How to Deal with Someone Who Hates You

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Haters gonna hate—but what are YOU gonna do?

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Navigating the Situation

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Analyzing the Situation

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Coping Emotionally

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Warnings

Haters, like mosquitos, are a natural and unpleasant part of life. But as annoying as mosquitos are, at least they won’t say unkind things about you behind your back (or to your face) or physically confront you or any of the numerous nasty things haters might do. So how do you deal with someone who hates you? It’s a tough situation to be in, but we’re in your corner: we’ve outlined the many ways to react to someone who’s got it out for you, from avoiding them to confronting them head-on. Check it out below.

Things You Should Know

Avoid your hater when you can, but if you must engage, try to stay calm and collected.
Reflect on your interactions with them to try to understand why they hate you and patch things up if you can, but realize there may not be any valid reason for them to dislike you.
Emotionally detach yourself from the situation and realize they’re not worth your time—you have more important things to dedicate your energy to.

Section 1 of 3:

Navigating the Situation

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1
Walk away from your hater. Avoiding a confrontation with someone who hates you does not mean that you are admitting defeat or accepting the reality that a perfect solution cannot be reached. Instead, it demonstrates that you have complete control over the situation by not engaging in their negativity.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Haters never offer constructive criticism or positive feedback, only criticism. If you already know this already, then there is absolutely no reason to have a dialogue with them.
- Listening to a hater will only ruin your day. All the negativity will do is hurt your feelings, make you angry, or incite you to participate in their pessimistic attitude.
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Stay calm when engaging with them. You may not always be able to avoid your hater, but if you must interact with them, it’s imperative to stay cool. A hater will try to get under your skin whenever they can, and remaining calm may ensure a physical confrontation doesn’t occur. Stay level-headed and understand that a hater does not deserve a response from you, especially in the form of retaliation.^{[2]XTrustworthy SourceStopBullying.govWebsite run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullyingGo to source}
- By staying calm and not responding to their attacks you demonstrate that their opinions and destructive comments are not valued by you. Eventually, this may reveal to them that attacking your character is a waste of time.
- Remaining calm will conserve your energy for more positive pursuits. Do not waste your time or energy on a situation that does not deserve your attention.
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Do not try to appease your hater. Your hater may try to bully you into admitting or explaining mistakes in front of others to reveal your imperfect self (and to make themselves seem more powerful). And you may be tempted to go along to get along, but remember that they’re not trying to get along with you here: they’re trying to exert power over you. Never justify, explain, or apologize for anything until they approach you in a respectful and sensible manner.^{[3]XResearch source}
- Value your self-worth and don’t degrade yourself to their level unless they treat you with the respect you deserve as a person.
- Shut down their hateful comments with witty or sarcastic retorts like, "Well bless your heart!" or "Preach!" or pull an Emperor Palpatine and say, "Good...good...let the hate flow through you."
- Even if they have valid complaints, this isn’t the way they need to handle them. Offer to speak with them alone if you feel comfortable with it, and tell them that you won’t tolerate disrespect.
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Limit your interaction with them. This might be difficult to do if you work with this person or have to deal with them on a daily basis, but you can take steps to limit your exposure to them. Limiting facetime will reduce how many times a day you have to take evasive action or submit yourself to their hate.^{[4]XTrustworthy SourceStopBullying.govWebsite run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullyingGo to source}
- Simple changes to your daily schedule will throw the timing off just enough to help you avoid the hater. Try taking your breaks at work at different times; come home later in the day or leave earlier in the morning if the hater is your neighbor or roommate; or stay in different rooms of the house during holidays if the hater is an extended family member.
- In each of these cases, if you come into contact with the hater, then either politely excuse yourself and exit the area or try to keep things neutral and unemotional if you must interact with them. Avoid bringing up topics that provide an opportunity for the hater to become negative towards you.

