How to Make Female Friends

Irrespective of their gender, both men and women like to have a mix of male and female friends. But you may find approaching women intimidating and confusing, and if you’re a guy you may worry that she thinks you’re hitting on her. By initiating contact, getting to know a woman, and deepening your relationship, you can be friends with any woman.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Making Her Acquaintance

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1
Take any opportunity to meet potential friends. You will find that you can make female friends in a broad range of places. Use different activities to meet new female friends.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Introduce yourself and start conversations in any place you might be with women who have potentially similar interests. For example, you can meet women at work, a church, in your neighborhood or at activities both of you do like a running club.^{[2]XResearch source}
- Listen to what each woman says to get a sense of her personality and if you two might “click.”
2
Start a conversation. You may or may not know the woman with whom you’d like to be friends well, but introducing yourself can break the ice. This can help you form first impressions of each other that may lead to conversation and a deep friendship.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Keep the introduction light and ask open-ended questions. For example, you could say: “Hi there, I’m Sophie and I’m friends with Teresa and have heard so many nice things about you. I’d love to hear more about your work with refugees if you have some time.”^{[4]XResearch source}
- Talk to a woman casually if you’re a guy. Many women may think you’re hitting on them, so approach them slowly and as if you want to have a conversation and nothing else, in part by keeping yourself at a comfortable distance without touching her.^{[5]XResearch source} You might want to say something like, “Hi, I’m Christopher, and I’ve seen you around work and was wondering what you do for our team.”
- Find out something about her from mutual friends, colleagues, or acquaintances to help you start the conversation.^{[6]XResearch source}
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3
Present your best self. Most women like others who take care of their appearance, though without overdoing it. Presenting your best self to your future friend can give her a positive impression of you and encourage her to get to know you.^{[7]XResearch source}
- Avoid overdoing it with your appearance. Looking like yourself shows her that you are comfortable and can also put her at ease.^{[8]XResearch source} For example, keep your clothing, makeup and hair simple. Anything elaborate can send the message that you are high-maintenance and may undermine your attempts to be friends with a woman. It can also send the signal of competition, which many women don’t like.^{[9]XResearch source}
4
Practice friendliness. Most women enjoy being around others who are confident and at ease in their own skin. Practicing being friendly, for example by having confidence and putting her at ease can help draw a woman into a friendship.^{[10]XResearch source}
- Avoid being overly confident, which may make you seem pretentious. Stay calm, cool, and collected in your confidence.^{[11]XResearch source} For example, don’t cross your arms or recline with your hands behind your head. In addition, maintain eye contact with your new friend. Sometimes even gently touching someone on the shoulder can reassure them that you are nice.
- Show your real personality. Most women can tell when someone is being fake and your acquaintance may not want to pursue a friendship with you if you’re not being yourself.^{[12]XResearch source}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting to Know Each Other

