Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by How.com.vn staff writer, Hannah Madden. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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It can be difficult to get along with a loved one's sister, especially if there is a lot of pressure on you to be her friend. Fortunately, most families have some level of curiosity and openness when their sibling brings home a new partner. Try to ask your boyfriend’s sister about her hobbies, bond over your shared interests, and reach out to her if there is tension to get along with your boyfriend’s sister and make your life easier.
Steps
Find out what your boyfriend's sister is like. Prepare yourself for hanging out with his sister by asking him a little bit about her.[1] What is she studying in school? Is she dating anyone? Get enough information to have a general sense of who she is, but don’t ask your boyfriend to relay her life story. Leave some information for you to find out on your own.[2]- Ask things like, “Does your sister still live with your parents?”
- ”What does she usually do with her friends?”
- If she is young, ask what cartoon or movie characters she likes.
- If she is older, stick with questions about her work or school.
Ask your boyfriend to introduce the two of you and stay nearby. Trying to get along with your boyfriend’s sister can put a lot of pressure on you. Let your boyfriend know if you are having some nervousness around the issue so that he can put your mind at ease. Ask him to step in if the conversation gets awkward and to not leave you alone with her for too long the first time you meet her.[3]Tip: Your boyfriend can also let you know if she has any particular quirks or dislikes that you should be aware of.
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Stay away from topics like politics and religion. Topics that are controversial can divide people no matter who they are. Try to not talk about politics or religion with your boyfriend’s sister, especially if you know you have differing opinions. If your boyfriend’s sister brings them up, state your opinion in a calm and concise manner.[4]- Avoiding politics and religion is a good rule of thumb for talking to your boyfriend’s family in general. It will help you avoid unnecessary tension.
Refrain from showing too many public displays of affection. No one likes to watch a couple make out in public, least of all your boyfriend’s sister. Hold your boyfriend’s hand and touch his knee, but don’t kiss him with tongue or sit on his lap. Make your boyfriend’s sister feel comfortable by not alienating her when you meet up.[5]- Trying to kiss your boyfriend in front of his sister could also make him feel uncomfortable.
Find subjects that you have in common. It’s hard to talk to anyone when you don’t know much about them. Ask your boyfriend’s sister if she likes any of the things that you like.[6] You can mention books, movies, musicians, and board games that you are into. If you can’t find any common ground at all, ask her what she likes and see if you can relate.[7]- Ask questions like, “What do you like to do on the weekend?”
- "Are you watching any TV shows right now?”
- ”What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?”
Bond over your boyfriend’s annoying tendencies. Your boyfriend’s sister knows better than anyone how annoying he can sometimes be. Bring these tendencies up in a funny way during conversation. Don’t make your boyfriend feel bad, but try to make a few jokes about his habits that his sister might relate to.[8]- Say something like, “How’d you deal with his loud chewing growing up?”
- ”Did he snore when he was little?”
Ask his sister to join you on an outing.[9] If you want to become friends, invite his sister to hang out with you and your boyfriend when you go out somewhere. Make sure it is something she’d like to do, like going to a movie or playing mini-golf.[10]- If his sister is young, make sure that your outing is fun for children so that she has a good time.
Seek his sister’s advice if she is older than you. Talking to someone who has more life experience than you can be a great time to ask about things that are troubling you. Asking for someone’s advice is also a good way to let them know that you trust and value their opinion. Ask her opinion on dating, marriage, clothing, or something that she is an expert in.[11]- Say something like, “I really value your opinion. Do you have any advice on college applications or placement tests?”
- ”Do you think getting married at a young age is a bad idea?”
- Try to only do this a few times during a conversation so your boyfriend doesn’t feel bad.
Avoid making up any of your interests or hobbies. It's almost impossible for anyone to give you a fair shake if you are being fake, and trying to pretend to like the things the sister likes won’t help you much in the long run. While it's difficult to act naturally at first, affecting a completely different personality from the beginning is immature and misleading. Be interested about her hobbies and interests without faking your own.[12]Tip: If you want to seem interested in her hobbies, ask for more information about them or what in particular she likes about them.
Clue your boyfriend in if you two aren’t getting along. If you like your boyfriend’s sister, that's great! However, if you sense that there is tension between you two, do your best to remove yourself from the situation and calmly discuss it with your boyfriend. Make sure that you do not make it sound as though you are blaming his sister. See if he has any explanation for her behavior or any suggestions for the future.[13]- Say something like, “It seems like your sister doesn’t like me very much. Did you notice that too?”
