How to Deal with Bullies at School

Remember that old schoolyard jingle, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? That was not and certainly is not the truth today. Three-quarters of all children say they have been bullied or teased.^{[1]XResearch source} Bullying and teasing are similar, but one of the key differences between them is intention. Teasing becomes bullying when it is a repetitive behavior with the conscious intention to harm or hurt another child.^{[2]XResearch source} Bullying is one of the largest problems in schools, where the percentage of students reporting bullying at least once a week has steadily increased since 1999, according to the FBI.^{[3]XResearch source} Bullying can make kids feel hurt, scared, lonely, embarrassed, and sad. In addition, it can also make kids fearful of and unwilling to attend school. Here are some tips on how to deal with bullies at school.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Telling Someone

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1
Tell a parent or guardian about the bullying.^{[4]XExpert SourceKatie Styzek
Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 25 November 2020.} If you are being bullied, it's very important to tell an adult first and foremost. ^{[5]XResearch source}
- Tell your parents the entire story. Parents are here to help and want to know what is going on with you. Your parents, moreover, may then be able to get in touch with staff at the school in order to try to stop the bullying. This is important particularly if you don't feel comfortable telling your teacher or fear retribution from the bully.
- It's useful if you keep a diary of everything that happens. That way you can let your parents and other adults know about specific incidents.
2
Report bullying and victimization incidents to the school. Inform teachers, principals, and other school helpers.^{[6]XResearch source} These individuals have the power to intervene and help stop bullying.^{[7]XExpert SourceKatie Styzek
Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 25 November 2020.} Sometimes bullies stop as soon as a teacher finds out because they're afraid they'll get in trouble.
- Teachers are especially important resources if you're being bullied. They can provide protection from bullying by letting you stay in the classroom during recess or by setting up a buddy system on your behalf.
- It's important to let your school know about any bullying incidents because there may be other kids being bullied by the same person.^{[8]XResearch source}
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3
Talk openly about bullying. Just talking to someone about your experience can bring you a bit of relief. Good people to talk to include a guidance counselor, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful solutions, but should not be approached in lieu of telling your parents or school personnel. Just talking about what you're experiencing and feeling can help you feel less alone.
- Some children have reported real success from peer counseling programs at their schools. ^{[9]XResearch source}
4
Don't be afraid to speak up.^{[10]XExpert SourceKatie Styzek
Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 25 November 2020.} Telling an adult is not tattling. Bullying is not a small or trivial matter; it is wrong and it helps if everyone who gets bullied or witnesses someone else being bullied speaks up.^{[11]XResearch source}
- Remember that you cannot tackle bullying by yourself. No one can, not even adults. Getting help is the right thing to do when dealing with abuse, bullying, harassment, or assault.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Avoiding the Bully

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1
Avoid the bully wherever possible. Don't give them a chance to bully you by preventing run-ins between the two of you.^{[12]XResearch source}
- Think ahead about where you usually run into the bully. Avoid those places.
- Try taking a different route from your home to school and also different routes within the school itself.
- Don't skip classes or go into hiding. You have a right to be at school and benefit from education.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1169 How.com.vn readers who've dealt with bullies in the past, and most people (33% of our readers) agreed that the best thing you can do is avoid the bully as much as possible. [Take Poll]
- Given that only 19% of people suggested confronting a bully, it's fair to say that ignoring is more effective than standing your ground.
2
Feel good about who you are. Ask yourself what makes you feel and look your best. Emphasize your strengths, talents, and goals. Feeling good about yourself will make you feel more confident and help build your self-esteem. It will also help you be more self-assured at school and perhaps less fearful of running into the person bullying you.^{[13]XTrustworthy SourceNational Health Service (UK)Public healthcare system of the UKGo to source}
- For example, do you want to be more fit? If so, maybe you decide to spend less time on the couch watching TV and more time exercising.
- Write down a list of your favorite qualities about yourself. Read over the list each morning before school to boost your confidence.^{[14]XExpert SourceKatie Styzek
  Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 25 November 2020.}
- Spend time with friends who have a positive influence. Playing sports or participating in clubs are good activities to help build positive friendships and confidence.^{[15]XResearch source}
3
Stand tall and keep your composure. Sometimes just acting brave is enough to stop a bully from approaching and intimidating you.^{[16]XResearch source}
- By standing tall and holding your head high, you send the message that you are not to be messed with.^{[17]XResearch source}
- Acting and even feeling brave is easier when you feel confident and good about yourself. It is also something you can practice. Practice walking with your head up, looking at people, and greeting anyone you know who looks back at you. Practice using a strong and assertive tone of voice (and not shouting). Remember, practice makes perfect. ^{[18]XResearch source}
4
Use the buddy-system. If you're trying to avoid being bullied, two people are stronger than one. For example, walk with a friend or a group of friends to school, or hang out with them at recess.^{[19]XExpert SourceKatie Styzek
Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 25 November 2020.} In other words, make sure to have friends surrounding you wherever and whenever you think you might run in to the bully.^{[20]XResearch source}
- If you have a buddy, remember to be a buddy. Offer to be there for a friend if you know he or she has bully trouble. Act if you see a friend being bullied; after all, you know how hard it is to be bullied. Tell an adult, stand with your friend being bullied, and tell the bully to stop.^{[21]XResearch source} Support those you see being hurt with words of kindness.^{[22]XResearch source}
5
Ignore the bully if they say or do something to you. As much as you can, try to ignore the bully's threats. Pretend you can't hear them and try to leave the situation immediately and go to a safe place.^{[23]XResearch source}
- Bullies are always looking for a reaction to their teasing. Pretending that you don't notice or care (even if you do care on the inside) may stop a bully's behavior because they are not getting the reaction they expect and want.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Standing up for Yourself

