How to Get a Boyfriend If You Are Overweight

Sometimes it can feel like you'll never meet a great guy. Don't worry--you're not alone! This is something that almost everyone goes through at least once in their life. If you don't feel confident about your body, finding a great date might feel even more frustrating. The most important thing to do is to find ways to become more confident. When you like yourself, others are more likely to see all of your positive attributes. You can also work on finding ways to meet someone and then developing a date into a relationship. Whether you're a teen or an adult, these methods can be really helpful for you. Just remember--a positive attitude is key!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Boosting Your Confidence

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1
Think positively. It can be frustrating trying to meet the right guy. It might make you anxious, or even sad. That's normal, but those types of thoughts won't help you to find a boyfriend. Shift your mindset so that you focus on thinking positive thoughts.^{[1]XResearch source} Convince yourself that you're just as worthy of meeting someone special to share your life with.^{[2]XExpert SourceLeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional MatchmakerExpert Interview. 14 December 2021.}
- Release negativity. If you find yourself thinking, "You'll never meet someone", let that thought go. Replace it with a thought like, "I'm proud of myself for putting in effort."
- Try a gratitude journal. Spend 5-10 minutes a day writing down things you are thankful for. This will help you reflect on the positive aspects of your life.
- You could write things such as, "I'm grateful that my best friend and I both got cast in the school play" or "I'm glad my parents trust and respect me."
2
Focus on your strengths. Try to spend some time each day reflecting on what you most like about yourself. You can choose any attributes you like! You can give yourself compliments out loud, or you can try writing them down.^{[3]XResearch source}
- For example, you might look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, "You have a great smile!"
- You might leave yourself a note on your laptop that says, "You are an excellent writer!"
- Try hanging a note in your locker that says something like, "You're an awesome singer!"
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3
Achieve goals. Conquering your goals is a great way to build your confidence. First, set specific goals. Remember to include both long term and short term goals. Then, make a plan to achieve each one.^{[4]XResearch source}
- A short term goal could be, "Avoid going out to eat for 1 week." You can accomplish this goal by meal planning and packing lunches to take to work.
- A long term goal might be, "Get promoted in 1 year." Write down specific ways to accomplish this, such as taking on more responsibility at work.
- You could try, "Make the honor roll this semester" or "Join a new after school club".
- Checking each goal off of your list will be a serious confidence boost!
4
Build a positive body image. In today's society, it is easy to feel like you might be overweight. It can be hard to feel good about yourself when constantly faced with photos of super thin celebrities. Try to remember, these images are often airbrushed. And the ones that aren't are often not realistic for most people.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Remember that everyone's body is different. People are different heights, builds, and everyone has a different metabolism.
- Think about what you like about your body. For instance, "I'm glad my legs are strong enough to let me go on these long hikes that I love."
- Tune out negativity. Don't listen to negative comments or any type of body shaming.
- Find a female role model who looks real and healthy. This could be anyone from your mom to Amy Schumer.
5
Take care with your appearance. Sometimes you can boost your confidence by focusing on feeling great about the way you look. Spend some time each day carefully grooming and putting yourself together. You'll find it to be an instant mood booster!^{[6]XResearch source}
- Wear clothes that make you feel confident. Do you feel you look best in jewel tones? Find a great ruby red sweater to wear to work.
- Try a new hairstyle. Have you always wanted to try shorter hair? Go for it! Experimenting with new looks can be a lot of fun and help you feel great.
- Polish your smile. A great smile is everyone's best accessory. Try using some whitening strips to brighten yours.
- Don't worry about being trendy. Maybe the latest trend at school is high waisted jeans. Those just don't look good on everyone, and that's ok. Dress for your body type.
- Ask a friend for advice. You can say, "Do you think this tight sweater is the best look for me?" Be open to feedback.
6
Exercise to boost your mood. You might dread going to the gym if you don't feel confident about your body. But exercise can actually elevate your mood. Working up a sweat is a great way to feel good about yourself and increase your energy.^{[7]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Meet with a trainer. Many gyms offer a complimentary introductory session with a pro. Get tips on the workouts that are right for you.
- Try a group class. Grab a friend and hit a spinning or barre class.
- Head outside. Exercising outdoors can help you get more fresh air and sunshine, which can also boost your mood.
- Join a team. Tryout for soccer or field hockey.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Meeting a Nice Guy

