side. When you’ve undone the last button, turn around posing at an angle, expose your one shoulder then the other and then let it slip down to the floor.
- Tight trousers or jeans can be difficult to remove. A pencil skirt can easily be unzipped and pushed down. Do this while bending forward with your back or side to him and then step out of it.
4
Select sensual songs that you both enjoy. Think smooth and seductive. Avoid songs with high pitched vocals or fast beats. The crooners and divas of the 60s are a good place to start if you want something romantic. A sensual rhythm or beat will guide you through your dance. It's best if you can relate to the music and feel comfortable moving to its beat. Start by setting aside 2 or 3 songs.^{[3]XResearch source} Try songs like “Love to Love You Baby,” “Pony,” or “Hotter than Hell.”
- Song one is for the warm-up. This is your time to lead your partner to the chair, strut about, pose, explain the rules to your lover, and begin to slowly ease into your seductive performance.
- Don't feel pressured to start at the beginning of the song. Take your time, start when you're ready, walk around your lover, touch him, drag your fingers through his hair and feel the beat.
- By setting aside a selection of 2 or 3 songs, you won't feel pressured to rush because the song is coming to an end.
5
Dim the lights and add some candles. Mix candlelight with floor lamps or fairy lights. Candlelight adds a soft, warm glow to your body. Indirect lighting is both flattering and more intimate. Avoid fluorescent or white LED lights.^{[4]XResearch source}
- Make sure your room temperature is comfortable—feeling too cold or too hot will distract you.
- Turn off all possible distractions, like the TV or a ringing phone.
6
Send your partner a seductive text to get him ready for later. The invitation will set his mind alight and prolong the torture across an entire day. Alternatively, spring it on him as a surprise if you don’t want him to anticipate what’s going to happen.
- Send something like, “I’ve got a special surprise for you at home. Come in and sit down in the living room. I’ll be waiting.”
7
Sit your partner in a comfortable chair. Pick one with or without armrests that can accommodate both of you. Make sure it’s comfortable so that your partner won’t have to shift or adjust while you dance.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Check that the chair your lover will be sitting on can accommodate the both of you. Sit on it and imagine yourself in his position and then you on his lap.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Performing the Lap Dance

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1
Take your time. For beginners, you may want to start out by taking your time, work your way into a seductive groove. Close your eyes, feel the music, enter the trance and begin to sway. Dance on your feet and on the floor. These may be things you’ve never done before. Try sliding down a wall and then back up. Walk around on the tips of your toes. As long as you feel confident and enjoy what you’re doing, your partner will love it!
- On the floor, try opening and closing your legs or leaning your knees from one side to the other. Experiment with different angles. Sit on a chair. Caress your thighs, your neck, your belly, your feet. Close your legs and then open them using your hands to part your thighs.
- If you feel uncomfortable dancing, think of your performance as a slow aerobics session. Stretch, bend, split. Use your hands, stretch them out to the sides, and stroke your outstretched arm with the tips of your fingers. If you’ve practiced martial arts, yoga or Pilates, modify the poses that you’re familiar with to create your very own sexy moves.
Your expression will reflect those sexy thoughts you have in mind and intensify the sexual tension in the air. Look at your body, touch it, enjoy it and then look at your lover drawing his eyes to yours and to your body. Maintain eye contact at all times. If your back is turned to your partner, glance over your shoulder with a seductive smile on your face.
3
Use accessories to tease your partner. Use a blindfold to help keep your lover's senses alert. You could also use a soft feather to brush up against your lover’s body or yours. Sit on a chair and while holding your body upright and tall, slide your feet and legs apart and slowly brush yourself from your neck to the inside of your thigh. Tease him with a shawl or a silky wrap or use it to cover up if you feel more comfortable being a little less exposed.
- If you’re wearing a button up shirt, consider also wearing a tie. Loop it around his neck to pull him closer to your face or cleavage or tie his hands up with it if he breaks the no touching rule.
- If you’re the kind of person that likes to be naughty, have your favorite toy at hand for your pleasure and his torture.
- Use your hair. While standing up, kneeling, or sitting, stretch your torso while you pull your hair up and let it fall again. Use it to brush up against him.
4
Start the music and lead your lover to the chair. Have him sit with his legs closed. Start by staring him straight in the eye with a teasing smile on your face. Walk around your lover, touch him, drag your fingers through his hair and feel the beat. Strut about, pose, and explain the rules to your lover. Begin to slowly ease into your seductive performance.
- “I’m going to give you the best lap dance of your life. All you have to do is sit there and watch. And remember, no touching, okay?”
Run your fingers through your hair, down your neck, your chest then down to your hips and around your butt. As you move your hands across your body imagine your hands are his hands. Enjoy the touch of your (his) hands on your body. Keeping your hands in contact with your body, let them ride up your sides and back towards the nape of your neck. Look him in the eye and try a slow and gentle head roll (head falls forward and then rolls back up), letting your hair fall at the same time.
6
Do a few hip circles. Move towards him so your crotch is almost against his knee, then lean in like you're going to kiss him. Pause for just long enough so he can smell your perfume, then pull away.
- Keep a seductive smile on your face the entire time. This will help him feel teased and aroused.
Begin moving your hips to the music in a soft circular motion. Close your eyes for a few seconds and enjoy the moment. There's no-one around, just you and your lover. Take your time, then, slowly step towards your partner, one foot in front of the other, cat-walk style.
8
Sit backwards on his lap and grind. Turn around and position yourself between your lover’s legs. Bend down to sit on his lap and grind your bottom slowly (and gently) into his lap.
- If you want to, grab his hands and move them up and down your body.
Move away, then take off an item of clothing. Seductively and gradually remove another item or two of clothing (perhaps your skirt or hot-pants) then move back towards your partner again. Get so close you'll practically be sitting on your lover's lap. Sensually lean in towards your lover's ear breathing your hot breath over it, let out a soft aching moan. Softly nibble or brush against his neck, breathing your lover in as if you were getting high off his scent.^{[6]XResearch source}
Keep eye contact and keep caressing yourself from different angles and perspectives. Move into the crawl and then mount him again for another grinding session.^{[7]XResearch source}
11
Keep moving while caressing your body. Move away for brief moments. Remember that eye contact is very important. Let your eyes transmit all those sexy thoughts and don’t forget to smile. Your partner is sure to love anything that you do as long as you feel good doing it.
- Use your surroundings. Lean your back against a wall and writhe, or slide down into a squat and up again. Use a spare chair. Straddle it backwards or sit in it sideways to remove your stockings with pointed feet in the air, one at a time.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Trying Different Techniques

