How to Handle a New Relationship

You're in a new relationship, which is great. But you don't know exactly how to handle it, which isn’t so great. What do you say? What do you do? How do you act? Don’t panic. You can handle a new relationship if you simply get to know each other, communicate, and take your time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Getting to Know Each Other

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1
Be yourself.Let your new mate have a chance to get to know more about you and the great things there are to love about you.^{[1]XExpert SourceMoshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Don’t change yourself to fit their likes and desires. Remember if they didn’t like the real you, they wouldn’t be in a relationship with you.
- Be honest about the things you do and don’t like or agree with.
- For example, if you don’t like basketball, don’t fake enthusiasm for March Madness.
- If you enjoy sketching, share some of your drawings with your significant other.
2
Talk to each other. Although you know enough about your partner to be in a relationship with them, there’s a lot you don’t know and a lot they don’t know about you. The more you know about each other, the more you will understand each other and the stronger your relationship will be.
- Talk about everyday things like how your day was, funny things your friends did, your plans for the weekend.
- Talk to your significant other to learn more about their dreams and goals. Share your hopes and aspirations with them.
- Discuss your fears, worries, and even your mistakes with each other. Sharing these things will form a bond between you two.
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You will learn a lot about your mate by talking to them, but a great deal of what you learn will be from observing them and paying attention to other hints about them. Notice what types of music, movies, and TV shows they prefer. What situations make them laugh? What makes them angry? What types of things do they like or comment on online?
4
Try new things. Because you are individuals, you and your partner will have some things in common as well as different interests, opinions, etc. Be open to doing things their way every once and a while, you just might discover that you like it or learn something new.
- Let them introduce you to their hobbies, and teach you how to do them. (Everyone loves to feel like an expert.) You can teach them to do your favorite activities too.
- Listen to and think about their opinion on where to go, what to do, how to do things, etc.
- Don’t feel pressured to do anything you really don’t want to do. You can try new things without giving up your morals, values, or beliefs.
5
Spend time together. The best way to get to know each other is to spend time together. Try to interact with each other in a variety of settings so that you can experience the different sides to each other.
- Spending time one-on-one gives you a chance to pay attention to each other without distractions.
- When you do things in a group setting, it allows you to see how they interact with others.
- Don’t just pay attention to how great they look, but also what seems to make them comfortable or uncomfortable, what types of activities and settings they enjoy, etc.
6
Spend some time apart. Although you will probably want to be around each other all the time, it’s a good idea to spend some time apart.^{[2]XResearch source} Doing things outside of your relationship means you have something to talk about when you are together. It also gives you time to reflect on your partner and the relationship.
- Do things and go places without each other. You had interests before you started your relationship. Continue to do those things.
- Make time for your friends and family. Even though you are in a relationship, the other people in your life still need you and want to spend time with you, too.
- Make sure you are making time to take care of your other responsibilities (clean your room, finish your work, feed the fish, etc.).

Quiz

How.com.vn Quiz: Are My Partner and I Compatible?

Do you ever wonder just how good a match you and your partner are? If you’ve recently started dating someone, are you curious about how much potential you have as a couple? It’s hard to measure compatibility (there’s no “formula” for it, after all), but taking a look at many aspects of a relationship can reveal where you and your partner are in sync and where you might experience conflicts. Our comprehensive quiz can help you do just that—and determine your overall compatibility.

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Are you and your partner more emotional or more logical?

We’re both either more emotional or more logical.

One of us is emotional, and one is logical—but we like the balance from that.

I haven’t really noticed a difference either way.

One of us is emotional, and one is logical, so we struggle to understand one another.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Learning to Communicate

