How to Find out if Someone Is Divorced

Maybe you want to know if that new guy at work is single before you ask him out, or maybe you suspect the woman you've been seeing isn't as available as she's been telling you. Whether it's to save you from barking up the wrong tree or to verify that your partner isn't still married, if you pay attention and do a little digging, there are many ways to find out if a person is divorced.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Looking for Signs

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1
Look for a wedding ring. This is the simplest indicator of someone's marital status.^{[1]XExpert SourceCrista Beck
Dating Coach & MatchmakerExpert Interview. 26 August 2021.} A wedding ring is worn on the left ring finger, or the finger next to the pinkie.^{[2]XResearch source} It's possible a person is divorced and still wearing a ring because he isn't ready to let go. In that case, he's not a good candidate for a new relationship, anyway.
- If there is no ring, notice if there is an indentation or a tan line on his ring finger. This may indicate the ring has been temporarily removed, maybe to give you the impression he is single.^{[3]XResearch source}
- If the person has a job in food service or working with machinery that might catch on jewelry, he may need to remove the ring for work.
- Not everyone chooses to wear a wedding ring, so no ring doesn't guarantee he's single.
2
Search social media. Most people have some sort of online presence, whether through networking sites like Facebook or Twitter, or picture sharing apps like Instagram and Flickr.^{[4]XExpert SourceCrista Beck
Dating Coach & MatchmakerExpert Interview. 26 August 2021.} A quick search may yield a lot of information--her marital status might be right there in her profile, or she may have posted lot's of pictures of her spouse, even wedding pictures.
- If you can't find any sign of this person online, it may be because she doesn't want to get caught cheating--social media can make it very difficult for a person to hide what they've been up to and who they've been seeing.
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3
Listen to what he does (and doesn't) say. Sometimes a simple conversation about weekend plans can answer your questions. If he says, "my wife and I went camping," you know he's not available.
- If you are spending a lot of time together or dating and he never mentions an ex or previous relationships, it may be because he's still in a relationship.^{[5]XResearch source}
- If you ask about meeting his friends or seeing where he lives and he comes up with long, drawn-out explanations as to why that's not a good idea, he may be lying. Detailed excuses often signal that the person is actually fibbing.^{[6]XResearch source}
Does she always want to go to a restaurant in the next town over? Does she insist you only spend time at your place? Is she unavailable every weekend? Can she only spend a few hours with you right after work? She may be trying to hide your relationship and not get caught by someone who knows her spouse.^{[7]XResearch source}
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Check out his car. If he drives a minivan or a sedan with a baby seat in the back, it's safe to assume he has a family.
- Having children doesn't necessarily mean he's still married, but if he's told you he's divorced and has adult or teenage kids, a fam-van doesn't back up his story.^{[8]XResearch source}
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Notice how she behaves on the phone. Someone you are not dating may signal you to her status, like answering the phone "Hi, honey" or closing with "I love you, see you at home." But if you suspect your girlfriend is not divorced and is seeing you on the side, she will probably be secretive about who she's talking to, or very specific about when you can call her.^{[9]XResearch source}
- If she places a lot of restrictions on how you can contact her--only between the hours of 5 and 8pm, only on her cell phone--or she doesn't answer when you call, only to dial you back a few minutes later, you definitely have reason to be suspicious.^{[10]XResearch source}
- If she only calls you from places outside the home, like while running errands or grocery shopping, she may be trying to conceal your relationship from her spouse.
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Trust your gut, but don't jump to conclusions. Take a moment to consider why you feel you need this information. If it's because you are interested in dating the person, you can make it easy and just ask him his status outright. If it's a significant other you suspect is lying about his divorce, there may be some underlying trust issues in the relationship, even if he is actually telling the truth.
- Just because someone doesn't have a facebook profile or blab about past relationships, don't automatically assume it means it's because he's dishonest.
- If he's engaging in a lot of these behaviors, or you have a strong feeling that something is off, consider investigating further.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Digging Deeper

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1
Ask the person if they are single. At worst you may embarrass yourself a little, but being straightforward is generally the best policy. Just ask her if she's seeing anyone. If you know she was married but it looks like her spouse is out of the picture, say something like, "You haven't mentioned your husband in a while, is everything okay?"^{[11]XExpert SourceCrista Beck
Dating Coach & MatchmakerExpert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
- If you don't want to be blunt, you could ask in a less direct manner by saying something like, "Do you and your husband live in town?"
- Watch her body language when she answers. If she looks away or down, touches her nose or covers her mouth, she may be holding back some information.^{[12]XResearch source}
- If she says something like "That's none of your business," politely apologize and take the matter no further (unless of course you are already dating. Then her marital status is your business!).
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Ask around. Try to find out if you have any mutual friends that might know the person's marital status. If you work together, other co-workers may already know the person's situation.
- Be aware that it might get back to the person that you were asking about her.
- If she never introduces you to friends or is shady about their identities, she may be trying to prevent you from asking around and finding out she's not really divorced.^{[13]XResearch source}
3
Track down the divorce certificate. You will need some information in order to do this--at the very least the full names (including the wife's maiden name) of both parties and the state and county where the divorce was filed. Call the state or county Vital Record's office to find out if you can even access these reports. Some states keep vital records private and you may not be able to see them unless you are named or can prove you are a close relative of one of the parties (like a child or parent).
- Even if you cannot obtain the full divorce record, you may be allowed to see an informal copy of the certificate.
- Most online databases will charge a fee (even if they advertise as being free). The court clerk's office may allow you to access their records for free or for a small fee.
- Sometimes a person will claim to be divorced without having finalized anything. This is something he should be up-front about, as he is still considered legally married. Not technically divorced yet means "still married."^{[14]XResearch source}
4
Check his texts or emails. Remember that reading someone's personal messages can be a major violation of trust and may destroy the relationship if your significant other finds out. Do this only as a last resort--consider having a frank conversation with him first. If you still suspect he is lying, you may want to check his phone, email, or facebook messages.^{[15]XResearch source}
- Be aware that you might not like what you find. Learning that your partner has been lying to you, whether it's through loving texts sent to his wife or finding pictures of him with his family, could be devastating. Prepare yourself for what you might discover.^{[16]XResearch source}