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If you’re feeling a little bit naughty and cruel, move back towards him like you’re about to take him with all the passion you can muster but instead lean over him, kiss him on the cheek, move back and gracefully put your clothes back on. Then move on to another part of the house or go for a walk.
2
Practice different routines to different songs. Try it a few times with different outfits, routines and music and you’ll soon become an expert in the sexiest dance of all. The possibilities are endless and the results are always great.
- The key to a successful strip tease is in the layering of your clothes and how you remove them one layer at a time.
He'll love how much of a tease you are. Although you should go as naked as you're comfortable with, you don't need to take it all off to have him going wild for you. It's better to remove a few layers confidently and leave the rest to his imagination than to end off feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

Expert Q&A

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Question
How do I get better at rolling my hips when I dance?
William Orrock
Professional Dancer & Instructor
William Orrock is a Professional Dancer, Instructor, Group Fitness Instructor, and the Owner of We Evolve Dance. With more than 22 years of experience, he specializes in performance, social dancing instruction, competitive dance preparation, and wedding choreography. William holds a Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Dance with a minor in Choreography from Universidad Las Americas-Chile and a second minor in Acting from Foothill College Acting Conservatory. He is also a national champion in Latin American Dancing, a former dancer for Dancing with the Stars Chile, and a certified judge for ballroom competitions.
William Orrock
Professional Dancer & Instructor
Expert Answer
You can get better at rolling the hips by practicing slowly making a "figure 8" with your pelvis. When you roll your hips, focus on moving them side to side. Stick to swinging your hips in rotations that are between the width of your shoulders. Also remember to tilt your pelvis forward and backward to get a better feeling for all the different directions that your hips can move in.
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How do I choose the right songs for my dance routine?
William Orrock
Professional Dancer & Instructor
William Orrock is a Professional Dancer, Instructor, Group Fitness Instructor, and the Owner of We Evolve Dance. With more than 22 years of experience, he specializes in performance, social dancing instruction, competitive dance preparation, and wedding choreography. William holds a Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Dance with a minor in Choreography from Universidad Las Americas-Chile and a second minor in Acting from Foothill College Acting Conservatory. He is also a national champion in Latin American Dancing, a former dancer for Dancing with the Stars Chile, and a certified judge for ballroom competitions.
William Orrock
Professional Dancer & Instructor
Expert Answer
Think about songs that are meaningful to you and your partner. Remember—these songs don't have to be popular hits. Just focus on what stirs your heart and brings up good memories. It's also a wonderful idea to choose songs that help you "feel the rhythm" and that you feel confident about dancing to.
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Question
What if I get so overwhelmed with a touch from him that I let him keep doing it?
Community Answer
If you want him to touch you more, let him. If you feel uncomfortable, tell him to stop.
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Tips

Imagine your hands are his hands. Touch yourself where he would like to touch you.
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Throughout your routine think about where your hips are. They are the base of every movement, every gesture, and every suggestion. Keep them moving.
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As you move your hips side to side, put your arms up in the air and cross your wrists. It will push out your chest and it’s a great stretch.
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