Tip: You may be overanalyzing her reactions since you are nervous. She could just be having a bad day.
Keep being friendly, even if it’s tough. If your boyfriend’s sister is dead-set on not liking you, she might not be open to changing her mind any time soon. Keep your interactions friendly and civil any time you see her. She could slowly start to accept or even like you over time.[14]- Make sure you have your boyfriend’s support in defending yourself. If his sister ever gets truly mean, you may need him to step in and help you.
Keep your interactions with her short if you two don’t get along. If the two of you have not hit it off, be friendly but brief whenever you see her. There's nothing wrong with being civil. Do your best to always keep your manners at the forefront. In time, the two of you may improve your relationship.[15]- Ask her how she’s doing whenever you see her and be open to starting a conversation. Don’t shut her out in case she wants to improve your relationship.
Reach out to your boyfriend’s sister if you want to start over. If your boyfriend’s sister is rude to you and you aren’t sure why, consider approaching her alone and asking why you two got off on the wrong foot. Maybe she is worried about her brother or she thinks you two won’t last. Whatever the case, getting things out into the open can only help your relationship.[16]- Try saying, “I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. Can we talk about that?”
- Emphasize that you want to improve your relationship for your boyfriend’s sake.
Win Over Your Boyfriend's Family and Friends with This Expert Series
Community Q&A
- QuestionWhat should I talk about with my boyfriend’s sister?
How.com.vn Staff EditorThis answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Staff AnswerHow.com.vn Staff EditorStaff AnswerAsk her questions about herself so you can get an idea of what her interests are. You might find that you have something in common (besides her brother/your boyfriend)! For example, ask things like “What do you do for fun?” or “What are you studying in college?” - QuestionHow should I deal with my boyfriend’s jealous sister?How.com.vn Staff EditorThis answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Staff AnswerHow.com.vn Staff EditorStaff AnswerDo your best to be polite, but you may need to minimize your time around her if she acts hostile or unfriendly to you. If her behavior is creating problems in your relationship, have an honest talk with your boyfriend about it. Let him know how you feel in a calm, non-judgmental way, and ask him if he can set better boundaries with his sister. - QuestionWhat should I get my boyfriend’s sister?How.com.vn Staff EditorThis answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Staff AnswerHow.com.vn Staff EditorStaff AnswerIt can be a nice gesture to get your BF’s sister a gift for her birthday or a major holiday. If you don’t know her well enough to know her tastes, ask your boyfriend what she likes. For instance, if she’s a sports fan, she might like a poster of her favorite team. If you’re still not sure, go for something that’s bound to please just about anyone, like a little box of chocolates or a nice coffee mug.
Tips
References
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201705/5-essential-tips-getting-along-your-in-laws
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201705/5-essential-tips-getting-along-your-in-laws
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lessons-loving/201611/3-rules-getting-along-your-in-laws
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201705/5-essential-tips-getting-along-your-in-laws
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/meeting-your-boyfriends-sister
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/meeting-your-boyfriends-sister
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-teen-doctor/201701/15-ways-become-closer-others
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-teen-doctor/201701/15-ways-become-closer-others
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/the-dos-and-donts-of-winning-o
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lessons-loving/201611/3-rules-getting-along-your-in-laws
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201705/5-essential-tips-getting-along-your-in-laws
- ↑ https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/dating-advice-what-to-do-when-boyfriends-sister-doesnt-like-you/x7xkcpb
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201705/5-essential-tips-getting-along-your-in-laws
About This Article
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The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.
It’s important to get along with your boyfriend’s sister, even if she doesn’t approve of you. Try to be yourself around your her so she can see who you really are. Be polite when you speak to her and ask her a bit about herself to get to know her. However, try to avoid being overly touchy or kissing your boyfriend around his sister, since you don’t want to make her uncomfortable. If she does have a problem with you, try to stay friendly and polite, but don’t talk anymore than you need to. That way, you’ll avoid unnecessary conflict. If she tries to start an argument with you, just walk away and discuss it with your boyfriend later. For more tips, including how to find out about your boyfriend’s sister before you meet her, read on!
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