This article was co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and by How.com.vn staff writer, Hannah Madden. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
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Much has been said over the years about the difficult mother-in-law—but what if the daughter-in-law is the one who sets the tone of contention and friction? If your relationship with your daughter-in-law is difficult and you feel like you're trying to walk through a minefield every time you get together, you're not alone. Fortunately, we’ve got the best tips to help you smooth over your relationship and be civil toward each other for years to come.
Things You Should Know
- Stay cordial and be polite with your daughter-in-law as much as you can.
- Set firm boundaries with her, and don’t let her (or your child) cross them.
- Avoid talking badly about her to your grandchildren or your child.
Steps
Conversation Starters to Deal with a Difficult Daughter in Law
Community Q&A
- QuestionThings have gotten so bad with my daughter-in-law that the only time I see her is when she drops off the kids for me to babysit two days a week. She doesn't seem to want to work it out. What can I do?Community AnswerEnjoy your grandchildren, and know you will always have a good relationship with them when they are adults. She has her own issues she needs to deal with, and if she treats you like that, you are better off having limited contact with her.
- QuestionWhat can I do if my daughter in law does not listen to the rules of my house?Community AnswerYou can compromise with her, or you can ask your son and his wife to leave your house.
- QuestionMy daughter-in-law stole our property paper, and it was signed by my husband in favor of me. She always used to say that it is my house and it is my decision who will stay here. What do I do?Community AnswerIt doesn't matter who physically holds the document in their hand. The property is legally vested in someone's name via a recorded document at your chancery clerk's office. Check with them and get a copy of the vesting deed, and then see an attorney to transfer the property to your name.
Video
Tips
- Keep in mind that your daughter-in-law may just be shy or dealing with other things in her life. Give her the benefit of the doubt as much as you can.Thanks
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about in-laws, check out our in-depth interview with Chloe Carmichael, PhD.
References
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-you-dont-approve-of-your-adult-childs-relationship#exploring-your-displeasure
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mate-relate-and-communicate/201310/have-in-law-issues
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-you-dont-approve-of-your-adult-childs-relationship/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-you-dont-approve-of-your-adult-childs-relationship#exploring-your-displeasure
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-difficult-family-relationships.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mate-relate-and-communicate/201310/have-in-law-issues
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-the-questions/201503/20-expert-tactics-for-dealing-with-difficult-people
- ↑ https://www.aarp.org/relationships/grandparenting/info-11-2010/goyer_grandparenting_advice.html
About This Article
To deal with your difficult daughter in law, try your best to stay cordial even if it’s difficult. After all, your child loves this woman and you should respect their choices. If your daughter-in-law insists on spending time with you, try to set boundaries so you can maintain some sanity. For example, if she stops by your house unannounced, say something like, “I’m sorry, but I need to do errands today. It would be better if you call ahead next time.” Just make sure to keep things civil and don’t bad-mouth her in front of your children or grandkids, which could put them in an awkward situation. To learn how to talk out a problem with your daughter-in-law, read on.
Reader Success Stories
- "The narrator was right on the money with advice to reset after each painful encounter. It helped me to read that "letting it go" was the best course of action. No reaction at all with difficult people maintains my boundary best."..." more
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