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This article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 108,040 times.
Do you want to get over a girl who broke your heart so you can move forward with your life? For helpful tips on how to work through your emotions, heal the pain, and look forward to a brighter tomorrow, read on.
Steps
Get physical distance. Literally remove yourself from her. The more you see your ex in person the more difficult it will be to forget about her and the pain she has caused you. Find ways to change your routine so that you are not forced to confront her.- Avoid places that you know she frequents. This may include her favorite restaurants and coffee shops, or shops near where she lives.
- Avoid social gatherings that you know she will be at. This will only cause unnecessary tension and cause you to obsess over the past. If you are both invited to a party or event, tell the host that you are busy. Missing a few social gatherings is worth the jealousy and frustration that you will feel if you see her again.
Get rid of the evidence. Remove any of her belongings from your room. Get rid of anything you deeply associate with her.[1] It will only bring you unnecessary pain to hang onto any souvenirs from the relationship.Advertisement
Cut off communication. Do not allow yourself to contact her, including through text or email. It may be tempting to engage with her at first, but this will only open up the door to more pain and conflict. The more you communicate with your ex, the harder it will be to forget her.- Consider unfriending or unfollowing her on social media. Social media allows us to paint a positive picture of our lives. Such images of her will only make you nostalgic about the relationship. If this feels too drastic, consider removing her from your news feed or phone contact list. [2]
Avoid hanging out with her friends. If you share a friend group, spend time with a new social circle.- Reconnect with the friends you had before you met her. They are friends with you outside of the context of your relationship with your ex. They will help you forge a new identity without her, and are less likely to bring her up.
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Let yourself be sad.[3] Letting yourself be angry and frustrated for a short time can help you cleanse your system and it will be easier to forget her.
Give yourself a timeline. Allow yourself to be upset for a set amount of time and then refrain from indulging anymore. Be disciplined with this timeline.- Try starting with one week. During this week allow yourself to cry, get angry, listen to sad music, or do whatever rituals you feel necessary to your healing. When that one week is up commit to moving forward.
- Don't panic if you find yourself thinking about her. If you try to forbid yourself from thinking about her, you will only think about her more. This is called the "white bear effect."[4] If you think about her, accept the thought, and then let it go.
Talk it out. Talk to a family member or good friend about your feelings. [5] Vent about her so that you no longer fixate on the pain.- Write out your feelings in a journal.[6] Writing is a good way to come to terms with a subject so that you stop thinking about it.
- After you have allowed yourself to vent about her, don't bring her up again. Avoid talking about her and try to move quickly from the topic if someone asks you about her.
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Go on dates. One tried and true way to get over a past lover is to meet someone new. If you feel ready, be open to making new connections.- For the first few dates, avoid bringing up your ex. Over time you will be able to talk about her, but while it is still fresh it will only prevent you from moving forward.
Exercise your social muscles. Even if you don't feel ready to date, make sure you are spending time with friends. Stay connected to your social sphere.- It's normal to want to be alone after a break-up. Do not isolate yourself for too long or it will keep you from moving forward.
Find new ways to be social. It will be more difficult to forget about your ex if you continue doing the same things you did when you were together. Find new activities that are not associated with her, and will allow you to surround yourself with new faces.- Explore new bars and restaurants so that you meet a new batch of people. There are probably many places you never had the chance to explore while you were together.
- Join a new club or find a new activity that will allow you to make new friends. These new friends and activities will distract you from the past. They will also share a bond with you that is totally outside of your ex.
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Find a new goal. Focus your energy and emotions toward a new goal. When you feel yourself missing your ex, redirect these feelings toward a different goal or passion. [7]- Obsessive thinking about your ex activates the same craving region in your brain as drugs and alcohol. [8] Replace your addiction with something productive.
Go to the gym. Working out relieves stress. Excess stress can make you more likely to crave companionship.[9]
Focus on yourself.[10] Being single means you have more time to think about yourself. Use this opportunity to redirect your attention back to your own needs and wants.- Think about your professional goals. This is a great time to push your personal growth at work or at school.
Get a new hobby. If there is something you have always been interested, such as cooking or a new sport, now is the time to pick it up. It will be a great distraction from your sadness.
Get some perspective. See your current pain as a temporary state. With time, it will pass. [11]
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Expert Q&A
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- QuestionHow do I stop thinking about someone I love?
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Marriage & Family TherapistYour mindset is essential to forgetting about someone. Keep a positive attitude and tell yourself that you will get over her with time. - QuestionHow can I get over someone emotionally?Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Marriage & Family TherapistTry journaling about what you're feeling so you're able to comprehend them better. It can also help to spend time around supportive people to help take your mind off of them.
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Tips
- Remember that your memories of your ex are not an accurate representation of who she is.[12] You may find yourself missing her, but chances are you are only remembering the highs of your relationship.[13]Thanks
- Forgetting someone takes a lot of time and patience. It may take months, or years for you to feel completely over your ex. Keep thinking about the future.Thanks
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Warnings
- Some people slip into cycles of addiction, substance abuse, or self-harm in the wake of a breakup. Seek professional help if you find yourself feeling out of control.[14]Thanks
- Repeatedly attempting to contact your ex, or her friends, family, or coworkers, is considered stalking. Stalking is a punishable crime in the United States. Talk to a doctor or counselor if you feel the need to harm, humiliate, or exact revenge upon your ex.[15]Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/3px9sbXQ5c4TlSCTdSN6XYq/getting-over-your-ex
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g1944/how-to-get-over-an-ex-boyfriend/?slide=2
- ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201202/4-science-based-strategies-getting-over-ex
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g1944/how-to-get-over-an-ex-boyfriend/?slide=3
- ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201202/4-science-based-strategies-getting-over-ex
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/07/fashion/how-to-get-over-that-ex.html?_r=0
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201202/4-science-based-strategies-getting-over-ex
- ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10079017/Just-been-dumped-Learn-how-to-get-over-it.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201310/why-can-t-i-get-over-my-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201202/4-science-based-strategies-getting-over-ex
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10079017/Just-been-dumped-Learn-how-to-get-over-it.html
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10079017/Just-been-dumped-Learn-how-to-get-over-it.html
About This Article
Marriage & Family Therapist
This article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). This article has been viewed 108,040 times.
Co-authors: 9
Updated: May 11, 2024
Views: 108,040
Categories: Youth Dating | Heartbreak and Breaking Up
Article SummaryX
Even though it can be hard, the best way to forget a girl who hurt you emotionally is to cut off contact. You may be tempted to text her or check her social media, but it’s less painful if you don’t communicate with, or see her, at all. It’s okay to let yourself feel sad, but once you’ve vented about your feelings with your friends, try not to bring her up again so you can focus on moving on. When you’re feeling ready, go on some dates, since a new connection can help you move forward too. For more tips, including how to get physical distance away from the girl who hurt you, read more!
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