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It is not your fault that you are being harassed. You, like everyone else, deserve to feel safe.
2
Say "no." Tell the bully "No, stop it!" in a loud, assertive voice and then leave if you feel you need to.^{[24]XResearch source}
- You can also say something straight-forward like, "Stop bothering me."^{[25]XExpert SourceKatie Styzek
  Professional School CounselorExpert Interview. 25 November 2020.}
- Standing up to the bully, simply by saying "no," sends a message that you are not afraid and will not accept his or her behavior. Bullies tend to go after kids who don't stick up for themselves and who they think will take their abuse and do whatever they say.
- There's always strength in numbers. Kids can stand up for each other by telling a bully to stop teasing or scaring someone else, and then walk away together.
3
Shield your feelings. Plan ahead. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing you're upset?
- Try to distract yourself. Count backwards from 100, sing your favorite song inside your head, spell words backwards, etc. Keep your mind occupied until you are out of the situation so that you can moderate your feelings and not give the bully his or her desired reaction.
4
Don't bully back. Don't hit, kick, or push as a way to deal with someone bullying you or your friends.^{[26]XResearch source} Fighting back satisfies bullies because it shows them that they can get to you.
- Fighting back can also be dangerous. If you fight with the bully and win, you might think that you are more powerful than everyone then end up becoming a bully yourself. Someone could get hurt and you could get in trouble. It's best to stay with others, stay safe, and find the nearest adult.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Making your School Bully-Free

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1
Get everyone on board. This means getting the entire school -- teachers, administrators, and the students -- to agree to make your school a bully-free zone.^{[27]XResearch source}
- Even those indirectly involved in the school, such as bus drivers, need to support and receive training on anti-bullying measures.^{[28]XResearch source}
2
Put words into action. It takes more than an assembly or a bunch of signs pronouncing a bully-free zone to truly create a bully-free environment for students.
- Change how kids think about other students. For example, creating an anti-bullying program may involve creating lesson plans whereby children learn more about other kids, especially those who come from different backgrounds, identities, ethnicities, and cultures, or different learning styles or abilities.^{[29]XResearch source} Or, teachers might teach cooperation by assigning group projects, which help students learn how to compromise and assert themselves without being too demanding.^{[30]XResearch source}
- Rules about bullying and its consequences should be discussed and posted publicly in the school, sent home to parents, and put in community newspapers to create a universal awareness of the issue. This will begin the process of large-scale transformation.^{[31]XResearch source}
3
Create greater surveillance. Most bullying in schools occurs in areas that have less supervision by adults, like school buses, cafeterias, restrooms, hallways, and locker rooms.^{[32]XResearch source}
- Schools need to address these areas by enhancing the monitoring of these spaces by additional adults or using enhanced security techniques including closed-circuit cameras.^{[33]XResearch source}
- Schools can also establish anonymous reporting tools like suggestion boxes or hotlines where students can send text messages or leave voicemails.^{[34]XResearch source}

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How can avoid the person bullying me?
Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.
Katie Styzek
Professional School Counselor
Expert Answer
Bullies tend to pick on students who are alone, so try to hang around other people during lunch, recess, and after school. If the bully doesn't stop, remember that it's okay to tell your parents or an adult at school you trust!
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Don't think of yourself as a horrible person. You're amazing! You should love yourself for who you are. Bullies are insecure about themselves, that's why they bully others.
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You are not a tattletale if you tell an adult you are getting bullied. When you tattletale, you say something like, "So-and-so is chewing gum in class!" Saying something like, "So-and-so hit me at recess." When you tattletale, you report something that is not physical and not your business.
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