Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and by How.com.vn staff writer, Hannah Madden. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
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Every relationship has its ups and downs, but anger in a relationship can really take its toll. When we're frustrated, we say things we don't mean, and it's hard to make progress. Fortunately, there are ways you can combat anger and work together with your partner for the sake of your relationship. Read through these tips to control your emotions and resolve conflicts without letting it get the best of you.
Things You Should Know
- Step away from the situation and find some space and time to yourself. Take deep breaths to calm yourself down until you can think clearly.
- Think about what you want to say before you say it. Ask: Is this helpful? Does it communicate my needs?
- Identify the source of your anger and work with your partner to resolve it. Remember that "us versus the problem," not you against your partner.
Steps
How.com.vn Quiz: Do I Have Anger Issues?
Expert Q&A
- QuestionWhat causes anger in a relationship?
Chloe Carmichael, PhDChloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
Licensed Clinical PsychologistThere could be any number of things leading one of you to anger, but your question raises an important point. People rarely get angry for absolutely no reason. There's something triggering that anger, so getting to the source of that problem may lead to a resolution. - QuestionHow can I stop myself when I want to yell at my partner?Chloe Carmichael, PhDChloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
Licensed Clinical PsychologistIt seems counterintuitive, but try congratulating yourself. If you can recognize when you're about to have an outburst, that awareness can drastically bring you down to a better place.
Tips
References
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/7-anger-management-tips-to-prevent-relationship-damage
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/anger-management.htm
- ↑ https://www.mondaycampaigns.org/destress-monday/deep-breathing-heart-health
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/7-anger-management-tips-to-prevent-relationship-damage
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/anger-management.htm
- ↑ http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx
- ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/guides/first-1000-days/looking-after-yourself/anger-management-for-parents
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/anger-management.htm
- ↑ https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/uf9897
- ↑ https://ohioline.osu.edu/factsheet/HYG-5191
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/using-i-statements-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-you-and-me/201706/why-and-how-be-better-listener-in-your-relationship
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/HealthyLiving/relationships-and-communication#managing-conflict-with-communication
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/so-happy-together/201611/forgiving-your-partner
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
About This Article
If you are in a relationship and want to control your anger during a fight, try to give yourself time to think before you speak, so you can express yourself calmly and clearly. To calm both your body and mind, take deep breaths and repeat a calming phrase, like "relax" or "I am calm," which will remind you to keep your composure. When you express your thoughts to your partner, make sure to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, like "I feel really angry when you say things like that." That way, your partner won't feel like you are blaming them for your emotions. However, if things escalate too much, call a timeout by explaining that you need a second to regain your composure, but still want to talk later. For more advice from our co-author, like how to avoid further conflict, read on.
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