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This article was co-authored by Mary Church, PhD. Dr. Mary Church is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Honolulu, Hawaii. With over a decade of clinical experience, she aims to integrate evolution, genetics, and neuroscience within the practice of psychotherapy. Dr. Church holds a BS in Psychology from Eckerd College and an MS and PhD in Experimental Psychology from The University of Memphis. She completed a Post-Doctorate in Clinical Psychology at The University of Hawaii at Manoa. In addition, Dr. Church is a member of the American Evaluation Association and Hawaii-Pacific Evaluation Association.
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Everybody wants a healthy relationship with their dad. When your dad is happy with you, you’ll get the best treatment from him and most likely be happy too.[1] It can be difficult pleasing your dad but it’s important to do so for a healthy family. By focusing on the way you interact with your dad and the things you do in life, you can achieve a happy family relationship.
Steps
Spend time with him. It can be difficult to spend time with your dad, especially during school days as your schedule is busy and your dad is at work. Making that extra effort to spend time with him and share your opinions and thoughts will strengthen the bond between you. Try to have at least one meal with him in a day. This can be a great time to talk and discuss the events of the day, anything that you’re worried about or anything that’s important.[2] If your dad shares things too, show him you were listening by asking him about it later.- Learn about his life. Take time to ask your dad about his youth, his dreams, his career, his favourite memories. These are stories to cherish as you grow older. They might also help you understand his values.
- Listen to him and be genuinely curious. Listening shows you care and helps you connect with your dad more.
Ask him for advice. Consider asking your dad for advice on school work or friendships or matters of finance if you have or are seeking a job. This will show him his opinion matters. Even if your dad doesn’t have experience with a certain situation, he can still give you advice on how to approach it or where you can best learn how to approach it.Advertisement
Show affection. Show your dad that you love him. Speak to him in caring words, in a warm tone of voice, or show him affection through hugs and kisses. Some dads don’t like being too affectionate and even you might find it strange to be physically affectionate. Know that caring human touch is a basic need.[3]- Sometimes boys especially tend to shy away from showing affection to their parents.[4] Try to find a level that you’re comfortable with. You don’t have to hug your dad in public if you don’t like to.
Implement his values. Make a list of what you think are your dad’s values. Think of phrases your dad repeatedly says, such as, ‘Always tell the truth,’ or, ‘Try to do to your best’. These indicate the values he’s teaching (honesty and hard work, in these two examples). It might be that your dad doesn’t say these things all the time but once sat you down for a talk about these principles. Think of the way he lives his life. Notice if he does his best to be punctual or if he’s always well-dressed. Try to live your life by these principles.- You don’t have to agree with everything your dad says or does. Think about values that will affect your life in a positive way and try to implement those. If your dad has a way of doing something that you don’t agree with, discuss it with him. Maybe together, you can think of ways to help him change that.
Respect him even if you disagree. It can be difficult not to answer back, especially if you don’t agree with something your dad is saying or if he’s not granting you permission for something you desperately want. Exercise some self-discipline and wait to have a discussion when you’re calm. If you’re feeling angry, take slow, deep breaths to help you calm down. If you can, sit down and have a drink of cool water. This should help you calm down.- Always seek to understand your dad’s point of view. He may have a valid reason for not allowing you to do something or for thinking a different way. What you may see as a restriction may be his way of protection.
- If your dad is upset, try to think of other reasons that he could be upset. Is he tired? Did he have a long day at work? Is he stressed out about something? He may not be upset because of you.
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Do your chores. Think of the things that your dad is always asking you to do around the house. Think of the chores that are your responsibility. Be sure to do them. If you don’t like doing chores because you find them boring or difficult, ask your dad for tips on how to do them. Perhaps he can help you think of new ways of doing them.- Asking him for his advice will also show him that you value his opinion.[5] Once your dad gives you advice, follow it. He might find it disrespectful if you ask how to do something then do something your own way.
- Don’t give your dad an opportunity to ask you why you haven’t done your chores. Stay on top of them by creating a schedule. Try setting a repeated alarm on your phone that lets you know when it’s time to do a certain chore, until you get into the habit of doing it on time.
Take initiative. Notice things that need to be done around the house that no one has asked or expects you to do. Do it as a surprise for your dad. Try to think of things that have piled up for months that no one gets around to doing. Think of your dad’s routine. For example, if he likes to have a cup of coffee before going to work, make one for him from time to time. You’ll be showing him that you’re thoughtful.- Be considerate of other people living in your home. Especially when using places like the living room and kitchen, don’t leave a mess behind for someone else to clean up.
Keep your room tidy. Messy rooms are a common complaint among parents.[6] Even if you don’t share your room and it’s your space, show your dad that you can shoulder the responsibility of taking care of what’s yours by keeping it neat and tidy.- Keep your closet tidy by folding/hanging up your clothes. Put dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Make your bed in the mornings as soon as you’re up.
- If you want to decorate your room with things like posters, try to make sure that they are things that you would not be embarrassed about if your dad were to come into the room.
Use the internet and your phone responsibly. This is especially important if your dad is the one paying for your phone bills and the internet connection. Access to the internet and your phone is a privilege, not your right. You have to show your dad that you respect the amount of money he’s paying for you and also the values he has taught you.- Discuss the boundaries of using electronics with your dad. Follow any guidelines he gives you such as how late you’re allowed to stay up using the computer or what sort of things you can post online.
- Avoid using electronics at the dinner table to show respect for your dad and the rest of your family. This will show that you care about your time together.