Section 2 of 3:

Analyzing the Situation

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1
Reflect on past interactions to understand the source of their hatred. Think about your past encounters with the hater. There might be absolutely nothing you can do to change their behavior, but you might discover upon reflection that their hate is rooted in a single conversation, action, or event that could easily be rectified. This doesn’t mean that you have to make an effort to resolve the problem; rather, it will allow you to identify the source of hate and provide you with the knowledge of how better to live your life around the hater if you choose.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Perhaps you left them with a bad first impression when you first met. If you suspect this is the case, consider trying to let the hater get to know you a little better. Their attitude might change.
- If you’re a bit socially anxious, it’s possible your hater mistook shyness for rudeness and believed you were their hater first. Making an effort to say hello to them may make them reconsider their attitude.
- They may be jealous of your achievements, or perhaps you advertise your success in a way that another person might perceive as boastful. In this case, try toning it down for the sake of peace.
- Joking or horsing around could also lead to issues with haters who are miserable or not part of the “in” crowd. Either try to include everybody in the fun, or simply cut it out when the hater is present.
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Avoid taking responsibility for their feelings. At the end of the day, the issue the hater has with you is their problem and not yours. The quicker you realize this, the quicker you can come to peace with the situation. Anyway, most haters have no real basis for their animosity.^{[6]XExpert SourceSirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
Clinical PsychologistExpert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- The most direct way of dealing with the problem is to ask them what their problem with you is if they have not already made it clear. If it is their own personal problem, tell them to seek help and leave you out of it.
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Put yourself in your hater’s shoes. You may pore over your past interactions with them and still have no clue why they hate you, but putting yourself in their shoes may help you understand why they act the way they do. The reasons may have nothing to do with you at all, but observing the situation from a new perspective may help you rationalize their ugly behavior.
- Remember that “hurt people hurt people.” Have you ever met a happy, well-adjusted person who was a bully? Consider that your hater may be deeply unhappy, and this is why they’re lashing out.^{[7]XTrustworthy SourceStopBullying.govWebsite run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullyingGo to source}
- Showing empathy doesn’t mean you have to excuse their behavior or be kind to them, but it may give you some perspective that can make interacting with them a little more bearable.

Section 3 of 3:

Coping Emotionally

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1
Detach yourself emotionally. Until you emotionally detach yourself from the harassment of a hater, your life will be consumed by fear and discomfort, neither of which makes for a happy existence. You never want to give up on somebody in life, but sometimes you have to prioritize your relationships and what fits your lifestyle. A relationship with a hater is usually toxic, draining, and unhealthy. In an already busy world, these are 3 things that you can do without.
- Life is fragile, and it’s important to surround yourself with healthy and supportive people who care about you. Make sure to seek out friends and family when dealing with a hater to support you through the experience.^{[8]XTrustworthy SourceStopBullying.govWebsite run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullyingGo to source}
- When dealing with a hater, make sure you spend time every day building up your emotional stamina by performing relaxation exercises, focusing on your goals, and being social. This will help ease your mind and reduce your anger and anxiety toward the hater.
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Remain positive. Remain positive by doing the things you love and engaging with the people you care about. This will distract you from the situation and help you find your inner peace. You might even want to be nice or friendly to the hater. It is generally harder to hate somebody who is consistently friendly and makes an effort to include everybody. In other words, give them fewer reasons to hate you.^{[9]XExpert SourceSirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
Clinical PsychologistExpert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Take what the hater says with a grain of salt. Whatever a hater says, no matter how close to the truth they may twist it, never take it to heart. Just let it bounce off your skin and forgive and forget.^{[10]XTrustworthy SourceStopBullying.govWebsite run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullyingGo to source}
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Strengthen your self-confidence. The more you build your self-confidence, the easier it’ll be to ignore your hater’s mean behavior. Self-confidence gives you the power to look at all situations in a positive or neutral way, even with haters. Don’t allow the hater to make you a victim.^{[11]XExpert SourceSirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
Clinical PsychologistExpert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Try not to dedicate any of your spare time to dwelling on the hater. Instead, stay positive and think about things that are actually important.
- Remind yourself that what they say is a reflection on themselves, and has no bearing on your worth.^{[12]XTrustworthy SourceStopBullying.govWebsite run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullyingGo to source}

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Warnings

If the bullying persists, worsens, or becomes physically aggressive, tell someone you trust, like a teacher, a parent, or your boss.
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