Download ArticleDownload ArticleThis article was co-authored by Jin S. Kim, MA. Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.
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Divorce can lead to a hard time for spouses and both families. It's imperative that Muslim couples understand how to get an Islamic divorce, as it is a very serious issue that has very clear guidelines within the faith. This article will go over these guidelines and tell you how to get an Islamic divorce.
Steps
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Think carefully about the divorce. Is it necessary? Think long and hard about who is going to be affected - the children; the family; yourselves? In Islam, divorce is only a last resort if it is not at all possible to continue a marriage. When a marriage is falling apart, both spouses should try their best to bring the relationship back together; they should evaluation their relationship and reconcile.- Find forgiveness and patience for your partner and communicate them about why you may think things are not working out - perhaps your partner is particularly stressed or upset about something, thus leading to a negative behavior. If, however, you think divorce is the only option, move on to the next step.
Get an arbiter. The Qur'an says, "If you anticipate a split between them, appoint a mediator from his family and another from hers. If they desire reconciliation, Allah will restore harmony between them. Surely Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware."[1] A marriage affects the whole family, and it is vital for family elders to attempt at reconciliation.- Some people are reluctant to get their family involved; in this case, you can speak to an independent marriage counselor, although they are detached from the issue.
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If all else fails, file for divorce. Divorce, or talaq, is different for the husband and wife. In Islam, there is a three-month waiting period before the divorce is finalized.- The husband's divorce pronouncement can be verbal or written, but it must be done once. The wife is able to keep the dowry, or mahr, with her.
- If, however, the wife initiates the divorce, she can either return her dowry to end the marriage, or petition a judge for divorce. She must show proof that her husband has not fulfilled his responsibilities. A separate legal process of divorce may also be required, in which attending hearings and obtaining a legal decree of divorce are required.
Observe the waiting period of three months, or 'iddah. The Qur'an says, "O Prophet! Instruct the believers: When you intend to divorce women, then divorce them with concern for their waiting period, and count it accurately... Do not force them out of their homes, nor should they leave—unless they commit a blatant misconduct... Then when they have almost reached the end of their waiting period, either retain them honorably or separate from them honorably. And call two of your reliable men to witness either way—and let the witnesses bear true testimony for the sake of Allah."- During the 'iddah, the couple is free to resume their relationship, ending the divorce process.
- The wife has the right to remain in the family home, and the husband is responsible for her wellbeing.
Decide who gets the child custody. Islam requires that the custody must go to a Muslim who is in good health physically and mentally and can meet the children's needs. Some judges allow preference of the children, while others award the custody to the mother if the child is under a certain age, and to the father if older.- The main concern must be that the child is cared for by a responsible parent who can meet the needs of the child.
Finalise the divorce after the 'iddah. This is encouraged to do in the presence of two witnesses. After this, the wife is free to remarry.- It is discouraged to have a yo-yo relationship, nor engage in blackmail.
Community Q&A
- QuestionWe both want talaaq and we are both Muslim. How fast can we get talaaq?
Community AnswerGenerally speaking, divorce requires two witnesses, the man must give the divorce on his own volition (not being forced or compelled by anyone), and the woman must not be on her monthly cycle. These are the basic rules - consult your scholar for further details. - QuestionUnder what circumstances can a Muslim woman file divorce against her husband?
SobiTop AnswererThe woman has exactly the same rights when it comes to divorce as the husband. If she feels that the marriage cannot work out and reconciliation has failed, then she is allowed to divorce her husband (this is called khula), provided she follows all the legal procedures as well as the Islamic procedures, namely that she gives back part of her mahr (dowry)—but returning the dowry depends on the case. - QuestionIf a husband doesn't take any responsibility for his children, can a wife can apply talaq?
Community AnswerYes, absolutely! If either of the couple is unhappy in a married arrangement, then applying for divorce is allowed in all cases. If the husband is not taking responsibility for the child, the the wife is allowed to get divorced and marry someone else to take proper care of the child (or do it herself).
Tips
- Ups and downs are common in marriages - you're not alone!Thanks
- Treat your ex-spouse amicably.Thanks
Warnings
- Don't divorce someone just because you had an argument.Thanks
- There is a limit on how many times a couple can marry and divorce. If they remarry after a divorce, this can only be done twice. After the third divorce, the couple is not allowed to remarry.Thanks
References
About This Article
Getting an Islamic divorce is a long-term process that primarily focuses on trying to reconcile the couple. First, consider why you want a divorce and prioritise communication with your spouse to resolve issues. Appoint an arbiter, either from within or outside the family, to help settle the disputes between husband and wife. If this fails, file for divorce and sort out the legal matters such as child custody, if applicable. Finally, the woman must observe a three-month waiting period after the divorce. Read on to find out detailed information on how to get an Islamic divorce!
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