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This article was co-authored by Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA.
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Being bullied can be devastating and hurtful. It hurts our feelings, and many people who are bullied develop depression, anxiety, loneliness, and physical problems like headaches and stomachaches.[1] You can deter a bully by employing techniques that shut down bullying and make the bully grow bored of harassing you.
Steps
Ignore the bully. The easiest technique to try if you’re being bullied is to simply Ignore a Bully. It’s no fun for them to pick on someone who ignores them. Avoid replying to any of their insults or threats, and many times you will find that they grow bored of bullying you and will stop doing it.
Avoid retaliation. Don’t come down to the bully’s level and retaliate against them. They want to see you lose your cool and fight back physically or verbally. Refusing to retaliate will make your bully bored because they aren’t getting the angry or emotional reaction that they wanted from you.[2]Advertisement
Be assertive. Make eye contact, square your shoulders, and firmly ask the bully to leave you alone. This is especially disengaging for bullies who have counted on you to be a meek, easy target. Showing that you’re strong and unwilling to accepting teasing and taunting might be enough to make the bully tired of bullying you.[3]- Even if you feel intimidated or scared, unless you’re in imminent physical danger, assertively standing up to your bully builds confidence, and bullies will quickly grow bored with calm, collected people who don’t respond to their harassment.
Prepare effective comebacks. Bullies count on you being submissive to their taunts and harassment. However, if you think about strategic things to say ahead of time to deter the bully, you might make them give up on harassing you.[4]- Some examples of good comebacks include “Is that the best you can do?” or “You’re acting like a bully. Please stop.” Laughing and saying their criticisms are ridiculous is also a great way to disengage a bully.[5]
- Kill them with kindness. Take their taunts as a compliment and pretend to agree with everything they say. For example, if someone harasses you about an incident that happened a long time ago, tell them they have a sharp memory and ask them how they can remember so far back.
Don’t become emotional. Bullies thrive on getting a reaction from the people they harass. Bullying makes them feel powerful and important. However, if you remain calm and avoid crying, yelling, or otherwise engaging your bully, they will eventually get bored of picking on you.[6]
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Walk away from the situation. If the bully is online or only throwing around insults in person, then you can simply walk away from the situation. Physically removing yourself from the bully will shut them down because you are no longer there to be the butt of their jokes and taunts. Eventually they will move on from harassing you because you’ve removed yourself from their presence.
Do your best to avoid physical altercations. This is especially important if your bully is older and bigger than you and walking away from the situation didn’t work. If they shove or push you, do your best to calmly walk away from the altercation. However, if they won’t let you walk away, do your best to Defend Yourself until you can get away from them.[7]- Put your arms up in front of your chest and face to deflect any incoming slaps or punches. Do your best to dodge any punches or kicks. As soon as you spot a friend or adult, shout to them that you need help. Bullies will usually stop physical altercations immediately when adults are around because the consequences for fighting are severe.
- Never throw the first punch or slap at your bully. If you do, you will probably get in just as much trouble as the bully.
- If the bully is physically hurting you, you cannot wait for them to become bored and leave you alone. Tell an adult immediately.
Employ the buddy system. If the bully is outnumbered by you and your friends, they will often be deterred from bullying you. Bullies also tend to stop harassing others when adults are around, so try to stay near a trusted adult at school. Avoid private settings where the bully could corner you and hurt you.[8]
Take a different route to school. If you know where your bully will be at a particular time, such as during their trip to and from school, avoid taking the same route. If possible, take the bus so there will be an adult around or ride with a friend or parent to school to minimize possible interaction time with the bully.[9]- Avoiding your bully doesn’t mean that they won or that you’re scared of them. It just means that you are looking out for your own safety and well-being.[10]
Block the bully online. There are different ways to Handle Cyber Bullying. If you have tried ignoring your bully and assertively asking them to stop harassing you, then you will need to block them on social media and email. Once they are blocked, be sure to adjust your privacy setting across all your social media accounts so that only your friends and family can see you and contact you.[11]- If you are being repeatedly harassed on social media, consider disabling comments on your social media accounts.[12]
- Some bullies might go so far as to create alternate accounts to regain access to you. Be skeptical of friend requests from people you don’t know. Only accept new followers and friend requests from people you know personally.[13]
- If the bully has your phone number, you might need to get a new number to make sure that they are completely cut off from you.
- Some newer phones have call block features which help you Block a Number from Texting You or calling you. Simply list the number as the one you want blocked, and you will have no further contact with that phone number.
