Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C and by How.com.vn staff writer, Hannah Madden. Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.
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It’s important to set boundaries in any relationship, but especially in a marriage. If your husband has female friends, you might see him texting them occasionally, which is probably fine. However, there may come a point when it crosses the line, which could indicate a little more than a friendly relationship. We’ve answered your questions so you can decide what’s okay and what’s not and talk to your husband about his actions.
Steps
When does texting another woman cross the line?
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Your husband might text her at all hours of the day. If he can’t stop texting her, even when you two are hanging out, that’s a red flag. Texting a friend is fine, but if it happens 24/7, it could be crossing into romantic territory. However, ask before you assume. If he isn't cheating, he shouldn't have a problem showing you the messages. [3]
Your husband might reveal personal information to her. Maybe he talks to her about his feelings or emotions, even if he won’t open up to you. Or, he might share details about your relationship, like the problems you're having or when you two get in a fight. While it’s fine to chat with your friends about how you’re feeling or a tough day at work, your husband shouldn’t be more open with another woman than with you.[4]
Shirley P. Glass, Infidelity SpecialistWhile it may seem harmless for your husband to occasionally text female friends, staying attuned to any pattern of excessive messaging is wise. If the texting becomes frequent, flirtatious, or starts interfering with your connection, it’s time for an open discussion about healthy boundaries and rebuilding trust.
How do I know if my husband likes another woman?
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He might be unreachable for long periods of time. If you try to call or text him and you can’t get ahold of him for a few hours, that’s a red flag. He’ll probably give an excuse, like he was busy or his phone was dead. While that could be true, he might also be seeing another woman on the sly. Don’t take this as 100% proof that he’s cheating, but definitely put your guard up if this happens.[6]
He might get dressed up to go see her. Maybe he puts on a new shirt or buys a new tie when he knows she’s going to be around. Or, maybe he spends extra time on his hair or beard when she’s coming over. It’s subtle, but it could be an indication that he has more than just friendly feelings toward this person.[7]
He might be less intimate with you. This could mean emotional or physical intimacy. If your sex life has slowed down or your husband doesn’t talk to you as much anymore, it’s a red flag. It’s not a surefire sign that he likes someone else, but it could indicate that he’s getting his needs met elsewhere.[8]
How do I talk to my husband about texting another woman?
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Sit down and calmly talk about it. If you think your husband is texting another woman inappropriately, pick a time when you two can be alone together.[12] Bring up the situation by saying something like, “I noticed you’ve been texting Natalie a lot. Are you two still just friends?”[13]
Keep pushing if he gets defensive. Your husband might not admit to any fault right away. Keep asking him questions to see if he admits to any wrongdoing. You could also ask to see his phone so you can look at his text messages.[14]- Say something like, “It would really bring me some peace of mind if you could show me the messages between you two. That way, I know you’re just being friendly with her.”
Expert Q&A
- QuestionHow do I tell my husband how I feel?
Raffi Bilek, LCSW-CRaffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.
Licensed Certified Social Worker – ClinicalFocus on your feelings instead making an accusation. Talking about yourself and your experience is better than talking about what he's doing wrong. - QuestionShould I confront the other woman my husband is texting?Raffi Bilek, LCSW-CRaffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.
Licensed Certified Social Worker – ClinicalFocus on addressing things with your husband. Let him know that you feel uncomfortable, and that you feel like he's crossing a boundary in your relationship.
Tips
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201809/how-texting-can-facilitate-infidelity-and-how-prevent-it
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/articles/200109/can-men-and-women-be-friends
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/flirting-is-cheating
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-common-is-cheating-infidelity-really
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
- ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-people-in-relationships-cheat/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-does-sex-differ-from-intimacy
- ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/clear-communication/201706/texting-may-destroy-your-marriage
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/03/internet
- ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/dealing-with-betrayal
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-talk-to-someone-who-always-gets-defensive
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