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1
Discuss your interests. Ask about your acquaintance’s interests to show your interest in forging a friendship. Discuss your respective interests and make sure to mention mutual passions, which is a good basis for a friendship with a woman.^{[13]XResearch source}
- Find ways to incorporate your interests in conversations, which may inspire her to invite you to do activities together.
- Women enjoy a wide range of activities including shopping, hiking, photography, and running. Mentioning things in which you might think she is interested can help form a bond between the two of you.^{[14]XResearch source}
- Ask her about her interests if you are not sure. For example, if you want to strike up a conversation in a yoga class you can say “I’ve seen you here a couple of times, what are your favorite poses?” This might help you realize that you like going to class at the same times.
- Tell her about your interests, too. Friendship is a two-way street, and it’s important for her to know about your passions.^{[15]XResearch source} For example, if you’re talking about yoga poses, you can say “Oh, I like that one, too. Sometimes I have to modify it, do you ever have a hard time getting into it?”
- This also lets your female acquaintance know that you are an interesting and dynamic person.^{[16]XResearch source}
2
Listen intently. Listen closely to what your acquaintance says, especially if you are a man seeking a female friendship. This demonstrates that you care and want to develop the friendship, and may also help stimulate conversation with her at a juncture when they may be silence.^{[17]XResearch source}
- Enjoying a balance of meaningful and playful conversations can help develop your acquaintance into a good friendship because women like to be able to talk about both serious and light subjects.^{[18]XResearch source}
- Make sure to ask follow-up questions to show that you’re listening. Remember to do this can also help you to listen instead of thinking about how you’ll respond.
- Compliment her on her interests to demonstrate that you understand what’s important to her.^{[19]XResearch source} For example, if she volunteers for the Red Cross, say something “I really admire your work with the Red Cross and would love to know more about how you got involved with the organization.”
3
Maintain your independence and assert your opinions. As you get to know your acquaintance better, make sure to stay independent and not allow her to cloud your opinions. This can keep your friendship developing and also help keep her interest in you.^{[20]XResearch source}
- Use your brain and don’t dumb yourself down for your acquaintance. Show her you’re capable of forming opinions. Having meaningful exchanges and conversations keeps your friendship fresh.^{[21]XResearch source}
- Avoid asking her to spend too much time together and don’t make yourself too available, either. This helps show her that other people are also interested in being friends with you.^{[22]XResearch source}
4
Enjoy mutual and new activities. Your acquaintance may get to know you better if you demonstrate one of your talents for her and do activities of mutual interest. This could stimulate conversations or doing other activities, while showing her a side of you that many people may not see.^{[23]XResearch source}
- Keep your demonstration simple so that it’s fun for both of you and doesn’t appear like competition. For example, cook for her. You can invite her for dinner by saying “I love to cook Italian food and would enjoy making us my infamous lasagna.”
- Allow her to demonstrate her own talents to you, too.
5
Make compromises. In all likelihood, you and your new friend don’t share everything in common. Be flexible in what you two undertake together, sometimes doing things you like and other times what she does.^{[24]XResearch source}
- This demonstrates your interest in and commitment to developing your friendship. For example, if she wants to go running one day and you prefer to have brunch, do what she wants and suggest you run and have brunch next time.
6
Stay positive and fun. Women enjoy being around others who are positive and fun, which is especially true if she wants to be friends. She likely wants to enjoy time together and not immediately jump into how bad your life or the world is.^{[25]XResearch source}
- Start off your conversation with good news and things that have happened to you. Squeeze in negative topics once you’re both into the conversation and have loosened the mood a bit.
- Understand that every person has an occasional bad day. Talk to her about it and then move on, or else she might consider you a negative Nelly and not want to invest time in your friendship any longer.^{[26]XResearch source}

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Deepening Your Friendship

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1
Share your feelings. Once you’ve moved beyond the acquaintance stage, share feelings and other personal items with your friend. This signals that you trust her and consider her a friend.^{[27]XResearch source}
- Be sure to not overshare. There is a fine line between sharing feelings and personal information and giving away too much. For example, don’t share intimate details with your friends unless you are comfortable and you are sure she is also comfortable with it.^{[28]XResearch source}
Having your friend meet your broader circle of friends can help solidify your friendship. In many cases, if she and your friends get along, this can further develop your friendship.^{[29]XResearch source}
3
Follow up with her. One of the hallmarks of a good friend is that she remembers important dates and events and follows up on getting together. Make sure to offer support and congratulations whenever either are due, and follow up with her to schedule time together.^{[30]XResearch source}
- Send text messages, call her, or write cards to wish her good luck or congratulate her successes. Any gesture, no matter how small, is appropriate.^{[31]XResearch source}
4
Enjoy more time together. As you get to know one another better and enjoy being together, increase the amount of time you spend together. Seeing each other on a regular basis can help deepen and solidify your friendship into something truly meaningful.^{[32]XResearch source}
- Set up a regular “date.” For example, agree to meet for a run and brunch on Sundays. This will give you both a chance to stimulate endorphins and eat good food while enjoying time together.^{[33]XResearch source}
- Remember to be flexible if she can’t meet. Ask if you can meet some other time during the week.

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Question
How do you make a girl friend in college?
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Expert Answer
Try to find something to connect about like a mutual class, an interest, being from the same hometown or state, etc. Start taking small steps. Ask a question. Give a compliment.
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How do I make friends in my 20s?
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Expert Answer
Many people in their 20s are single which allows for more opportunities. Try to connect around an activity, hobby, class, or mutual friend.
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How do adults make new friends?
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Expert Answer
Adults sometimes have to work on making friends, either through their work, kids' friends' parents, or hobbies. Busier schedules and family commitments can sometimes add challenges. But friendships are important at all ages.
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