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This article was co-authored by Paige Bowen, MA, EdM. Paige Bowen is a Physical Education Teacher at Oconee County Primary School in Watkinsville, Georgia. Paige has over 20 years of physical education teaching experience. She was awarded the Oconee County Primary School Teacher of the Year for 2002-2003. She received a B.S.Ed. in Health and Physical Education from the University of Georgia in 1996 and an M.Ed. in Early Childhood Education in 2003 from the same institution.
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Best friends - They're always there for you, always looking out for you. There are many reasons people make best friends. Whether it's "just because", or filling that empty void, making a best friend can be easier than you might think! Just keep reading!
Steps
Start with small talk. If you don't have many, or any friends, making small talk is the first part and can be the first step in developing a friendship. Small talk subjects often include the weather, hobbies, or what you do for a living, but another strategy is to talk about something around you. You might try a simple introduction by way of icebreaker ("Hi. I'm Julie.").[1]- Ask them about their hobbies to see if you can do something together within one another's shared interests. Get to know this person. Find their likes and dislikes, favorite activities, their favorite colors, etc. There is so much you can find out!
- Friends are everywhere, so don't be shy and stay inside your house! Go to the park, or even join a club or an after school activity! Make friends everywhere and anywhere!
Listen. Don't be the one that asks questions all the time and vice versa. If you're asking them too many questions, some people might be overwhelmed. If you don't question them anything, some people might feel awkward, having to lead the conversation alone. If they don't seem to be interested, think to yourself to find another best friend- there are a lot of people just like you out there![2][3]Advertisement
Look beyond the "popular kid" in the class or school. That is a given and looks like you're trying too hard. Instead, hang out with a new kid or someone you've seen around, but don't know yet. Try a shy person holding back - they may appreciate someone else making the effort for a change![4]
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Start hanging out with this friend. Be careful not to get too excited by talking too much or they might think you’re strange. If you are at school, you can ask to hang out at the break. If you're a teenager, you could sit next to them and start a conversation.[5]
Nurture the new friendship.[6]- Get their phone number and call them once in a while, maybe once or twice a week. Like plants, don't water them too often. Don't call on the same day every week; try to pick a random day or keep it unpredictable.
- Give them gifts if their birthday or a holiday is coming. It doesn't have to be something big or expensive. Homemade gifts are a good option. But don't make it look like you spent hours on it.
- Write a handwritten letter. Sure, It's easier to write emails or write on their Facebook wall. But, there is a certain charm to the handwritten letter or a card. Just how you took some time to find a suitable paper, write on it, and mail it instead of the online alternative, shows how much thought went into it. They may keep it for years to come!
- Ask if one day they can come over to your house, or do something fun together. Make sure you've known this person for a while first, though. If you know someone for a day or two, then ask them kindly and convincingly to come to your house, they may find this a bit strange.
- Some friendships come easily and nurturing them is not hard to do. Others, however, require more thought and action. That's okay. Putting effort into a friendship doesn't mean the friend is not right for you, it simply means that your friendship is different and you need to work to keep it strong.[7]
Make sure it goes both ways. Friendship is two-sided. Follow your friend's cues for whether they're also interested in a close friendship with you. If you pursue a one-sided friendship,[8] you'll likely be disappointed with the result, and may seem needy or desperate to the other person.
Get to know their friends. Becoming close with someone often involves mixing social circles, so your friendship will grow from your involvement in their lives. If it doesn't work out with your original friend, you will still be better off than before; with even more friends to try with.
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Tell them that they are a great friend, once you've gotten to know them. Think of how touched your friend will be to get a note passed in class that simply says, "Hey, I haven't told you in a while but I do appreciate our friendship."
Tell the person a secret. Make sure it's one that you wouldn't mind too much if they revealed since sharing secrets builds trust. If the person tells the secret, you will not have lost much because you did not mind this secret getting out. You will have learned that they cannot be trusted as your best friend.[9]- If the person keeps the secret, you can tell another, slightly larger secret. Soon your friend may build a track record of trust by keeping all of your secrets, and you will know that this is a person that you can share your deepest thoughts with.[10]
Be truthful at all times with matters involving your friend. Best friendships require honesty, even more than regular ones do. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who lies. Keep your promises and do what you say you're going to do. Be reliable.[11]- Secrets which you hold back about your friend may come out at a bad time and can have a serious negative effect on your friend.