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Keep evidence of cyberbullying. If your bully won’t go away, you might have to take corrective action by going to your teacher or the police. When you speak with a teacher, parent, or even the police, if needed, it will assist them in helping you if you have evidence of exactly what the bully is doing to you.- Take screenshots or photos of written threats so you have evidence of the bullying. Or, if they’re verbal threats, consider recording them with your phone to play back for a trusted adult.
Confide in a teacher or parent. Let your parents know what’s going on with your bully. If the bullying occurs at school, inform your teacher or school counselor that you are being bullied. They will intervene and help you, especially if you have witnesses or evidence to show the bullying.[14]
Inform the police. If things do not improve with your bully after involving other adults in your life, for safety purposes, you might need to involve the police. Bring a parent with you to help you file a police report or formal complaint.- Often, bullies will stop their bullying before you have to involve the police because most bullies are just insecure and attention seeking. However, don’t feel embarrassed if you do have to contact the authorities in the end. Remember that you are not the one in the wrong, and you have a fundamental right to feel safe when you leave your home or are online.
Report the bully on social media. Bullying violates the terms of service on many social media platforms like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Report instances of cyberbullying to the social media platform you’re using.[15]- Social media platforms take cyberbullying very seriously, and many times the platforms will disable or delete the bully’s account for violating their terms of service.
Remember that bullying affects everyone. The hostile, scary environment created in the presence of bullying is unpleasant for everyone, including innocent bystanders and those not being actively bullied. If you stop a bully, no matter which measures you use, you’re helping your peers, as well. Take pride in helping to make your school or online community a safe space.
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Expert Q&A
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- QuestionHow do I protect myself from cyberbullying?
Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyDDr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA.
Clinical PsychologistIf you are posting online on places such as YouTube, there is a certain amount of people out there who are not going to give you genuine feedback and are instead looking to say negative things. Because of this, there's something very important to be said for turning the comments off. If it's someone you know personally making negative comments, it is important for our own self esteem to tell that person that their treatment is disrespectful. Even though it's not going to undo the negative things they said, it will give you a chance to stand up for your own self esteem.
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Tips
- If bullying has led you to struggle with social anxiety in other situations, try to focus your energy towards building up yourself and inner-confidence. Avoiding negative self talk, remaining present, and practicing deep breathing are all practices that can help lessen social anxiety.[16]Thanks
- Just remember that all bullies want is a reaction. Don't give them what they want! Instead, try to remain calm and collected. When the bully learns that they cannot get a rise out of you, often they will leave you alone because they thrive on getting a rise out of you.Thanks
- Make a joke out of it! A lot of the time, bullies are only aiming for a negative reaction.Thanks
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Warnings
- Being bullied both online and in person can have devastating effects on some people. If you become depressed or anxious about your bullying, please seek professional help from a parent or other trusted adult.[17] Depression can bring with it thoughts of suicide or violence. If you’re experiencing suicidal and/or violent thoughts, please call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline confidentially at 988.[18]Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/bullying/hurt/index.html
- ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/31/living/bullying-fight-back/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/what-does-assertiveness-h_b_3812926.html
- ↑ http://www.girlshealth.gov/bullying/stopping/beingbullied.html
- ↑ http://www.girlshealth.gov/bullying/stopping/beingbullied.html
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/bullies.html
- ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/31/living/bullying-fight-back/
- ↑ http://www.girlshealth.gov/bullying/stopping/beingbullied.html
- ↑ http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and-resources/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied/
- ↑ http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and-resources/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied/
- ↑ http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/what-you-can-do/
- ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
- ↑ http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/what-you-can-do/
- ↑ http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and-resources/about-bullying-and-cyberbullying/are-you-being-bullied/
- ↑ http://www.connectsafely.org/tips-to-help-stop-cyberbullying/
- ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
- ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
- ↑ http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
About This Article
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. This article has been viewed 130,102 times.
Co-authors: 74
Updated: May 11, 2024
Views: 130,102
Categories: Dealing with Bullying
Article SummaryX
If you’re having troubles with a bully, you might try making the bully bored with you to get them to leave you alone. You could begin by ignoring everything the bully says because it’s not fun for them when you don’t talk back. However, if this doesn’t stop the bully teasing you, also try walking away. Go somewhere safe around friends or adults. That way, if the bully follows you, you can keep talking to your friends and pretend you don’t even see the bully. Each time the bully tries to annoy you, keep ignoring them and walking away. And if they also bother you on social media, block them so they cannot send you messages. If you can keep ignoring the bully, they’ll eventually get bored and stop teasing you. For more tips from our Counseling co-author, including how to report someone who keeps bullying you, read on!
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