How to Accept Life the Way It Is

Understand and stop resisting your life and its mysteries

We've all said something like, "Life is not fair" at some point. This world can be unpredictable and confusing, but that doesn't mean we can't find peace and happiness withing it. The key is coming to understand your own perception, and trying to understand the perception of others. We talked to licensed counselor and psychotherapist Ira Israel to help you acknowledge your own viewpoint, look beyond it, and embrace the world around you.

Things You Should Know

Contemplate what you think about life, both your life and others, and why you think that to establish some understanding.
Talk to other people about how they see things and why. Other people often provide some valuable outside perspective.
Be honest about your feelings, then ask yourself if there are tangible ways you can improve them.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Acknowledging Your Point of View About Life

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1
Ask yourself what you think about your life. This can be a difficult task but it's an essential one. However, the first step is to understand your view. It may seem confronting but it is in facing your fears and unresolved issues that you can start to better understand your worldview and get to the heart of why you might have a tendency to see everything as a challenge. Many say that you choose to see the world in a certain way, that what worries you about it is your point of view. This is something you can change or, at least, align with realities that you might not have yet considered.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Things you might ask yourself about your view of life include: Is this right? Is this meant to be? Why can't I do it? Is there something wrong with me?
- It is okay to ask a friend or an adult about your perceptions, feelings and impressions.
- Life is not fair or unfair.
- You can think the glass is half empty or half full.
- You should understand why things happen. Then accept them instead of considering yourself a victim of some force you cannot control.
Whether you look at the way the world is, how it works, scientifically or spiritually, there are complexities and questions remaining unanswered. This is part of the mystery of life. For some, it represents an unfathomable hurdle; for others, it presents a challenge to discover, unravel and find out more. How you respond to the confusion all depends on you.^{[2]XResearch source}
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Start thinking about emotions and feelings. Your emotions are a crucial part of your entire makeup. However, some people choose to deny emotions and believe that being wholly rational is the only sane response in a difficult world. Such people tend to miss the reality that we are emotional beings and that denying our emotions serves us poorly. Moreover, it is impossible to rule out being emotional, as our unconscious self will still override what we think are "rational" decisions. On the other hand, some people choose to be purely emotional, and don't take the time to balance this with their more logical self. This can lead them to live in an emotional fugue, reacting too much to the emotions of others and overplaying everything that happens as a "drama". Either way is an unhealthy extreme; the idea is to seek your balance and develop both parts of yourself healthily.^{[3]XResearch source}
- People's feelings are reflected in their faces, body language, words and actions. Sometimes, these feelings are confused, and you can misread intentions or meaning. Spend time listening to other people, to learn what they really mean underneath their commonplace words.^{[4]XResearch source} This is a skill that will help you to relate better and will also help you to understand your own behaviors at times. Ultimately, this skill will help you to develop self- and other-compassion.^{[5]XResearch source}

Part 2

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Looking Beyond Your Point of View

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Look around you. See the world in both its beauty and non-beauty. What is beautiful to you? What is not? Your perception is unique to you and whether or not something is beautiful or bearable or soul-destroying is impacted by your view. One person may see beauty where another sees none at all.
- Try changing your perspective. Look up, down, and straight ahead. Don't limit where you look––walk around things, scratch deeper, seek meaning beyond what is right in front of you. Many people don't look in various directions, choosing instead to always see things from the same perspective and eye level at all times; that is why many people miss the things that change the ordinary into extraordinary.^{[6]XResearch source}
Respect other people's points of view. Ask about your friends' or family members' views.These views may be very different from your own, and may even be polar opposites.Yet, try to accept these views instead of resisting them. At the same time that you accept, seek to understand why they hold the views they have.You are starting to accept what life brings, in all its variety, both pleasing and jarring.You are slowly getting there.^{[7]XResearch source}
Everything and everyone is important. Don't abuse, or hurt the creatures. They were here before we were born and will live when we fall.^{[8]XResearch source}

Part 3

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Assessing Your Acceptance

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If you answer no, and it's because you feel that society fails to meet your point of view, then please read on. If yes, then you have completed your mission and congrats.
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Try to fix your perception of society. Or, simply move on, acknowledging the discordance between your point of view and the society in which you're living. Throughout history, there have always been people who have felt strong discomfort with the society they're part of. Some have used this to actively seek change; others have quietly found pathways to work around the social mores and practices that they feel would otherwise stifle them. Find your own way to work around what you don't much like about your society. Try to see the broader picture, that you are a part of humanity as a whole, and that it is a wonder to be part of consciousness.
- Remember, it can be easier to blame an external "something" as being the ruination of your own chance to thrive. But that is a form of giving up; where there is a will, however quiet and humble, there is always a way. Protect your own right to thrive through education, learning, connecting with people in your community in positive ways and finding the tools and skills to achieve the things that matter to you.
Try to make friends with everyone whether you like them or not. It becomes a positive habit for you to practice, which soon enough evolves into an attractive attitude that others sense immediately. Let go of any ideas that it is not possible to befriend a person whose ideas and points of view don't align with yours. Always seek what both of you have in common and begin there, whether it's a love of music, a desire to rid the street of litter or a need to change the world. Ask questions and listen politely until you find that connection point with others around you.^{[9]XTrustworthy SourceHelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.Go to source}
Congrats on working through your points of view and looking for ways to thrive in what can be a confusing and unsettling world. Seek your own pathways to being happy and smile as often as you can. Ultimately, accept life for what it is and learn to thrive within what you have.

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What if I'm a shy/introverted person?
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In today's society there is a certain stigma attached to a quiet, more introspective life. It is not essential for everyone to be loud and gregarious. Accept and understand the self first and foremost. You do not need to post your every move or thought on Facebook or sing your heart out in front of everyone, but that makes you no less important or great. Acceptance of self and the world we live in, acknowledgement, ownership and understanding of thoughts and feelings are important. Be gentle with yourself, you are amazing. Simple fact, perception of such is key.
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How can acceptance change the situation itself?
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It doesn't change the situation. It changes your perspective of the situation. For example, if you saw life as unfair and pointless, this might change if you accept that life just is, not something value-laden, allowing you to see life as something precious and worthy. Basically, acceptance changes how you think.
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How can I get rid of doubts about my relationship?
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You have to talk to your partner. Tell him/her about what is bothering you and talk it over together. Brainstorm possible solutions to your doubts - whether he/she needs to check in by text more often, or you need couples counseling, or any other changes that might make you feel better. If he/she is unwilling to have the conversation or change - maybe you have doubts for a reason.
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Tips

Take breaks in life. Whether it's a weekend with the cell phone and email switched off or a sabbatical in your studies or career, breaks can sometimes give you the sense of renewal you need to overcome harder times in life. A reinvigorated perspective can often lead to better things.
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Learn how to relax. Relaxation teaches you to keep calm, to find space to reflect on life and to take things in your stride. Not allowing yourself relaxation time can result in pent-up stress, liable to break forth when you're least able to cope. Relaxing is not being lazy––remove that criticism from your mind.
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Don't assume that life is all about perseverance. Knowing when to hang in and knowing when to quit is a fine balancing act that requires plenty of reflection. Sometimes, quitting is the best thing you can do, when something clearly isn't working and isn't something that works with your strengths.
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Warnings

You may be stressed for a while trying to find yourself.^{[10]XResearch source} Give yourself the okay to explore and the space in which to do this, so that this stress can be somewhat relieved.
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