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Alterous attraction revolves around a desire for emotional closeness with someone, though it’s not totally romantic or fully platonic. Instead, it sits in a “gray area” between platonic and romantic attraction. If you're wondering if this could apply to you, you've come to the right article—we'll explain what it means to experience alterous attraction. We’ll also cover where the term first came from, how the Alterous Pride Flag came to be, and how to tell if you’re experiencing alterous attraction towards someone.
Things You Should Know
- Alterous attraction is a desire to have semi-romantic emotional intimacy with someone. It’s a blend of both romantic and platonic attraction and acts as a gray area between the two.
- Alterous attraction falls under the aromantic spectrum, which includes people who rarely or never experience romantic attraction.
- The term was coined on Tumblr in 2015. Later, another Tumblr user created the first Alterous Pride Flag, which features four stripes: yellow, gray, pink, and red.
Steps
Signs You’re Experiencing Alterous Attraction towards Someone
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You share a strong emotional connection, but you’re not “in love.” You still adore them. Maybe you even love them. But you haven’t quite “fallen” for them in a traditional romantic sense, and you don’t see it happening further down the line. They’re still incredibly important to you, but you don't necessarily get “butterflies” or feel giddy when you think about them.[9]- You might trust them and confide in them, and have them do the same in return, just as a romantic couple might do with each other.
You don’t see them as a partner, but they’re more than a friend. You spend a lot of time together—possibly to the point where people may sometimes assume you’re a couple. But despite how close you feel, they’re not “the one" in terms of romance, and that’s fine by you. You might not even want a person to be “the one” in your life—and that's totally valid![10]- You can absolutely still date and form relationships if you identify as alterous. For instance, you and an alterous partner may choose to be in a relationship with each other.
You may still have sex, but it hasn’t led to romantic feelings. You might feel a strong sexual attraction to each other and have great physical chemistry. Maybe this intimacy has even brought you closer, emotionally. But that closeness hasn’t quite evolved into romance—and maybe it doesn’t need to.[11]- You might still develop romantic feelings for some people, but not others. The kind of desire or attraction you feel can vary from person to person.
Expert Q&A
Tips
References
- ↑ https://uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/glossary-of-terms/
- ↑ https://www.aromanticism.org/en/attraction-relationship-terms
- ↑ https://depts.washington.edu/qcenter/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Aromanticism101_PrintableVersion-1.pdf
- ↑ https://www.aromanticism.org/en/attraction-relationship-terms
- ↑ https://arospecawarenessweek.tumblr.com/post/108521451012/idk-if-youre-still-interested-in-coined-terms
- ↑ https://arospecawarenessweek.tumblr.com/post/108521451012/idk-if-youre-still-interested-in-coined-terms
- ↑ https://alterous-albatross.tumblr.com/post/139033331540/thequeerspaceinvader-alterous-albatross
- ↑ https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/1106159
- ↑ https://disasterdemi.tumblr.com/post/654686926511685632/whats-alterous-attraction-what-does-it-feel
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