Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Laura Bilotta. Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.
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Getting girls is all about the right attitude and having a solid game to handle any situation. Whether you are looking for a girlfriend or just a fun date, you need to present yourself as someone worth spending time with. Once girls see you as something to be attained, you will find they are more likely start chasing after you.
Steps
Approach a girl indirectly. This will allow you to engage her in a conversation without making it too obvious you are interested. There are so many opportunities to strike up a conversation if you just pay attention. If you notice she has a watch, you can ask her for the time. If you are at a mall, you can ask her where a certain store is. Then seize your chance to strike up a conversation with her. Since she is not expecting to get hit on, you will probably be able to talk more casually and she will too.[1]
Compliment her, and really mean it. Her hair, outfit and shoes are perfect choices, because she will have put a lot of effort into deciding these things.[2] She will appreciate when a person notices her efforts to look nice, especially a person she is interested in.[3]- Try telling her that her beautiful skin makes her glow or that you love the shade of her hair.
- Tell her that her outfit looks great, or that you love how she paired her shoes with her outfit.
- Try to avoid doing anything like suggesting that she is the best-looking woman in her group of friends. She may take this as an insult to her friends, rather than a compliment to herself.
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Be nice to her friends. If she is with a friend and you exclude the friend while chatting her up, she will feel guilty. She may leave you to go hang out with her friend, so be polite to her friends too and include them in the conversation.- For example, if you ask the girl you like if she would like a drink, turn to her friend after asking her and ask "Would you like anything too?” You will not only seem generous, but also considerate.
Tease her. This didn't stop working just because grade school is over. A little light-hearted teasing can liven up the conversation and add some humor. If she likes the wrong sports team, or listens to an artist you don't like, tease her about it a little. The key is knowing when to quit. If she isn't laughing and smiling along with you, it's better to stop.[4]- For example, if you notice she has a Patriots keychain, you can let her know you have an air pump at home and can swing by and inflate some footballs if she wants to trade numbers.
Tell her you're busy. During your conversation, let her know you'd love to take her out but you're just so busy lately. This will make you seem in demand, unavailable, and thus more desirable. Instead of playing hard to get, she will then have to work to be worthy of your time.[5]
Give her some space. You struck up a conversation and it's going well, and now you need to know when to quit. Excuse yourself to use the restroom, or go visit another friend or acquaintance if any are around. Just be sure to let her know you'll be back so she doesn't feel abandoned. Show her the whole night doesn't hinge on whether you talk with her or not. This will also give her enough time to arrange for her friends to find something or someone else to do.- Giving her some space may also make her miss you more so she's more eager to talk to you.[6]
Take a wingperson. When you head out to get girls, a friend can help keep your target's friends busy. You may need back up if the girl you are trying to get is being advised by her friends to move along.[7]- Choose your crew carefully. Take a close look at your friends. They don't need to be Ryan Gosling to hang with you, but they should be pleasant to be around.
Find girls at popular places like malls, gyms, coffee shops and bookstores. Go somewhere that suits your personality. Not only are you more likely to get a girl who shares your interests, but you will feel more comfortable approaching or talking to them in a familiar environment.[8]- Reader Poll: We asked 396 How.com.vn readers, and 62% said that the best way to pick up a girl in public is by making an observation about the place or setting. [Take Poll]
- So, say you're at the coffee shop and see someone cute, you might start a conversation by talking about an interesting drink that you see on the menu.
Don't hit on girls who are at work. Even if the waitress at the restaurant is really good looking, it isn't the best time or place. You can get a lot of mixed signals because she may feel obligated to be nice to a customer, but really wants nothing to do with you.[9] It's best just to avoid any confusion.
Be wary when meeting girls at bars, the internet and work. These may seem like places that you can easily find women to talk to, but you have know what you're getting yourself into. Play it smart!- Bars have plenty of women, but drinking may be a coping mechanism that men and women alike use for serious issues. It could be a bad breakup, losing a job, or being depressed. Just be conscientious of unhealthy drinking habits.
- The internet is always a risky proposition to get girls. It takes a while to know whether someone can live up to their social media profile.[10]
- While work presents many opportunities to communicate with girls, always be cautious when getting involved with a co-worker. If things go bad between the two of you, it could make for an awkward work environment.[11]
Be confident. You want to be confident, not cocky. The best ways to do this are with your body language. Body language will tell a girl a lot of things about you, so pay attention to how you present yourself.[12]- Speak clearly and stand up straight.
- Make eye contact when you are having a conversation.
- Smile.
- Be approachable. Don't appear preoccupied with your phone, or act disinterested in what is going on around you.