Take care of your siblings. Give your dad a peaceful, comfortable and warm environment to come home to. Try your hardest to get along with your siblings. Don’t bully your younger ones and don’t annoy your older ones. Help them with any homework they might not understand or any problem they might be going through. Do fun things together. If you are old enough to drive and have a car, offer to help your dad by taking your siblings where they need to go.- It’s natural to fight occasionally with your siblings but try your hardest to get along with them.
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Study well. Show your father you want to succeed in life by performing well at school. Endeavor to complete all your assignments on time and to the best of your ability. If there’s something you don’t understand, ask your teachers to explain again, provide further resources for learning or ask a friend to explain it to you.- Develop a study schedule. Make an estimate of how long your homework will take and plan your afternoon and evenings around it. Include revision and breaks in your schedule.
- Plan study sessions with 45 minutes full studying then a 10-minute break. Keep your phone off to help you focus only on the study material while you work. Avoid any other distractions that you know will come up. Experiment with different studying techniques until you find your own learning style.
- Find a quiet room in your house to study. Make sure you have your own space to do it.
- Organize your folders and stationery. Keep files of your subjects. Make sure you write your name and the date on all assignments to help you know which order they should go in.
Get along with your teachers. Try to build a good reputation for yourself. Always be polite to your teachers and show them you’re keen on learning well by participating in class. Sometimes it can be difficult to be polite when you don’t like a teacher or if your friends tend to act up in class.[7] Set a good example by being well-mannered. Your dad will be proud of you when he hears your teachers praising you.- This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything your teacher does. If a teacher is being a bully or if you’re concerned about their behavior toward you or anyone else in class, raise the issue with your school principal. Be sure to tell your parents so that they are also up to date with your life.
Take part in extracurricular activities (ECAs). Doing well at school is about more than academics. Participating in ECAs so will help you develop into a well-rounded individual: you will learn valuable life skills like discipline, leadership, teamwork, time management, analytical skills, social skills and organization all while having fun in an activity you’re interested in.[8] These are all skills you need to succeed in life. All parents want to see their children succeed in life.[9]- ECAs also boost your college applications and resume/CV as they show you have a range of interests and values that the college or employer will be looking for.
Make good friends. Show your dad that you’re a good judge of character. Befriend people who you see do well in school. Look for those that have a good reputation with others and their teachers and who perform highly in class and whom you think have good character and stay out of trouble. You might learn from them and being friends with them might help keep you out of trouble too.[10] If you like, you can form study groups with them.- Never do anything just because your friends are doing them. Think your actions through. If you’re having trouble with peer pressure, talk to your dad about it or speak to a school counsellor.
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Expert Q&A
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- QuestionWhat can I do to cheer up my dad?
Mary Church, PhDDr. Mary Church is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Honolulu, Hawaii. With over a decade of clinical experience, she aims to integrate evolution, genetics, and neuroscience within the practice of psychotherapy. Dr. Church holds a BS in Psychology from Eckerd College and an MS and PhD in Experimental Psychology from The University of Memphis. She completed a Post-Doctorate in Clinical Psychology at The University of Hawaii at Manoa. In addition, Dr. Church is a member of the American Evaluation Association and Hawaii-Pacific Evaluation Association.
Clinical PsychologistTry to spend time doing an activity with him that he likes to show that you want to bond with him. - QuestionHow do I make sure I don't upset my dad?
Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorFind out what upsets him specifically and avoid doing those things. You can ask him directly, observe for yourself, or ask others that know him well enough to help determine what upsets him. Recognize that some things that upset him will be out of your control so don't take it personally. - QuestionHow do I get my mom and dad to love each other?Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorYou need to first realize that you are not responsible for their relationship and that none of it is your fault. Sometimes parents just fall out of love for many reasons that have nothing to do with you.
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Tips
- Instead of just giving a gift, making the extra effort to celebrate your dad's birthday could be a great way to make him happy.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.pamf.org/teen/abc/types/family.html
- ↑ Mary Church, PhD. Research & Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201211/adolescence-and-physical-affection-parents
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201211/adolescence-and-physical-affection-parents
- ↑ http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/asking-advice-makes-a-good-impression1/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201311/better-or-worse-siblings-shape-our-close-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/age-un-innocence/201403/appearance-and-peer-pressure
- ↑ http://dc.cod.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1370&context=essai
- ↑ http://www.whatkidscando.org/specialcollections/advice_for_parents/index.html
About This Article
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Mary Church, PhD. Dr. Mary Church is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Honolulu, Hawaii. With over a decade of clinical experience, she aims to integrate evolution, genetics, and neuroscience within the practice of psychotherapy. Dr. Church holds a BS in Psychology from Eckerd College and an MS and PhD in Experimental Psychology from The University of Memphis. She completed a Post-Doctorate in Clinical Psychology at The University of Hawaii at Manoa. In addition, Dr. Church is a member of the American Evaluation Association and Hawaii-Pacific Evaluation Association. This article has been viewed 420,250 times.
Co-authors: 68
Updated: April 11, 2024
Views: 420,250
Article SummaryX
To make your dad happy, watch TV with him or ask him about his favorite memories, so you can get to know him better. Every dad can get angry or stressed sometimes but try to avoid arguing with him, which would only make things worse. You should also try not to fight with your brothers or sisters if you have any, even if they get on your nerves, since this will make your dad and everyone in your home happier. As well as getting on with your family, try to do your chores when you’re asked so he doesn’t have to worry about nagging you. Sometimes the easiest way to make your dad happy is to give him a hug, a kiss, or tell him that you love him. For more tips, including how to make your dad happy by doing well at school, read on!
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