Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP. Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.
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Making eye contact with a girl is the first step toward creating a meaningful connection with her. But for some people, it can also be an extremely difficult, intimidating, and nerve-racking process. With a little patience and practice, however, you can overcome any anxiety that you may have and be well on your way to making clear and confident eye contact.
Steps
Find someone you may be interested in meeting. This can be anywhere... a book store, bar, restaurant, shopping center, etc.- If you find someone at a place you visit frequently, chances are you may have something in common. Something to talk about, perhaps.
Relax. Narrow and tense eye's tend to convey a negative or angry disposition, so do your best to maintain your calm. A calm demeanor will put people at ease and make them feel more comfortable speaking with you.[1]Advertisement
Glance casually in her direction. Every so often, gaze over at her. Does she seem to be trying to make eye contact with you?
Don't stare. Staring at people is not only rude, but it also makes people feel very uncomfortable.[2][3] If you don't catch her eye, she may be uninterested or preoccupied. Even worse, she may be offended that you are staring.- If someone is unwilling to make eye contact with you, or seems to be avoiding it, this may be an indicator that she is not interested in speaking or meeting you.
Avoid examining her. Looking intensely at a person--even when eye contact has been established--can be rude and intimidating, even demeaning.[5]
Try to read her facial expression. Although this is highly subjective and is in no way a perfect science, do your best to interpret any expression she may have made. Did she return the smile? Or, did she politely nod? A smile may be an indicator of interest, while a nod just the opposite. Blinking or batting of the eyes can also be an indicator of interest.- Did she raise her eyebrows? This can be a way of saying hello or communicating further interest.[6]
- Were her eyes wide open? This can be a way of communicating happiness or joy, even a feeling of ease.[7]
- Did she seem to be lowering her chin, appearing to be looking up at you? This too can be a sign that she may be interested in meeting you.[8]
Tip: If she frowns or looks uncomfortable, it means she's not interested and you shouldn't force it. That doesn't automatically mean anything bad about you, though. She could be in a hurry, in a bad mood, or just not feeling friendly. Girls who aren't interested in a new relationship (whether they're of the wrong sexual orientation for you, already dating someone, or taking a break from dating) may also act aloof to avoid giving you the wrong impression. Respect her wishes and stop trying.
Let her be the first to break eye contact. Don't look away until she does. This will communicate that you are interested in speaking to her.- Keep smiling with open body language so she knows this is a friendly look, not a threatening stare.
- The longer she maintains eye contact, the more likely it is that she may be interested in meeting you.
Continue to look. After she breaks eye contact with you, continue looking in her general direction for another second or two. If she looks back, make eye contact with her once again and smile.- If she looks back with open body language, it may be an indicator that she is interested in meeting and/or speaking to you.
Relax. Although it can be very intimidating to make eye contact with someone you don't know, you need to do your best to maintain a calm demeanor. Nobody likes being looked-at with nervous, intense, or over-anxious eyes.[9]- The person you may wish to make eye contact with may be nervous as well. If you maintain a calm demeanor, you might be able to make them feel more at ease.
- Intense or anxious stares may suggest hostility or anger--the opposite of what you are trying to convey.
Practice your smile in the mirror. This may sound silly, but if you aren't in the practice of making eye contact with people, then you might not be in the practice of producing a gentle gaze or smile. You may not actually be "staring" at someone, but the look on your face may suggest otherwise. This can make people feel very uneasy.- Being stared at makes people feel uncomfortable and will make them want to avoid eye contact. Be sure to avoid making facial expressions that would suggest you are examining or critiquing a person.
- Practicing your smile in the mirror will also help you get over any feeling of intimidation of shyness that you may experience when making direct eye contact.
Look at portraits of people. Get used to making direct eye contact by practicing on a few portraits. This may feel awkward at first, but that is the point. You want to continue to work through any feeling of awkwardness that you may experience while looking people in the eye.- You can even do this while flipping through magazines or while browsing the internet.
Practice making eye contact with the television.[10] As you watch your favorite television show, practice making direct eye contact with the characters as if they are real people speaking directly to you. Follow their eyes as they move around the screen.