Avoid feelings of jealousy and suspicion. In a good friendship, your friend will be as honest with you as you are with them, so don't make bold assumptions about the way they might think about you. Most of the time, if you're thinking it's something bad, then you're wrong! If this person is a true friend they will love you and be honest with you.[12]
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Community Q&A
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- QuestionHow do I know if I am someone's best friend?
Community AnswerThey would start to get closer to you and hang out more and arrange fun days out, mention you often and would always want to make big plans with you. They don't need to tell you that they are your best friend for you to find out that you are their best friend. - QuestionI have a new girl in my school and I want to be her BFF. What can I do?
Community AnswerSay "hi" to her in the morning or whenever you see her, then ask her questions about herself. You can also ask her if she wants to sit with you at lunch, and take it from there. - QuestionCan I have more than one BFF?Community AnswerYes, you can have more than one BFF. Just do your best not to neglect any of them.
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Tips
- When they get embarrassed, don't laugh at them. Say something comforting instead or help them out.Thanks
- Don't laugh or ridicule about something that will make them feel insecure. They won't like you for that!Thanks
- Even though it is possible to have a best friend, make sure they don't realize you're trying to make that happen. Don't ask them straight up as you will seem desperate. Keep a close eye on them, but without risking appearing spooky!Thanks
Know your friend very well and also let them know you very well too.
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Warnings
- It takes time. Don't force the relationship, you'll only hurt yourself and your friend.Thanks
- Make sure that this person isn't mean to other people, or two-faced. This can happen quite easily. Some people might be sweet to your face, then gossip behind your back. This doesn't mean accuse someone of being two-faced when they're really sweet, but you should just make sure this doesn't happen. A mean person doesn't make for a good friend.Thanks
- Some people don't like you calling them very often; this is a major annoyance to certain kinds of people.Thanks
- Try not to visit your best friend every day, they may find it annoying and may think you're getting in the way.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinapark/2015/03/30/an-introverts-guide-to-small-talk-eight-painless-tips/
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-be-good-friend
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/guides/smarterliving/be-a-better-listener
- ↑ https://www.succeedsocially.com/shytalk
- ↑ https://www.pewinternet.org/2015/08/06/chapter-2-how-teens-hang-out-and-stay-in-touch-with-their-closest-friends/
- ↑ https://www.liveabout.com/ways-to-nurture-friendships-1385310
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jan/20/nurture-four-friendships-facebook-social-network
- ↑ https://www.liveabout.com/one-sided-friends-1385674
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/collections/201305/keeping-secrets
About This Article
Physical Education Teacher
This article was co-authored by Paige Bowen, MA, EdM. Paige Bowen is a Physical Education Teacher at Oconee County Primary School in Watkinsville, Georgia. Paige has over 20 years of physical education teaching experience. She was awarded the Oconee County Primary School Teacher of the Year for 2002-2003. She received a B.S.Ed. in Health and Physical Education from the University of Georgia in 1996 and an M.Ed. in Early Childhood Education in 2003 from the same institution. This article has been viewed 730,480 times.
Co-authors: 217
Updated: October 2, 2023
Views: 730,480
Categories: Best Friends | Forming Friendships
Article SummaryX
To make a best friend, start by making small talk with someone you’re interested in being friends with. It might seem scary to approach someone new, but it’s okay to introduce yourself with something like, “Hi, I’m Julie.” Then, ask about their hobbies and interests to get to know them better and see if you can do something together, like going to the park or joining a club. As you get to know each other, foster the friendship through phone calls, hanging out at each other’s houses, and sharing secrets to slowly go from friends to best friends. For more advice, including how to nurture your friendship with kind gestures and special surprises, keep reading.
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"This helped me a lot. I did not a have a friend for 12, years and the one I have now introduced me to what best friendship means. I love him so much, and he means the world to me."..." more
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