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1
List your priorities. One of the most important parts of getting a boyfriend is to meet someone that you'd like to date. Before you head out looking for guys, take a few minutes to think about what you want. List the priorities that you're looking for in a potential boyfriend.^{[8]XResearch source}
- Maybe common interests is your top priority. For instance, do you love to ride your bike? Make it a priority to find someone who also enjoys that activity.
- You can also list important personality traits: honesty, compassion, and a great sense of humor are all good examples.
2
Utilize your network. Your friends and family can be a great resource in your hunt for someone to date. In fact, most people report that they met their partners through friends and family. Let your network of friends know that you are open to meeting new people.^{[9]XResearch source}
- You can say, "Hey, Stacy. I'm interested in meeting someone. Do you know any eligible guys that I might be interested in?"
- You might try, "Ellen, that guy that sits next to you in English seems nice. Can you mention my name to him and see if he sounds interested?"
- Accept invitations to gatherings. You never know who will be at Aunt Maureen's BBQ!
- If you are working on building a positive body image, it might feel more comfortable to meet people through your circle. After all, it's unlikely that your best friend would set you up with a jerk who makes negative comments about your appearance.
3
Use technology. These days, a large percentage of relationships begin online. Forget about the old stigmas! Use technology to your advantage and put yourself out there to meet the man of your dreams. Or even just someone fun to hang out with!^{[10]XResearch source}
- Online dating might be a great way to go if you are feeling insecure about your appearance. You will usually have to post a picture. This is helpful, because anyone who approaches you already knows (and accepts) what you look like.
- Always be honest in your profile. For example, don't post a picture of yourself from 10 years ago.
- Use caution when meeting someone online. Don't give out personal information, such as your home address or where you work.
- Reputable dating sites likely won't allow teens to use them. That's ok. You can still use technology to your advantage.
- Come up with a clever Instagram post and tag your crush. You could also make a cute Snapchat and sent it to a group of friends--including the guy you like. You're sure to get his attention!
4
Be outgoing. When you meet someone, try to focus on the conversation. This will help you put aside any nagging concerns you might have about your weight. Instead, work on your people skills and make an effort to chat up that cute guy you see at the party.^{[11]XResearch source}
- Be upbeat. Try not to discuss any depressing or controversial topics when you first meet someone.
- Don't be afraid to make the first move. Convince yourself that you do not care about the outcome.^{[12]XExpert SourceLeTisha Underwood
  Certified Professional MatchmakerExpert Interview. 14 December 2021.} Casually walk up to someone at a party and say, "I don't think we've met. Are you a friend of Katie's?"
5
Be ready to meet someone. It's great to have a plan and work your network, but you really can meet a guy anywhere. Keeping your eyes open in everyday situations can allow you to see new possibilities everywhere you go. Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation at any of the following places:^{[13]XResearch source}
- The grocery store. "I love hummus. Is that kind good?"
- In an airport lounge. "Are you traveling for business or pleasure?"
- At your local coffee shop. "I haven't seen you here before. You must not have quite the caffeine addiction that I do."
- School is a great place to meet people. Join several different activities, such as the school paper, so that you can meet a wide variety of guys.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Establishing a Healthy Relationship

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1
Have reasonable expectations. When you meet someone, don't expect it to immediately develop into a meaningful relationship. Be patient. Allow some time to get to know one another.^{[14]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- If you are uncomfortable about your weight, you should feel free to talk about it. For example, you might say "No, thanks. I don't feel like splitting desert. I'm trying to eat healthy."
- Remember to be yourself. And remember that your date is there because he is interested in you.
2
Build a connection. As you get to know each other, spend time learning about the things you have in common. Don't be afraid to share your likes and dislikes. For example, you could say, "I'm really into horror movies. Do you want to have a movie marathon with me next Friday?"^{[15]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Do things together. Activities are a great way to build a connection. Try something new together, like dance lessons or a cooking class. Learning is a great way to boost your confidence, too.
3
Focus on fun. When you're in the early stages of dating, try not to take things too seriously. Having fun is a key component to any healthy relationship.^{[16]XExpert SourceLeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional MatchmakerExpert Interview. 14 December 2021.} If you're not having fun with the guy, or if he makes you feel bad about yourself, it might be time to reconsider.^{[17]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- Laugh together. Go to a comedy club or watch funny videos on YouTube.
- Be playful. If you pass a playground, don't be afraid to take a turn on the swings.
4
Communicate effectively. Communication is key in any relationship. To build your relationship, make sure that you effectively express yourself. Don't be afraid to share your feelings.^{[18]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
- For example, you could say, "I'd really rather not spend the day at the pool. I'm not feeling very confident these days. But I'm working on that. Can we find another way to spend the afternoon together?"
- Be direct, honest, and respectful.

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How do you date with no confidence?
LeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional Matchmaker
LeTisha Underwood is a Certified Professional Matchmaker and the CEO of Two Hearts Exclusive Matchmaking Services. With more than five years of experience, she specializes in helping marriage-minded people find their life partners. LeTisha holds a Matchmaker Certification from The Global Love Institute.
LeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Answer
Psych yourself up first! Remind yourself that you're just looking to have fun and enjoy the process of dating, and that it doesn't matter what happens afterward.
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What should I do if he does not like me becase I am overweight?
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If somebody doesn't like you just because of your appearance or weight, then they aren't somebody you should be dating. You deserve to date someone who likes and respects you, and doesn't reject an entire relationship because of your appearance. A good relationship is based on a mental and emotional attraction, not just a physical one.
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Tips

Be yourself.
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Be patient. Finding an building a relationship takes time.
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Have fun. Enjoy meeting new people and trying new things.
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