Go see a public speaker. It is a lot easier to make and maintain eye contact with an individual when you are listening instead of speaking. Furthermore, being part of a group may help alleviate any anxiety.[11] Practice making eye contact with someone delivering a speech or public address.- Even when the speaker is not looking at you directly, practice looking at their eyes.
- When the speaker looks in your direction, give them a supportive smile.
Engage in short conversations with people you don't know. Maintaining eye contact for a long period of time can be uncomfortable or difficult, so start with short conversations with the grocery clerk, your neighbor, even a co-worker.[12] The point is not to engage in a deep or meaningful conversation, but to practice making eye contact with a real person for short periods of time.- As you feel more-and-more comfortable, try increasing the length of the discussions.
Look your friends in the eye when conversing. Practice looking your friends or people that you feel comfortable with in the eyes. Make this a priority when you are speaking to your friends and family.- In some cases, it may be easier for you to look at another spot on the person's face, like their eyebrows or nose. If you pick a spot close enough to the eye they will not be able to notice that you are not looking at them directly.[13]
Take a test or survey. If making eye contact with a person continues to be a difficult task, you may want to consider taking a preliminary test to see if you have an anxiety disorder or are neurodivergent somehow.- Social anxiety disorders can be identified as an extreme and constant fear of being judged, scrutinized, or critiqued.[14]
- Neurodivergent people may find eye contact distracting or overwhelming. This can be true for autistic people,[15][16] people with ADHD,[17] people with sensory processing disorder,[18] and others. Faking it is more comfortable.
Community Q&A
- QuestionWhat do I do if a girl won't make eye contact with me?
Community AnswerShe could be nervous to look directly at you. You just have to give her time to be comfortable around you. - QuestionWhat can I do if I am scared about making eye contact with a girl who is staring at me?
Community AnswerPerhaps she is interested in you! Try to keep looking her way for a couple extra seconds to see if she glances away: if she does, she may like you. Chat her up! You may have some things in common. You may get a new friend out of it. - QuestionThere is a girl at my school who keeps giving me short glances. What should I do?
Community AnswerShe probably has a crush on you. See what she does and go from there.
Video
Tips
- While looking at her, try to smile, but don't overdo it, it will freak her out.Thanks
- She blushed when you saw her looking at you? Well, it's almost 100% sure she likes you. But don't overdo your reaction. Maybe she blushed because she felt uncomfortable with you looking at her.Thanks
- Never overdo whatever you do. Unwanted attention may embarrass you, even both of you, and make her think you are weird.Thanks
Warnings
- Remember, all girls are different, so don't think that this is a foolproof guide to your love.Thanks
- Don't ask her to a date just because you made eye contact with her.Thanks
- Neither think that if she looked at you she likes you, and don't say to everyone, "She looked at me and now I know she likes me!". It will be really embarrassing.Thanks
- Remember, a girl doesn't think always about love.Thanks
References
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2014/08/21/facinating-facts-about-eye-contact/
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2014/08/21/facinating-facts-about-eye-contact/
- ↑ Christina Jay, NLP. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.
- ↑ Christina Jay, NLP. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2014/08/21/facinating-facts-about-eye-contact/
- ↑ http://psychologia.co/eye-expressions-and-body-language/
- ↑ http://psychologia.co/eye-expressions-and-body-language/
- ↑ http://psychologia.co/eye-expressions-and-body-language/
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/eyecontact
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/eyecontact
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/eyecontact
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/eyecontact
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/eyecontact
- ↑ http://www.adaa.org/screening-social-anxiety-disorder
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/06/170615213252.htm
- ↑ https://stimpunks.org/eye-contact/
- ↑ https://theadhdminimalist.com/why-you-should-not-insist-that-adhd-kids-make-eye-contact/
- ↑ https://asensorylife.com/eye-contact-is-way-overrated.html
About This Article
Medical Disclaimer
The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.
To make eye contact with girls easier, practice by making eye contact with your friends, and even with strangers. Start out by looking at the top of someone’s nose, right between their eyes, and maintaining “eye contact” for 2-3 seconds. Once you’ve gotten the hang of it, try direct eye contact. Then, when you see a girl you’re interested in talking to, glance casually in her direction a couple of times to see if you catch her looking back. If she looks your way, smile gently, and hold the eye contact until she looks away. For some tips on practicing your eye contact while watching TV, keep reading!
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