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1
Talk and listen. Regular communication builds your new relationship and allows you to get to know one another more. It also helps cut down on misunderstandings and confusion. Remember, though, that communication is a two-way street; make sure that you are doing as much listening in your relationship as you are talking.^{[3]XExpert SourceMoshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 7 August 2019.}
- Even if it’s just a ‘good morning’ message or afternoon call, check-in with each other on a regular basis. Everyone likes to know that someone else is thinking of them.
- Make time to actually sit-down and just talk with each other. Talk about your day, your goals, your fears, your friends, etc.
- Listen to what they have to say and share with you. Use your talks as a way to learn more about each other and to support each other.
- Talk about the serious and important things face-to-face.^{[4]XResearch source}
2
Speak up.When something is really bothering you, then say something about it.^{[5]XExpert SourceMoshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 7 August 2019.} It’s better to speak up when something first upsets you than to let it go and have it turn into a big issue later on. Remember, the relationship is still new and your mate doesn’t know all of your boundaries yet.
- Talk calmly about what is on your mind in private and don’t use an accusatory tone.
- For example, you don’t want shout, “You are so inconsiderate! Spreading our business to everyone!” at them in the middle of the mall.
- Instead, you might wait until you two are alone and say, “Hey, babe, it makes me uncomfortable to talk to strangers about personal issues. Can we keep our personal stuff between just us?”
3
Disagree with each other. All relationships have times when the two people don’t agree with one another; this is normal. How you communicate during your disagreement (more so than what you disagree about) is what determines how long your new relationship will last. Relationships are measured on the quality of the make-up compared to the frequency or intensity of the disagreements.
- Disagreements simply mean that you are individuals with two different ways of viewing or doing things.
- Focus on what is right, not who is right. Trying to problem-solve, rather than blaming each other will strengthen your new relationship.
- Speak respectfully to each other and avoid saying things just because you are angry or hurt.
- Be able to “agree to disagree” about some things. Accept that there are some things you simply will never see eye-to-eye about. If they aren’t major, then just agree that each of you has your own perspective.
- Focus on getting all of your feelings out during the argument. Express all of your feelings, emotions, and opinions about the situation. Then, however, you should focus on repairing the relationship.
- Check in with your partner afterward. Ask, "Are you okay?" or "Is there anything you're still upset about?" Then plan to do something special to make up.
4
Let some things go.Although you should voice your concerns, you don’t have to point out every little thing. There will be things about your sweetie that annoy you, but not everything is worth discussing, or even mentioning. Accept that some things are just an endearing quirk of their character, the same as they do for you.
- If the issue doesn’t go against your morals or values; doesn’t hurt anyone; and isn’t worth leaving them for, then try to let it go.
- For example, the way he says ‘pacifically’ instead of ‘specifically’ might be annoying, but it isn’t a relationship-ending issue, so just let it go.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Taking Romance Slow

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1
Talk about it.Because the relationship is new, you all need to talk about what you want and are okay with in terms of intimacy.^{[6]XResearch source} It might be a little awkward at first, but talking about it eliminates any confusion and misunderstandings that may arise later.
- Discuss what types of intimacy you are okay with; For example, holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc.
- You might try saying, “This is a little weird, but I want to talk about what I’m okay with. I like holding hands a lot, but I’m not all right with…”
- Talk about how fast or slow you want to move as well as being safe at each step.
- For example, you could say, “I want to take things slowly and enjoy the process of getting to know each other.”
EXPERT TIP
John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Define what you're looking for in a relationship. Finding a fulfilling relationship starts by being clear about your needs physically and emotionally.
2
Take it one step at a time. There is no reason to rush. Sure you may want to get physical, but if this is the start of the relationship there's plenty of time for that.^{[7]XResearch source} Get to know each other in other ways before you get intimate. Taking it one step at a time allows you to enjoy each step of getting to know each other this way.
- Consider your emotional attachment as the benchmark by which to measure if you are ready for physical intimacy. Do you feel emotionally close, safe, and open enough to match those feelings through physical intimacy?
- Remember that neither of you have to do anything or move any faster than you are ready to.
- Just because you all have talked about your limits doesn’t mean you should go straight to those limits.
- For example, if you both agree that the limit is kissing, then don’t start with kissing. Start with holding hands for a bit and enjoy that closeness. Then move to hugging, then to kissing.
3
Make the first move.When the relationship is new, both people can be a little nervous about making the first move. Once you have talked about your physical boundaries, you may have to (or want to) be the one to make the first romantic move.^{[8]XResearch source}
- If you are nervous, then take a few deep breaths.
- You can ask them if it’s okay. It can be really sweet to say, “Can I hold your hand?” or “Can I kiss you?”.
- Don’t be worried if it’s a little awkward at first, just remember that the relationship is new and you are still getting to know each other.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Assessing Your Relationship

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Even though the relationship is new, talking about how you both think it is going will help the two of you solve any problems that you foresee. Discuss what works for you and what you like about the relationship, as well as what doesn’t make you so happy.
Have a realistic and honest conversation about where you see the relationship heading.^{[9]XExpert SourceMoshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Making sure you are both thinking the same about the future of the relationship will make it easier for you the two to build your new relationship.^{[10]XResearch source}
Sometimes relationships don’t work out and the sooner you admit it, the better for both people. If you have gotten to know one another, tried communicating, and spending time together (and apart), talked about the relationship and either of you aren’t happy, you should consider talking about whether the relationship should continue.

Expert Q&A

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Question
How can I make a new relationship work?
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Answer
Be open and honest with your partner so you're able to communicate things if something bothers you.
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