Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
This article has been viewed 163,538 times.
Having a mutually-respectful and fulfilling relationship with your Mom as you get older is not always easy. However, if you can build a solid relationship with your mother, you will find that it will be rewarding to talk and get closer with her. The most important thing you must do is agree to disagree. Nothing comes of senseless, circular arguments.
Steps
Hold your tongue. Do not say rude things that are unnecessary, whether they are true or false. Saying things that will further agitate a situation will do nothing to improve your relationship with your mother.[1]
Agree to disagree. No matter what, Mom will always think she knows what's best for her baby, and you will always be her baby. Tell her that she is entitled to her opinion, but that you feel differently. Include a statement like "Thank you for your advice, Mom, but I have decided that having children does not fit into my life plan." Expressing your opinion in a calm fashion will make her feel like you aren't attacking her.ship with your Mother.[2]Advertisement
Be appreciative of the things your Mom (or parents) do for you. They took the time to raise you and provide for you. Be sure to thank them when they do something nice for you. This will let your Mom know that you appreciate her.[3]
Do not share your entire world with Mom. If you know that she sorely objects to the amount of money you spend on your car, do not bring it up in conversation. Understand that she will likely never understand your view on certain subjects and avoid them in conversation. This does not pertain to subjects that must be discussed, like children, spouses, abuse or other serious family matters.
If you decide to keep certain matters private from your Mom, stick to it. Even if she needles you to discuss a private subject, politely tell her that you do not want to talk about it. If you stick to your guns, she may be frustrated at first but soon learn that her meddling is to no avail.
Take your space when you need it. If you know your Mom needs a few days to recover from an argument, don't pressure her to talk about it too soon. Doing so may cause tensions to continue to rise.[4]
Know when to step away from a conversation that could turn toxic. If you sense that tensions are rising, say that you are aware of her opinion and simply walk away. Be sure to physically separate yourself from tension; take a walk, a bike ride, or go into your room and listen to music. Take deep breaths to calm yourself.[5]
Don't let your mother insult you, even in an argument. It is not okay for someone to say cruel things to you, even if she is your mother. Certain boundaries should never be permeated. Show your mother the same respect and refrain from insulting her or cussing at her.[6]
If you feel like counseling services, conversations with your mother, or other methods of learning to get along better are no longer working, try to find alternative living situations as soon as possible. This can be either temporary or permanent. Keep in mind that if you leave home, you may not be permitted to move back in at a later stage.
Expert Q&A
- QuestionHow do I communicate respectively with my parents?
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Marriage & Family TherapistCommunicate assertively while acknowledging the difference in authority. As you grow older and become more independent, expressing your feelings, needs, and wants regarding a situation becomes vital. Simply stating your perspective clearly and straightforwardly is key. Fear of potential consequences or reactions from parents often holds people back from asserting themselves. However, it's crucial to recognize that both parties have rights and needs that deserve respect. Effective communication involves treating each other as equals, regardless of age. Both parents and their adult children should strive to understand and respect each other's viewpoints. Acting and communicating assertively establishes healthy boundaries while fostering mutual respect. Ultimately, open and respectful communication is essential for maintaining positive relationships and resolving conflicts within the family dynamic.
Tips
- Give each other personal space.Thanks
- Walk away if your mother gets hostile! The best for solution for many arguments (but not all!) is personal space.Thanks
- Don't fight unnecessarily. If you do fight try to resolve immediately. Don't let the fight go on forever.Thanks
Warnings
- You can't push a rope. Be aware that your Mom may be set in her ways (and quite stubborn).Thanks
- Seek professional help if you feel your relationship with your mother is not positively changed using the information provided. Many colleges and universities offer free or low-cost counseling services.Thanks
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC.
References
- ↑ https://www.udel.edu/canr/cooperative-extension/fact-sheets/comunications-skills-your-family/
- ↑ https://www.psycom.net/healthy-relationship-parents
- ↑ https://www.psycom.net/healthy-relationship-parents
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-a-little-space-and-time-can-help-heal-a-relationship-crisis/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201802/7-strategies-deal-difficult-family-members
- ↑ https://www.drswerdlow-freed.com/improving-communication-between-parents-and-teenagers/
About This Article
If you want to have a solid relationship with your mother, you’ll need to learn to stand up to her in a respectful manner. Simply agree to disagree about matters that you can’t see eye to eye on rather than fight about them. You can even thank her for her advice, but let her know that you’ve decided to do what you feel is best. For example, if she's pressuring you into starting a family, simply tell her "Thanks for your advice, Mom, but children don't fit into my life plan right now." If tensions continue to rise, tell her that you’re aware of her opinion and simply walk away so you both have time to calm down. In cases when you wind up arguing, avoid insulting your mom and don’t let her insult you either. To learn how to keep certain parts of your life private from your mother, keep reading!
Reader Success Stories
"It feels like every time I try to please my mom she's never happy. I try to by a great son to her but all she cares about is grades. I've had it."..." more
Did this article help you?
⚠️ Disclaimer:
Content from Wiki How English language website. Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License; additional terms may apply.
Wiki How does not encourage the violation of any laws, and cannot be responsible for any violations of such laws, should you link to this domain, or use, reproduce, or republish the information contained herein.
- - A few of these subjects are frequently censored by educational, governmental, corporate, parental and other filtering schemes.
- - Some articles may contain names, images, artworks or descriptions of events that some cultures restrict access to
- - Please note: Wiki How does not give you opinion about the law, or advice about medical. If you need specific advice (for example, medical, legal, financial or risk management), please seek a professional who is licensed or knowledgeable in that area.
- - Readers should not judge the importance of topics based on their coverage on Wiki How, nor think a topic is important just because it is the subject of a Wiki article.
