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You’ve seen it all over TikTok and Instagram: users saying they’re entering their "villain era” or that they’re in their “villain arc.” In a nutshell, a “villain era” is a decision someone makes to stand up for themselves and set boundaries, regardless of what other people think, but there’s more to it than that. We’ll tell you all about what a “villain era” is, how to embrace your own villain era, and fill you in on some related terms to equip you with the lingo you need to build a better, happier you.
Things You Should Know
- A “villain era” is when someone decides to prioritize themselves, even if others find it disagreeable.
- Embrace your own villain era by setting boundaries, learning to say “no” more often, and asking for what you want, whether or not it makes others uncomfortable.
- The term likely originated on TikTok and other social media as a feminist response to societal expectations that women be passive or work to please others.
Steps
Embracing Your Villain Era
- Set personal boundaries to protect your mental health. Every relationship needs boundaries, whether it’s a relationship with a romantic partner, family member, friend, or coworker. To set boundaries, first think about what you need to be your best self—personal space to feel comfortable, more time on a project at work, for someone to refer to you a certain way, etc. Then, communicate that need and explain why it’s necessary, and why it’ll help everyone involved.[5]
- For example, if you need some space from a friend, say, “Hey, I really enjoy spending time with you, but I feel like I need more me-time for my own mental health, and so I can enjoy our friendship more.”
- Learn how to say “no” to protect your time and energy. If you routinely take on extra work or submit to requests that make you uncomfortable, you might be a bit of a people pleaser. Part of your villain-era journey is learning to protect your own comfort and mental health, and that means starting to say “no” to things that you don’t have the energy, time, or mental bandwidth to do.[6] The more you say “no,” the more people will think twice before they make unrealistic requests of you.
- For example, if your boss assigns you yet another project, you might say, “Can we talk about my work load? I worry that having so much on my plate is spreading me thin and hurting my performance. Can we get another employee on this project?”
- Ask for what you want, when you want it. Too often, we refuse to ask for things we need, held back by the worry that it will make us look greedy or demanding. But the only way to get help is to ask others for it and let them know you need it. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, after all.[7] At the very least, there’s no harm in making your desires known. Worst case, you don’t get them. But best case? You get everything.
- For example, if your friends want to see a particular movie you have no interest in, you might say, “I don’t think I’ll like that movie, and I don’t want to spend money on it. How about we see this instead?”
- You may need to compromise, but compromise is better than going unheard. If you don’t see that movie now, maybe your friends will agree to see it next week.
- Ditch people-pleasing, and don’t apologize for who you are. People pleasing is a dangerous trap, because the reality is that you’ll never please everyone. Stop people pleasing by turning inward and focusing on pleasing yourself. Think: What do you value? What makes you happy? Focus on achieving your own satisfaction before satisfying anyone else. You may find that the people around you will start giving more of themselves, in turn.
- Also, don’t be afraid to be yourself! Changing yourself for another person only makes them more comfortable, not you.
- Be kind and compassionate, not an actual villain. You don’t have to actually be a villain in your villain era. Even as you start asserting your boundaries, saying no, and giving up people-pleasing, doing so with kindness and compassion helps others to see your perspective and understand your needs.[8] Communicate with patience, and always treat others as you want to be treated.
- Also, avoid assigning blame, and focus on the things you yourself have control over. When you focus the discussion on yourself, it encourages the people around you to be more responsible, as well.
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Everyone’s villain era looks different, and at its heart it’s all about doing what makes you happy, despite what others think.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://slang.net/meaning/villain_era
- ↑ https://www.vogue.in/culture-and-living/content/its-okay-to-set-boundaries-but-lets-not-call-it-the-villain-era
- ↑ https://www.vogue.in/culture-and-living/content/its-okay-to-set-boundaries-but-lets-not-call-it-the-villain-era
- ↑ https://slang.net/meaning/villain_era
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happy-healthy-relationships/202106/setting-boundaries-efficiently
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200510/just-say-no
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/handy-hints-humans/201708/do-you-ask-what-you-want
- ↑ https://www.vogue.in/culture-and-living/content/its-okay-to-set-boundaries-but-lets-not-call-it-the-villain-era
- ↑ https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/corporate-villain-era-tiktok
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