Be respectful. Open doors for her, and pull out chairs to let her sit down.[13] Saying please and thank you are basic manners. Failing to display basic manners is neither sexy or cute. Knowing how to display common courtesy shows that you had either had a good upbringing or have improved yourself. Either could be seen as attractive to some women.
Talk yourself up on the sly. If you sing, go rock climbing, or speak a foreign language, you should slip that detail into a conversation nonchalantly. The key is picking the right moment.- Ask her questions about herself. If you want to find an opportunity to slip in information about your musical talents, start by asking her what kind of music she likes. Then comment on her response from a musician's perspective. For example, if she says she likes a certain band you can say their guitarist is great and they inspired you to learn to play yourself.
- Bragging, boastful behavior can be a big turn off, so avoid going over the top. Avoid talking about money or how many girls you've slept with. Most women aren't going to be impressed.
Be cautious when making the first move. Don't just go in for a kiss. This can be your third or fourth move, but it is not a first move.- Seize an opportunity to gently brush her hair from her face. This shows your soft, caring side.
- You could also tell her how pretty she looks, or how beautiful her eyes are.
- A kiss on the forehead is sweet and, not too sensual.
- Touch her in non-sexual places. The upper back and hands are usually okay places.
Be honest with whatever you're saying to her. Telling lies scores no points at all. You might have to tell her something and forget. If she brings it up on another date and you don't remember, you will look really bad.
Let her know exactly what you're looking for. Tell her if you want a serious relationship, an open relationship, or just some fun dates. Don't get her hopes up falsely. If you are just looking for a fling, let her know. Don't be selfish and break her heart, and always be prepared to be let down yourself.
Attract Girls and Win Their Hearts with this Expert Series
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Always look approachable - smiling softly helps to give the face a relaxed look.Thanks
- Always listen to what she is saying. Sometimes people miss the most important part of the conversation because they are thinking about how to 'get the girl in bed'. Even if that is what you are thinking, try not to show it.Thanks
- Be kind and treat her with respect. Show her that you care about her.Thanks
References
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201305/9-types-compliments-and-why-they-work-or-not
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201210/flirt-vs-tease-whats-the-difference
- ↑ https://scholarship.sha.cornell.edu/articles/181/
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
- ↑ https://www.networkwise.com/ways-a-wingman-can-up-your-networking-game/
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/meet-women-gym/
- ↑ https://www.doctornerdlove.com/5-times-shouldnt-approach-women/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mating-game/201609/the-ugly-truth-about-online-dating
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/isabellaclivilezwu/2016/06/01/dangerous-liaisons-how-dating-a-co-worker-can-ruin-your-reputation-and-career/
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
About This Article
If you’re interested in picking up girls, try hanging out in places where you’re likely to meet people who share your interests. For example, you might meet girls at the bookstore, the mall, or the gym. If you see a girl you’re interested in, make sure to approach her when she’s relaxed and in a casual setting. She’ll be a lot less likely to appreciate your attention if she’s working, stressed, or busy. Look for an excuse to strike up a conversation so it’s not obvious right away that you’re hitting on her. Otherwise, she might feel uncomfortable. For example, you could ask her for directions, or comment on something interesting that’s going on around you. If she seems interested in chatting, try dropping a sincere compliment. For instance, tell her how much you like her outfit, or comment on what a great smile she has. You can also try a little good-natured teasing, which can be a fun way to flirt. For example, if you like different sports teams, get some playful banter going about whose team is better. Just make sure it doesn’t come off as insulting or rude. If the conversation is going well, look for an excuse to make an exit before you wear out your welcome. Say something like, “It’s been awesome meeting you, but I’d better get back to my friends over there.” This can also be a good moment to ask for her number—or give her yours. If you’re wondering how to make yourself more attractive to girls, here are a few pointers to keep in mind. First of all, try to act confident, even if you’re not really feeling it. Smile, stand up straight, and use relaxed, approachable body language. Also remember to be kind, polite, and respectful to her and to other people around you. It’s okay to talk yourself up a little when you’re chatting with her, but don’t forget to ask her questions about herself, too. She’ll enjoy talking to you a lot more if you show a genuine interest in her and the things she cares about. If it seems like things are going well and you’re ready to make a move, take it slow. For example, be careful about going in for a kiss if you’re not sure she’ll be into it. Start with something subtler, like touching her arm while you’re talking or telling her how beautiful she looks. Pay close attention to how she reacts, and always back off if she seems uncomfortable with anything you’re doing. For tips on how to ask for her phone number, keep reading!
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